1. Eddie Murphy “Delirious”

2. Tie: Comedy Central Roasts of Pamela Anderson & Flava Flav

3. Chris Rock “Bring The Pain”

4. George Carlin “George Carlin: 40 Years of Comedy”

5. Richard Pryor “Richard Pryor: Live in Concert”

6. Lisa Lampanelli “Dirty Girl”

7. Dave Chappelle “Killing Them Softly”

8. Andrew Dice Clay “The Dice Man Cometh”

9. Damon Wayans “The Last Stand”

10.  Eddie Griffin “Voodoo Child”

1. Eddie Murphy: Delirious

The best stand-up I’ve ever seen and it still hasn’t been beaten after 27 years. For anyone who never saw Murphy in his prime, this stand-up will shock you as it’s so vulgar and brash, it’s hard to recognize this other Murphy we see on the movie screen these days. It’s about ninety minutes without once pause for you to take a break from laughter. Still the ultimate stand-up force to be reckoned with.

2. Comedy Central Roasts of Pamela Anderson & Flava Flav

Okay, it’s a weird pick and technically a “roast” but there’s plenty of stand-up in these roasts to warrant a place on this list. Both roasts gave me some of the biggest laughs of my life, nailing Anderson with jokes you wouldn’t dare say behind her back much less while she’s sitting there on stage. The punchlines on Pamela were a lot colder than Flav’s but there were lines from Flava’s roast that are some of the best I’ve ever heard.

3. Chris Rock: Bring The Pain

It was a long time before anything had come close to Delirious but Bring The Pain is almost as good. Almost. But where Eddie Murphy nails you with a few hilarious stories, Chris Rock delivers tons of great one-liners and stomach busting theories that you’ll be hurting after watching it.

4. George Carlin: 40 Years of Comedy

I cheated on this one and gave the third spot to a tribute given to George Carlin by Comedy Central. The reason is because it was able to use a good amount of his routine material, the ones many of us are aware of and in awe of.

5. Richard Pryor: Live in Concert

This was just after his infamous experience with freebasing where he burned himself terribly. But Pryor attacks the issue head on, making fun of it and showing why he was one of the greatest of all time. It’s probably his best big concert ever and really brings out some of his best comedy.

6. Lisa Lampanelli: Dirty Girl

Not that the comedians in front of her on this list aren’t ballsy enough but of all the comedians I’ve ever watched, which is a lot, Lampanelli probably has the biggest pair of balls in the business. Go figure. She’s the most foul-mouthed comic out there today but her risky sashay around usually touchy political correctness issues is what makes Lampenelli and this particular stand-up so good.

7. Dave Chappelle: Killing Them Softly

There’s so many good parts in this one but I always seem to remember his limousine ride through the D.C. ghetto where a baby is standing on the corner at three o’clock in the morning. Chapelle: “Hey baby! Baby, go home, man! It’s 3 o’clock in the morning man, what the fuck are you doing up?” The baby says, “I’m selling weed, nigga!” Obviously, it’s a lot better to hear him deliver it.

8. Andrew Dice Clay: The Ice Man Cometh

For a few years in the late eighties, there wasn’t a comedian in the world as popular as Andrew Dice Clay. He faded and isn’t nearly the comic of anyone else on this list but this special is the best of his best, The Dice Man summed up in one special that is definitely worth a look.

9. Damon Wayans: The Last Stand

As Damon Wayans was mired in fame from In Living Color, he came out with this stand-up that knocked me on my ass laughing. There’s a lot of funny material here with a great Mike Tyson impersonation (which he also did on In Living Color) as well as a hilarious tale of when his punk nephew visits.

10.. Eddie Griffin: Voodoo Child

If it weren’t for the horribly unfunny movies he did, Eddie Griffin would be considered a better comedian than he is a character in crappy movies. If you want to see his comedy at best, and where he recycled a lot of his material the last ten years from, check out Voodoo Child. Nobody does a better Michael Jackson impression and it’s not close.

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I’ve been grilling and chilling aplenty this last week so I’m putting the grill grub on display. Just about all of these ingredients were purchased at Trader Joe’s so everything is definitely within your reach.

