*aren’t there, like, a million things out there that guys think are cool but maybe only them a few of their friends know about? That’s what I thought. I figured I’d dedicate a list to the matter since, well, since I feel it deserves it.
So, as we raise our glasses to those cool things others may not know about, a list…
1. BACKNOBBER II
One day my buddy brings this thing over because his back had been tightening up on him. He this ridiculous looking giant ‘S’ and places it on his shoulder so one end is resting on the front of his shoulder while the other end is pressing on the upper part of his back. He presses for a few minutes, lets out a sigh and kicks back with a smile. He was in a lot of pain when he came over. What happened?
He passes the Backnobber II over to me so I can test it. I give it a whirl and it was THE GREATEST BACK RUB OF ALL TIME!!
This is the one of the simplest most efficient things I’ve ever used. If you’ve got any muscles tightening up in your upper body, this thing WORKS. IT REALLY REALLY WORKS
2. BIRD’S EYE STEAMFRESH VEGETABLES
No, I’m not kidding here and no, I’m not a pansy. This is the real deal here, fellas. Check it: if you’re at least trying to be healthy and trying to get in those hard to eat vegetables, here’s the way to make it easy on yourself. If you’re a lazy bastard, it’s as if God dropped a gift of food to be opened after 5 minutes in the microwave.
Okay, so it’s not that good. But it’s vegetables and you toss it in the nuke box for 5 minutes and you’re good to go. The vegetables come out…STEAMED! Yeah, try steaming frozen vegetables on your own. For some reason, guys always ruin it. Always, always, always. But you can’t ruin this. You can’t. Unless you put the wrong time which would mean you shouldn’t be near a microwave.
3. THE STATE OF WASHINGTON HAS NO INCOME TAX
Sweet! Now, why can’t that happen in all 50 states? Or why not in mine, at least? Either way, no person income tax. Now, what does suck is that there’s a high sales tax on their consumer products: beer, cigarettes, food, clothes. But think of it this way, would you rather have pay 9% of that stuff or 9% of annual income to the government? Exactly.
4. BEN STEIN ISN’T WHO YOU THINK HE IS
Most of you probably know Ben Stein as the monotonous actor famous for roles in numerous comedies and in commercials for Red Eye eye drops you still see today. However, this isn’t the real Ben Stein. No, no, no. I’m a democrat, have no bones telling the world that. Ben Stein is a HUGE Republican but I don’t hate him or anything. Give credit where it’s due, you know?
Before acting came along, Mr. Stein was a poverty lawyer and then thought it’d be fun to be a trial lawyer for the Federal Trade Commission. After that, all he did was write speeches for Presidents Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford (if you’re a Democrat and you’re shitting yourself right now, I understand). Oh, and in addition to his law degree, Ben Stein is also a professor of law, something all of us can claim to be(yeah, right).
So, of all that and now don’t forget the acting and Win Ben Stein’s money, a show that won 6 daytime Emmy Awards. Yep, six. Don’t know how. Don’t eve know why. But it did. But check this: the producer’s of the show had an excess fund for all the money Stein won. Each time he’d win, the money would just accumulate until the next time. However, because he was getting a steady salary being the host of the show, Ben Stein wasn’t an egotistical prick and did what most people don’t do and gave all his prize money to charity. Republican or not, this guy’s an accomplished man.
