By Khalipha

Let me start by saying that politics is like dog shit in that you know it’s there, you know it stinks, and you know SOMEONE is going to have to clean it all up. Unfortunately, the cleanup process was made substantially more difficult when assholes decided that political rivalries should be treated with the same disrespect that sports rivalries enjoy.

 *the perfect analogy for politics

Listen up all you Fox News watching cocksuckers, POLITICS IS NOT A FUCKING SPORTS RIVALRY! Take your infotainment and shove it up your ass, along with your bullshit news ticker, and your “fair and balanced” “no spin zone” horseshit.

 *the #1 news station for Republicans!

This isn’t red vs. blue, it’s the future of our beautiful country. It’s not a matter of who holds more seats or which organization is better for the country – ALL OF THESE ASSHOLES ARE EXPLOITATIVE CLOWNS WHO CRAVE POWER. Stop pretending like Republicans are more responsible than Democrats and vice versa. The fact of the matter is that political power corrupts people.

 *the elephant versus the donkey: forever in battle

With that said, it becomes very important that we, as the individual voters in our country, take our responsibilities seriously by not doing stupid shit like voting straight ticket. I don’t care WHAT political affiliations you may have, your party does not and can not do EVERY thing correctly. You should be voting on the substance of the issue, with a basis in sound reasoning, and test your decision against your own personal beliefs.

*your affiliation isn’t what matters

*join whichever just don’t act like you’re the only ones

Sadly, I know that a lot of you dumbshits out there just aren’t capable of doing ANY of that. Soooo… READ, not watch, not listen, READ about what is going on in the world in MULTIPLE, DIFFERENTIATED publications. Read both sides of the fence, read from different perspectives, read from different columnists, but STOP being lazy fucks and START reading about what is going on outside of our borders.

  *read about the world, stupid

The longer our country flounders, remains uneducated, and xenophobic, the longer our economy will continue to suffer, the deeper our children will be scarred and manipulated, and the stupider we will become as a whole.

Pull your heads OUT of your asses and just STOP!

 *is your head out of your ass yet?

-Khalipha

Filed under: STOP by khalipha - No Comments »

*Some games in this world seemed to be designed for the sole purpose of trash talking. You play it with your crew and someone always gets into with someone else because someone is always talking their shit. We called it talking shit so that’s what we’ll call it from here on out.

So, in honor of those wonderfully competitive shit-talking battles, a list…

 *STEP OFF, CHUMP!!!

 *bet you these guys play harder than some NBA dudes do

B-Ball. Hoops. Roundball. Yes, folks, basketball in all of its acrobatics and defiance of gravity, is the Mecca of shit talking in the sports world, just a notch above football. Sometimes, there’s nothing better than pump faking your defender and dropping a shot in his face, with the foul. It’s kind of hard not to talk shit when you do that. Just ask any one of these NBA legends renown for their shit talking skills. And backed it up damn well I’d say.

 *when you fly like this, you talk all the shit you want

 *when you shoot like Bird, you talk all the shit you want

 *Gary Payton was a mouth trapped on a human body

 *back when ole John was on the cover  

Back in 1988 (yes, the 1980’s!), the first installment of this grand series was introduced to the video game world. It was called John Madden Football and later turned into the catchier Madden. 

 *it’s REALLY FUN when you make a hit like this

This game is genius and so close to playing a game of football that it becomes a bitter war of the words between friends all over the 50 states. You may have two friends hurt each other over who gets to play with Brett Favre.

 *I can’t believe some douches fight over this guy

You know, sometimes, your friend just can’t catch a break and you’re kicking his ass 28-3 and all your other friends are clowning him and you look over at him and smile and give him the finger just to rub it in. 

Hey, that’s what friends are for.

 *don’t step to Grandma Ping Pong

Ping pong was built for the entertainment of shit talkers all over the world. Many people would argue that it’s even better when trashed and obnoxiously egging your equally wasted opponent on (this causes lots of sloppy fights, by the way) while you sway like a hippo waiting for your buddy to serve the ball. What you two don’t know is that you’re so damn shit-faced that you forgot your friend had already served.