Tangy BBQ Chicken – Use your favorite BBQ sauce and add a good deal of lemon juice (you can just cut off a third of a lemon and squeeze) into a plastic freezer bag w/chicken and let it marinade an hour or 2. If you want a very full and robust tangy flavor, let it marinade overnight or at least 5-10 hours.

Grilled Mexican Blue shrimp – Wow! You can get a 1lb bag of this shrimp at Trader Joe’s for $5.99. It’s an absolute pain in the ass to devein and shell but well worth the labor. Best tasting shrimp you can get at a normal market and makes the farmed stuff an atrocity. Brush with an easy mixture of olive oil, salt, pepper and garlic. Chesapeake Bay seasoning mixed with olive oil is a very good substitute as well.

Grilled broccolini – Not mentioned much in the “vegetables you can grill” lists but broccolini (aka baby broccoli) is excellent, really damn healthy and did I mention it was excellent. Simple work too. Brush broccolini with simplistic mixture of olive oil, salt, pepper and garlic and you’re good to go. Grill a few minutes on each side until it’s cooked through. You definitely won’t be disappointed with this.

Before

After

Grilled Swordfish & Eggplant – It’s hard to find a piece of fish out there that tastes better or gives you a meatier texture than swordfish. It’s not one of those fish you mess with too much as overdoing it on the seasoning or marinade could overwhelm how naturally flavorful it is. Give it a brush of olive oil, salt and pepper and you’re good to go.

I wish I could give you a great review of grilled eggplant but my wife and I realized it’s just not our vegetable. We gave it a whirl on the grill to see if it’d help make a veggie we normally wouldn’t eat more edible. While it definitely enhanced the flavor and allowed us to at least digest a small bite, I’m too disgusted by eggplant to go any further. However, if you’re an eggplant lover, grilling it only makes matters better as the thickness of the vegetable allows for it to very compatible with a BBQ.

Filed under: STOP - 4 Comments »

A posse cut is a hip hop song by more than four rappers. A group itself cannot make a posse cut however, a crew can. Wu-Tang Clan, Hieroglyphics and any crews like this qualify for many posse cuts but I limited this list to one per crew. Freestyles were excluded since they’re not premeditated songs.

Here we go, from 15 to 1

15) Tie

Self-Destruction (KRS One, MC Lyte, Kool Moe Dee, Stetsasonic, D-Nice, Ms. Melodie, Doug E. Fresh, Just Ice, Heavy D, Public Enemy)

Doug E. Fresh: “Things been stated, re-educated, evaluated/thoughts of the past have faded.”

We’re All In The Same Gang (King Tee, Body & Soul, Def Jef, Michel’le, Tone Loc, Above the Law, Ice-T, Dr. Dre, MC Ren, JJ Fad, Young MC, Digital Underground, Oaktown’s 3.4.7., MC Hammer, Eazy E)

Young MC: “I try my best to set an example, sayin hype lyrics over hip-hop samples.”

14) What’s Up Doc? (Can We Rock?) (Shaq & Fuschnicken)

Chip: “So howdy, my partner, I starts to get meaner/so ask Bob for hope, nope, not Mr. Bob Dobailina/oh, where has my mic gone? Tell me, have you seen her?/I stretch like a condom and gets plump like a weiner.”

13) Headbanger (EPMD, K-Solo, Redman)

Redman: “Surpise niggaz, the original p-funks you up/I take a hit from a spliff and then get biz with the new cut/because I can jam like teddy if you let me/a Goodfella but still rugged like Joe Pesci.”

12) Uni4orm (Cannabis, Ras Kass, Heltah Skeltah)

Cannabis: “I pulverize MC’s and blow up mics/from street corner cyphers to international web sites/I’ll run up on you and set it for no reason/my flows are like body-blows that cause internal bleeding.”

11) Live At The BBQ (Nas, Akinele, Large Professor, Fatal)

Nas: “Poetry attacks, paragraphs punch hard /my brain is insane, I’m out to lunch God /science is dropped, my raps are toxic /my voicebox locks and excels like a rocket.“

10) The Symphony (Masta Ace, Craig G, Kool G Rap, Big Daddy Kane)

Kool G Rap: “When G Rap strikes the mic, I recite the type of hype that you like/and make the people unite, grip up hips and zip up lips/step on reps, you flip and wanna sip on my tip.”