 *drunk and served

But that’s what’s so fun about ping pong!

 *the most symbolic fireball of Street Fighter II

I’ve probably played the equivalent of about 4 full hours of Street Fighter II in my life because, well, other than Madden, I don’t really do the video game thing. However, shit talking is shit talking and well, here’s a game that damn near inspired it from the get go. 

 *it got so big they made their posters look like movie posters

I’ve seen people get into fist fights over this game. I’ve seen absolute dorks and retards transform themselves into full blown characters out of this game. Scary, huh? The truth is, one thing I’ve never witnesed is a civil game of Street Fighter II. Friend or not, when this game starts, the battle is on and the shit talking is running so much it turns to diarrhea.

 *my buddy had one of these and the whole neighborhood showed up at his house one day

Filed under: POP by Stop Pop Culture - No Comments »

JANUARY 29, 2009

TODAY’S LESSON FROM THE DON:

“When choppin’ bodies is not an option, makin’ money is the best revenge. Lots of money.”

Good advice, Don.

Filed under: CULTURE by Stop Pop Culture - No Comments »

Woke up this morning with a great big smile. Headed down to the Bean but stopped halfway and realized, all this spending money on the java starting to get a little pricey. I mean, I’m not desperately broke but tis better to save in the long run, my friends.

So what did I do?

Hit up Rite Aid for a brand new coffee maker. Don’t even ask me why a coffee fiend like me wouldn’t have one in the first place but, then again, I wrote these blogs to show you how absolutely fucking ape shit I am.

  *I am what I say I am

So I get back home and hook up the new gadget and start the wait. Few minutes pass by and I got my coffee with my new Coffee Mate Italian Sweet Cream (this stuff is good) mixed in and I’m ready to officially start my day. 

 *Italian Sweet Cream is the bomb shit

Pull up yahoo.com and wsj.com (Wall Street Journal) and recognize the story of Ervin Lupoe, the Los Angeles man who killed his wife and five children before blasting himself two days ago because he and his wife had just been terminated from a hospital in West L.A. 

What an asshole.

Look, everyone’s hurting, dude. Alright? Everyone. E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E.

So you cap your wife and 5 kids in the head to put them out of your misery?

Prick.

I mention this story because this guy was one of us: out of work. But I don’t recall any of the rest of us killing our wives and children. Or anyone else for that matter. This douche killed two birds with one stone in the most evil way of all. It’s like he had a lunch date with Satan and a dinner with Hell.

 *I think I seen that dude before at Subway

 *wonder if they got air condition there

Are you going to be murdering anybody soon?

I hope not. Please don’t be that much of a selfish bastard. Murder-suicides make me REALLY REALLY ANGRY. They’re about the most selfish act in all humanity. Want to kill yourself? Fine, asshole, but don’t go bringing anybody else along for the ride. Nobody asked so don’t force it. And go fuck yourself while you’re at it.

I’M ANGRY!

This guy is a bad representation of me. Of us. Of the entire unemployed world right now. Just a piece of advice, people:

DON’T DO WHAT HE DID

Life ain’t that bad. The sky’s still blue. Grass is still green. Women are still sexy so be happy.

 *recession still can’t take away hot women

If you’re still living under a roof and ate three times today then be happy and shut up. Stop whining. And get out there and…

DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

Why do we weep so much? All day I’m out and people seem to be moping. The economy sucks but you what else sucks?

PEOPLE

Stop with the moping and sad sack horseshit. Pick yourselves up. Remember what Obama said:

“WE MUST PICK OURSELVES UP”

So get off your ass and do it. 

I’m makin’ moves, baby. 

Playin’ my cards.

 *I suck at cards, by the way

Gamblin’ with risks to get those rewards.

 *However, I’m not a bad gambler

You know why?

BECAUSE I CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN

Yes, me!

Heart and soul, my friends. Heart and soul.

I’m feeling good today after seeing the internet filled with that Ervin Lupoe disaster. Makes me proud to be an American, in fact. At least we all see how much of a despicable dick head this guy was. I mean, yeah, I’m angry with it but I’m still stoked to be an American. 

 *that’s one buff ass eagle

Something good is going to happen here in the next year. 

It’s day 5 of being laid off and you know, I’m still not scared yet. Sure, I still have a little money but the fact that unemployment is my only possible income prospect out there so far I’m a little worried.

But worry drives me and lights a fire under my ass. 

 *all this pic needs is Beavis saying “Fire! Fire! Fire”

It’s already been lit. My ass is on fire and I’m moving!

 *I’ve got one mighty ass! 

 *gotta move

I just haven’t gotten to where I plan to go.

But I’ll get there.

Might take a few months.

Might take a few years.

But when I get there, it will be worth it.

Laid off, day 5 and I’m still good. Still happy. Still…chillin’.

Filed under: CULTURE by Stop Pop Culture - No Comments »

January 28, 2009

Unemployment is through the roof and the market is…up?

Yeah, you read that right. It’s not a typo.

WALL STREET IS ON FIRE THIS MORNING!

Third straight positive session but we’ll see what happens toward closing time when things can get a little hectic and very bizarre. But, all in all, it’s up and looks to be having a damn fine week so far.

Then again, Thursday and Friday are still up on the schedule so you never know.

Point is, shouldn’t the market be TANKING REALLY REALLY BAD RIGHT NOW?

It should, but it’s not. 

Of course it’s not.

Why, if it was tanking, that would just be a little too obvious and easy for investors now wouldn’t it?

So guess what: today I officially begin my investing/finance blog here:

And you know what? I don’t give a crap if I don’t credible resources to prove I know what I’m talking about because guess what?

THE EXPERTS DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT!

I may not be some licensed, certified, investment guru trader extraordinaire or whatever they may call themselves but I do know this: since the last week of December and beginning of January, I’ve purchased a few thousand bucks worth of stocks…

THEY’VE ALL GONE UP

Did you get that?

THEY’VE ALL GONE UP

That’s right. Up. Up. UP!

Remember that little line from Warren Buffett I referenced in my STOP BEING SCARED blog a week back?

“Be fearful when others are greedy and greedy when others are fearful.” -Warren Buffett

Well, that’s what I went out and did. 

I got greedy.

I got greedy when the rest of you were shaking in your boots, shitting in your pants and scared as hell. 

Not that I blame you or anything. I felt the same way. I still kind of do. But, I like doing something about it, not letting my fear do something to me. 

So here’s my advice:

BUY!

Buy what?

Buy crap. Buy things. Buy stuff.

But…what if we’re broke?

FIND MONEY!

Be a beggar for a day. Work as a nanny. Tutor. Do whatever it takes to make a little dough and then…

BUY STOCKS!

Stocks?

Damn right!

STOCKS STOCKS STOCKS

But isn’t the market terrible right now?

You’re damn skippy, it is. That’s why now’s the time to jump in and have a little fun. Because…

…it’s starting to move up!

So…which ones should you buy, you ask?

I will give you 3 that I think are no-brainers:

3. MICROSOFT

Yes, the recession hit this company and they had to lay people off (5000 people) for the first time in their corporation’s history however, IT’S STILL MICROSOFT. Guess which company won’t be going bankrupt any time soon? Microsoft. Guess what company will be releasing its brand new Windows 7 this year? Microsoft. Guess what company’s stock is SUPER CHEAP ($18) right now and NEEDS to be bought? Microsoft.

2. BAIDU 

Guess what country has the most internet users in the world? U.S.A.? Nope. China. By a long shot. Baidu is basically the Google of China although Google is trying to compete with them and take over their market. Probably won’t happen because Baidu was first and seems to be the people’s choice. Think China will be decreasing in population anytime soon? Exactly. Buy BAIDU.

1. ACTIVISION BLIZZARD

My number one choice is this well known video game designer. This company’s ready to BLOW UP. I mean, it already has or did for a number of years and is a good company with good financial numbers but check out this product list: Guitar Hero, Call of Duty, Diablo, Crash Bandicoot, and World of Warcraft, the highest selling online game in the world. Their earnings report for the last quarter is on Febuary 11th. Hopefully I’m right.

Filed under: STOP by Stop Pop Culture - No Comments »