9) Triumph (Wu-Tang Clan)

Inspektah Deck: “I bomb atomically, Socrates’ philosophies/and hypothesis can’t define how I be droppin these/mockeries, lyrically perform armed robbery/flee with the lottery, possibly they spotted me.”

What’s the Difference? (Dr. Dre, Phish, Xzibit, Eminem)

Xzibit: “Yo I stay wit it while you try to perpetrate, play wit it/never knew about the next level until Dre did it (yeah!)/I stay committed while you motherfuckers baby-sitted/I smash you critics like a overhand right from Riddick”

7) Flava In Ya Ear (Remix) (Craig Mack, Rampage, Notorious BIG, LL Cool J)

Busta Rhymes.: “Five new flavas on beat…feel the fuckin’ heat/I really think you should retreat while we blow up the street/instead of copping pleas just freeze, maintain the focus while we smoke these marijuana trees.”

6) Lafleur Laflah Eshkoshka (Fab 5 – Heltah Skeltah, Original Gun Clappaz, Buckshot)

Rockness Monsta: “Ay carumba, strang gun clappa number/one on the set and I’ll cut ya like lumber/still play the back in my thundergear, down to my underwear/make all you muthafuckas wonder where”

5) The Points (Notorious BIG, Coolio, Doodle Bug, Big Mike, Buckshot, Redman, Menace Clan, Heltah Skeltah, Bone Thugs, Jamal)

The four short verses by Bone is part of the reason this is one of the top 5 posse cuts of all time. Biggie, Buckshot, Redman and Jamal are all pretty good as well.

4) Soweto – (Pep Love, Tajai, Casual, Del, A-Plus, Opio of Hieroglyphics)

Del: “So I go astray throw aways blow away/every hope I hold today, we were sold as slaves/the sky is cold and grey, my niggas showed the way/so fan and listen now with this I see my golden age.”

3) Hit ‘Em Up – (Tupac & Outlawz, E.D.I. Mean, Hussein Fatal, Yaki Kadafi)

Tupac (Chorus): “Grab ya glocks, when you see Tupac/call the cops, when you see Tupac (uhh)/who shot me, but ya punks didn’t finish/now ya bout to feel the wrath of a menace nigga, I hit em’ up…”

2) Scenario (Tribe Called Quest & Leaders of the New School)

Phife Dawg: “Aiyyo Bo knows this (what?) and Bo knows that (what?)/but Bo don’t know jack, cause Bo can’t rap/well whaddya know? the Di-Dawg is first up to bat/no batteries included, and no strings attached.”

1) Notorious Thugs (Notorious BIG, Bone Thugs & Harmony)

Notorious: “Spit yo’ game, talk yo’ shit/grab yo’ gat, call yo’ click/squeeze yo’ clip, hit the right one/pass that weed, I got to light one/all them niggaz, I got ta fight one/all them hoes, I got ta like one/our situation is a tight one/whatcha gonna do, fight or run?”

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In honor of all the medical marijuana talk going on these days, I wanted to really hone in on some our greatest stoner characters of all time. There’s so many ways to go with this but I wanted to try to combine real life stoner celebrities with fictional ones to possibly come up with a more entertaining list. I’m not including marijuana activists (other than celebrities) in this list because those guys deserve their own, separate category for best activist.

You’ll disagree with some and agree with others which is good because I’ve always wondered: who IS the greatest stoner of all time. Also, this is for the greatest stoner not stoners so don’t expect famous stoner groups (Cheech & Chong, Harold & Kumar). Please enjoy the list and don’t forget to pass the J.

*This listed was intended to be only 10 entries but…well, let’s just say I was interrupted, and the list suddenly expanded to 21 entries instead.

21. Method Man (rapper and member of Wu-Tang Clan)

Method Man came onto the hip-hop scene with a storm because he had a very unique voice, delivery and a penchant for weed. He also loved hanging out with Redman, another huge marijuana advocate. Not only did they have a television show together (it was canceled quick) but their stoner flick, How High?, has become a classic in the world of weed.

Weedy Moment – Tical was so high all the time that he had his Lincoln Navigator seized and found out he owed $52K in back taxes when the state of New York’s Department of Taxation showed up at his door at 6am on March 19 with the NYPD.

20. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (NBA’s all-time points leader)

Yes, it’s the same superstar 7-footer with the beautiful, deadly sky hook shot that was probably the most indefensible shot in basketball history. Kareem also won 6 MVP’s, 6 championships and was selected to 19 All-Star games. Oh, and he likes the reefer. He experimented heavily with it during his years as a dominant center for UCLA which is funny because another Hall of Fame stoner, Bill Walton, comes from John Wooden’s Bruins dynasty. He also had a memorable cameo appearance in the great classic comedy, Airplane!.

Weedy Moment – Got caught with six grams of herb at the Toronto airport back in 1996 but paid a $500 fine and was released.

19. Bill Gates (Owner, co-founder of Microsoft)

Yes, my friends, the absolute richest man in all of the United States (Warren Buffett is just behind him) is also an experimental type (probably why Microsoft was even created in the first place) that has dabbled in LSD and, of course, has had many affairs with Miss Mary Jane. In fact, a long-known fact in the cannabis culture is that Mr. Gates broke up with a former girlfriend in Amsterdam, marijuana’s mecca of the world.

Weedy Moment – Only thing that comes to mind is that Bill’s been so stoned the last decade that he kind of let Apple and Google onto his playing field.

18. Jack Nicholson (acting superstar)

If you’re a Lakers fan, this shouldn’t surprise you as Jack ALWAYS looks high (what’s with the damn sunglasses???) sitting courtside to watch the purple and gold pound the hardwood. If you’ve seen any of his movies, his reputation as a toker is further cemented by the characters he always plays. Even when Jack flips out, he’s doing so in a fairly “chill” manner, don’t you think? If you happen upon a Lakers game anytime soon, observe Jack on the sidelines for a moment and you’ll see he’s clearly ripped.

Weedy Moment – One could say his main weedy moment is the fact he may be too high to know which kids are coming from which women (5 kids, 4 women…so far).

17. Shaggy (from Scooby Doo)

Scooby almost made the list but he couldn’t quite get in, partly because of his ultra-stoned sidekick, Shaggy. Shaggy walked, talked and acted blown every episode and never disappoints. His incredible appetite when he comes down with the munchies is astonishing, stacking up hoagie sandwiches and making them disappear in one bite. Sure, it’s a cartoon but you can’t knock Shaggy’s contribution to cannabis culture.

Weedy Moment – Every episode Shaggy was so blasted he was seeing ghosts and his best friend was a talking dog. His character was a weedy moment.

16. Dave Chappelle (Chappelle Show, Half-Baked)

When Half-Baked came out in 1998, my friend and I saw it opening weekend with maybe ten other people in the theater. We laughed and laughed and laughed, the opening scene at the convenient store setting the tone for the entire movie. I remember Chappelle being funny in Robin Hood: Men in Tights but he was playing a stoner way too good in this movie. When Comedy Central starting airing his show, I knew Chappelle would be referencing weed a lot. He did, the show was one of the funniest of all time but he couldn’t stand being handcuffed by a television station so he walked away after three seasons. This is still a very depressing sequence of events for fans of the show as so many stoners came together in unison to be entertained by Mr. Chappelle. Now, we haven’t heard from him in a while.

Weedy Moment – Went ape-shit, walked away from a $50-million dollar deal with Comedy Central and wound up in South Africa…and probably smoked a fat spliff there too.

15. John Lennon (Beatles)

How do you choose between John Lennon and Bob Dylan? Well, when you read Dylan’s paragraph you’ll understand why he beat John Lennon out. However, Lennon was a big time stoner, an amazing musician, was a huge reason the Beatles broke up (Yoko Ono being the biggest reason), and was murdered by some jerk-off who didn’t believe in freedom. John would’ve still been alive, happy and smoking a doob today if it wasn’t for that maniacal motherfucker!

Weedy Moment – Married Yoko Ono. Possibly he had been smoking a little too much?

14. Bob Dylan (superstar musician and lyricist)

If you like music, you’ve probably heard of Bob Dylan. If you haven’t, there’s something wrong with your circle of music friends. This man has written some of the best songs in the history of music. I don’t even like his music and I can admit that! Oh, yeah, and Bob likes his weed. And, Bob beats out John because Bob introduced John and the rest of the Beatles to herb. Bob is a kind and giving soul.

Weedy Moment – Crashed his motorcycle back in 1966 and broke a few vertebrae in his back according to him. He was probably too ripped or going too fast or both.

13. Tom Petty (Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers)

He had a huge hit song called “Last Dance With Mary Jane” which, if you’ve never heard it, even if you’re not into rock, check it out ASAP! Great song and Tom Petty’s a great singer and has been around a long time churning out hits. His line “let’s roll another joint” is another one of his references to cannabis. Also, if you’ve ever seen his hair, you’d have to assume Mr. Petty likes the reefer more than your average person.

Weedy Moment – Every time he’s publicly asked about weed he just smiles and says nothing (this is the best I could do since Petty doesn’t really have a good weedy moment).

12. Bill Murray (actor, Ghostbusters, Stripes)

There’s something about Bill Murray that makes me people laugh when he’s on screen. In fact, he doesn’t even have to say a word and you’ll laugh at one of his many facial expressions. When you learn that Murray is truly a big time pothead, you start to understand his overall body of work a little better. Ever noticed how he never really got too excited about anything? Happy, yes, but always very low-key. When you’re stoned, it’s not easy to get super super excited because you’re a little too stuck to do so.

Weedy Moment – Bill seemed too high to even realize that his ex-wife knew all about him traveling across the world for an affair.

11. Smokey from Friday

You may be wondering why I didn’t just list Chris Tucker but I don’t know if he’s a pothead or not in real life. But the original Friday movie where Tucker plays Ice Cube’s constantly stoned best friend, Smokey, he knocks it out of the park. If you’ve seen Friday, Smokey is always the first person everyone talks about. He was hilarious and smoked a lot of weed, so much so that he got into trouble with Big Worm, the neighborhood drug dealer.

Weedy Moment – Smoked so much weed that he owes Big Worm $200 by 10pm or he’s a dead man (in the movie, at leaset).

10. Oliver Stone (director, Platoon, Born on the 4th of July)

Platoon still ranks as the best war movie I’ve ever seen and Oliver Stone, the director, is still one of the greatest director’s I’ve seen in my time. Many of the scenes from Platoon were based on his tour in Vietnam, including the classic scene in the bunker with his unit smoking Vietamese reefer and listening to some tunes. His movies always seem to have references to drugs and, if you’ve seen Natural Born Killers, you’ll probably think the director was under the influence while directing it. Nonetheless, Oliver’s a big believer in cannabis and a hell of a director.

Weedy Moment – Got caught in 1968 trying to cross the border from Mexico with two ounces of dope.

9. Woody Harrelson (actor, White Men Can’t Jump, People v. Larry Flynt)

Woody’s known to have been a stoner for a long time, someone who clearly believes in the legalization of the plant. He’s always been candid during his discussion on the matter and doesn’t even mind being caught on camera with a pipe as you can see pictures of him toking up all over the web. He’s also on the NORML advisory board.

Weedy Moment – Decided to scale the Golden Gate Bridge with other protesters to demand the protection of an ancient redwood forest. There are other ways to handle this, Woody.

8. Willie Nelson (country singer)

I can’t stand country music but I like Willie Nelson, always symbolic of someone I that you would call “chill”. He’s a character but not a loud or obnoxious one but rather a talented musician who had a lot of demons that he abused with alcohol and coke but discovered a skunky green plant that he claims saved his life: marijuana. Willie’s always been a huge advocate Miss Mary Jane and just about every stoner on the planet knows who this man is.

Weedy Moment – In 1990, the IRS informed Mr. Nelson he owed them $16.7 million in back taxes, apparently the result of expired tax shelters his financial advisers put him into…or he was too ripped to ever check his finances in the first place.

7. Dr. Dre (producer, rapper)

This one might surprise some people but I had to consider revolutionary aspects of the greatest stoners. Because of that, it’s hard to deny Dr. Dre who’s 1995 juggernaut of an album, The Chronic, blew the doors off of rap and turned it into a mainstream juggernaut that was beating out rock ‘n’ roll music. Mainstream America had no idea what the hell chronic meant on the streets until Dre told them. It became symbolic of the best kind of weed you could find…until kush came along. Oh, boy.

Weedy Moment – Many of them as he’s been arrested numerous times for everything from assault to failing to show up on scheduled court dates. Obviously, Dre is still smoking that chronic!

6. Cheech (from Cheech & Chong)

We all know about Cheech and Chong, the most famous duo in the history of marijuana. For this list, it was only necessary to split them and put them individually in the top 5. After tons of comedy albums and movies devoted to the stoner culture, it’s an ode to their endless image within the pot community. Also, you can always get a crack out of Cheech’s name which derives from a fried Mexican pork skin snake called chicharron.

Weedy Moment – Got stupid and sampled the “space coke” in Cheech & Chong’s Next Movie that causes him to go ape-shit and rip a hole in the side of the house.

5. Jeff Spicoli (stoner, surfer-dude from Fast Times at Richmont High)

Played by Sean Penn, Jeff Spicoli is the greatest high school toker in the history of cinema. Don’t play me the Slater routine from Dazed and Confused as he was a solid stoner but by no means the best. Spicoli, on the other hand, nailed the character so good, it’s hard to remember much else from the movie other than a topless Phoebe Cates emerging from the pool soaking wet (two thumbs up!). Anyhow, Jeff Spicoli is forever remembered for his surfer-dude lingo and of course my favorite line: “Well, make up your mind, dude, is he gonna shit or is he gonna kill us?”

Weedy Moment – Almost too stoned to graduate history, prompting his history teacher, Mr. Hand, to force Spicoli to pass his exam on the night of the Prom. Fortunately for us all, Spicoli passes and makes it to the prom.

*I’m the first to admit that these last four could be arranged in any way and I’d be satisfied. This was just the order I settled on in the end.

4. The Dude (The Big Lebowski)

I actually had a lot of trouble deciding between Spicoli and the Dude four a place in the top four but, because the Dude abides, he got the nod. White Russians, a robe and a joint was the Dude’s simple but spot-on uniform of a middle-aged stoner. To the tune of Creedence Clearwater Revival, Jeff Bridges plays the Dude as laid back as anyone has ever been played. He slowly glides through the film in a weed-induced coma that has him figuring out the puzzle by the end. Apparently, the Coen brothers wrote the Dude specifically for Jeff Bridges to play.

Weedy Moment – Buying half and half with a check for 69 cents to was the perfect weedy moment to open up the movie.

3. Tommy Chong (Cheech & Chong)

Tommy Chong not only plays the classic Anthony Stoner character (they rarely ever mentioned his real movie name in the series) but his ties to cannabis in real life separate him from Cheech. The Canadian was in the spotlight a few years ago when he was arrrested for selling drug paraphernalia (this means “bongs”) through the internet by a company his son owned. A few documentaries (The United States Government v. Thomas B. Kin Chong, a/k/a Chong) go deeper into the controversy around that. But, his legal problems only added more supporters. He’s so popular in the cannabis community that they sometimes refer to a big joint as a Chonger.

Weedy Moment – For me, nothing beats Chong smashing a cockroach with his fist, putting it into a bong and smoking it.

*This qualifies as the weediest moment of everyone on the list.

2. Snoop Dogg (rapper)

It’s the D-O-Double-Gee! Snoop is so high all the time you often wonder if he’s a blunt in a human’s body. Dre was responsible for discovering Snoop and for the Chronic but the D-O-Double-Gee helped blow that album up beyond control. He’s also always talking about how high he is, holding a blunt, has stoplight-red eyes and is about as chill as it gets. His voice only makes him more of a stoner as he delivers it with a smooth and easygoing southern California inflection. He can’t even make or appear in a movie without some reference to marijuana. It’s hard to escape the weed persona when you have a blunt wrap named after you.

Weedy Moment – His variety show, Doggy Fizzle Televizzle. The name says it all.

AND THE #1 STONER OF ALL TIME IS…

1. Bob Marley (superstar musician and Rastafarian)

So, after sorting through such a great list of entertainers and fictional characters, it all came down to Bob Marley, reggae  and freedom extraordinaire. I’m not the person who has a lot of music by Marley, only a few songs actually, but his image resonates in the pot community more than anyone else. It actually dawned on me as I went through everyone and wondered who could legitimately claim the #1 spot and have the best argument. Bob Marley came out on top because every headshop in America has a picture of him somewhere, 75% of stoners have an image of him somewhere and 99% of all stoners have listened to his music. Basically, the percentages kept pointing in his direction. Marley would never tell you he was a stoner as he believed marijuana wasn’t a drug because it was natural and also played a daily role in his beliefs as a Rastafarian. That he died so early at the age of 32 was terribly tragic but it also turned him into perhaps the most iconic and symbolic stoner of them all.

Weedy Moment – He doesn’t have one because he’s #1.

Filed under: CULTURE - 1 Comment »

All the furry, lovable creatures in the animal kingdom get the most love but they’re also a little boring do to overexposure in popular culture. Below, I’ve listed a number of animals that are remarkable in many different ways but these aren’t your standard zoo animals, folks. These animals are from the other side of the tracks.

Touch Me and It Might Be the Last Thing You Do

Poison Dart Frog

There are some things on this planet so deadly, you’d never want to come across one, no matter how beautiful or stunning it may look. This would be the quintessential animal that looks gorgeous but has a secret for you: it’s the most dangerous animal on land. There’s a poison it secretes out of its skin that’s so deadly, the amount of a pinhead can send 20,000 mice and 10 fully grown men to the morgue. Another interesting little tidbit: these frogs gain their potency from the poisonous ants that consist of their diet. Even more interesting is that if you took one of these out of the wild and kept it as a pet, it wouldn’t be as poisonous since it wouldn’t be feeding on those same potent little ants.

Belcher’s Sea Snake

It lives in the ocean, doesn’t bother anybody and it’s one of the most docile snakes in the world. But hold your horses, buddy, this ain’t just a nice, timid snake. No, the Belcher’s sea snake happens to be the most venomous snake on the planet. Yes, more toxic than the black mamba, any taipan or the Indian krait. It is even more poisonous than another snake of the ocean, the beaked sea snake. Luckily for us all, it doesn’t like to bite and even when it does, it rarely injects enough of its venom to kill a man. However, if it was provoked more than it liked, you’d be a dead man.

Buggin’ Out

Rhinocerous Beetle

Ever seen that World’s Strongest Man competition on ESPN with the gargantuan men from another planet competing by showing how strong they are? Well, in the animal kingdom, those guys ain’t squat! Elephants, gorillas, rhinos, they don’t even have anything on the rhinocerous beetle which can carry 850 times its own weight. But rhino beetles also have another cool little fact about them: they’re part of the famous scarabidae family of beetles. This is the exact species the ancient Egyptians were known to worship.

Army Ant

There’s something you should immediately know about ants: our military mimics many of the organizational tactics that ants use since they’ve been so effective for millions of years. And, the ultimate army of ants is none other than the aptly named army ant which lives for annihilating the ever-loving crap out of any living creature in its path. Not only that, but the ants are fricken blind! Here’s a list of animals army ants are known to kill: insects, tarantulas, scorpions, lizards, snakes, frogs, and chickens.

We’ve Got Superpowers

Spitting Cobra

Everyone knows a cobra is super venomous and the spitting cobra is no different as a bite from one of these guys will earn you an emergency room visit. But, let’s say you happen upon one in the wild and do the right thing by keeping your distance. The cobra, having a bad morning, spits out a nice dosage of venom right into your retinas, sending you into skull-splitting pain. You may also be blinded for life. In the world of animals, this snake has a double-fisted arsenal of venom.

Electric Eel

First of all, let’s get one thing straight: electric eels aren’t eels, they’re knifefishes, which is sort of related to catfish. Aside from that fact, there’s this one: this fricken thing is electric! Should you be barefoot in the Amazon or Orinico Rivers in South America and decide to grab one of these, it’s capable of zapping your ass with up to 500 volts! That’s AWESOME. I mean, if you touch one, you’re a fool and deserve to get shocked but either way, a fish that can electrocute something sporadically for over an hour is a bad ass creature.

The Things I Can Do Will Blow Your Mind

Peregrine Falcon

When an animal can literally go faster than a really fast sports car, it deserves some props. At 200 miles an hour, the peregrine falcon dives after its prey, going faster than any other animal in the world. In fact, it’s going so fast, that it would normally damage a bird’s lungs if not for special tubercles in their nostrils that do something scientific that’s hard to explain that prevents this from happening. It swoops down and stuns the bird in mid-air and then spins around to catch it in mid-air. Cool, huh? If it’s too heavy to hold, it’ll just drop its victim from the sky and lets the ground do the rest of the damage.

Mimic Octopus

Perhaps one of my favorite invertebrates ever, the mimic octopus is the closest thing to living animation you’ll find on this earth. It’s as if you’re watching a cartoon creature do things only seen on television. The mimic octopus is the only octopus that impersonates other creatures, often using disguises of venomous sea creatures to fend off predators such as sharks and barracuda. There isn’t much more I can personally do to explain how awesome these things are unless I put that damn youtube video of one up. So here you go:

Didn’t Think We Could Get This Big, Did You?

Goliath Frog

We’ve all seen frogs and usually, for the most part, they’re small in nature, able to fit inside our hands. Sure, there are some exceptions but the goliath frog is the biggest exception of them all. It’s huge! Look how that thing sits in the girl’s lap above as if it was the pet dog, rather than a giant fricken frog. Strangely, the frog looks like it doesn’t know what the hell is going one while the two younger brothers seem to have other things on their mind, like getting the hell away from the giant frog. Living in the rivers of West Africa, goliath frogs are so big they’re able to feed on crabs and other frogs!

Mekong Giant Catfish

Anybody up for some fried catfish? If you are, bring the entire family and friends and, hell, bring the whole fricken neighborhood because we’re going to have plenty of fish to fry after we’re through with this big boy. Actually, there’s not much of a chance we’d be allowed to catch one since they’re highly endangered and heavily protected. However, there are some things you look at and can’t believe you’re looking at: this is definitely one of them. I’ve seen many different kinds of catfish but none are this size. This thing is so enormous, in fact, there are local legends of these giant fish swallowing people whole. I even saw a special on Animal Planet where a renown biologist said he would not be surprised if that were true. YIKES!

Me & My Homey Go Way Back

Cockroach

Before you vomit, understand one thing about this creature that’s awesome: THEY CAN SURVIVE ANYTHING!!! I hate cockroaches just as much as the next person, maybe even more if that’s possible, but their statistics are phenomenal against all other living creatures in the animal kingdom. They’ve been on the planet for a good 350 million years. Their resilience is what’s so incredible as they’re capable of going a month without food, over 40 minutes without air and one of the most radiation resistant animals on earth (the fruit fly is even more so, believe it or not). They’re disgusting, filthy, repulsive and downright nasty but you can’t knock their incredible ability to overcome just about anything over 350 million years.

Sharks

While the roach goes back 350 million years, the shark has it beat at more than 400 million years roaming the planet’s waters. Hell, sharks are so old, they’ve got the dinosaurs beat on age and they’re the ones still on earth. There are species that can swim in freshwater (bull sharks) and some that can tolerate conditions at close to 10,000 feet below the water. Their smell is ridiculous, having the ability to smell a drop of blood from over a mile away. So, even if you entered the water with a paper cut, a shark might drop by to say hello. There are species of sharks all over the world, and yes, even in the arctic regions. They are known to have hearing that can pick up prey from a few miles away. One last fact: whale sharks and spiny dogfish have been known to live over 100 years.

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