LAID OFF: DAY 15

Stopped with the whole Coffee Bean charade since it was costing me my ass and it was something I could control so I just go down there to grab another pound of ground java beans when the other pound runs out. I would go to Starbucks a few blocks over but since the Bean is closer, I hit up the bean. Hey, you’re welcome to call me a lazy bastard. I don’t mind. As long as I got my CoffeeMate Creamer, I’m good to go. 

*if only you were a couple of blocks closer

So life’s actually a little simpler these days because I get up and instead of the usual trek down the block, the trek is only a few feet to my kitchen where I get my high-octane super javaline fuel. Flip on the old Mac, hit up Yahoo Finance and I know today is the day our Secretary of the Treasury is revealing the Bad Bank Rescue Plan.

*everybody on Wall St. wanted to kick this guy’s ass on Feb. 10, 2009

So, I’m thinking, with him revealing the plan, maybe the market will be up. So, what happens? Well, I didn’t do my research so what happened is pretty simple:

*Wall St. also wanted to kick the Dow’s ass for being down almost 5%

THE MARKET WAS DOWN 4%!!!

The market wound up ending the day down 4.67%, a number nobody but the bears on Wall Street wanted to see. But then again, it’s the people on Wall Street who push the Dow down lower so if they don’t like it, stop screwing around. Doesn’t matter though, can’t get too caught up in things you can’t control. Good thing is, today I got my unemployment reward indicating how much I’ll be getting per week and how much I earned. Kind of happy about it because it’s money I earned and I’m doing just fine right now sitting at home writing and doing the market and still getting paid from jerk offs that laid me off.

*I am proud to say I am all of the above

Took a stroll today, see if I could get my thoughts going so I could come back home and start some writing. Walked about a mile, maybe two and the wheels in my brain started churning which prompted the old creativity to start blazing.

Anyways, on the way back, I stopped in the supermarket to grab a few things: some lettuce for a salad but this time I went with two heads of lettuce rather than the more expensive salad in a bag;some Doritos (one of my drugs);Cinnamon Toast Crunch (an old favorite);Chicken Cutlets on sale;CoffeeMate Sweet Italian Cream on sale.

*I wish you could be my breakfast everyday

All of the sudden, something dawned on me while I was waiting in line with my things:

THERE’S PEOPLE SHOPPING AT THE SUPERMARKET!!!

*Didn’t they say supermarkets were losing business or something?

Here I am, waiting in line (behind some lady TAKING FOREVER) and that’s just it: I’m actually waiting in line. I was at Ralph’s, by the way, which is owned by Kroger. Kroger’s business isn’t supposed to be doing so hot although Ralph’s by my house seems to be doing just fine.

After that, I head on down to Subway and what happens? I’m waiting in line again behind two people and after standing there two minutes, three people come in and wait in line behind me. Yep, businesses might not be doing so hot but there’s some signs of life. I may be laid off but I’m staying as positive as I can, looking for any little organism of hope I can find. Today, I saw people spending money at 3 places: the supermarket, Subway and Coffee Bean, which happens to be right next to Subway. 

*good to see the lines again

So, on my fifteen day of being laid off I go to bed wondering what to make of it al. Sometimes, it can be depressing dwelling on the negatives. Obama’s having a tough first few weeks here in his term as the President but I think he helps turn this place around. As for me, I’m still turning things around with much success. My business is still on its way and meeting deadline after deadline. Sure, I’m still scared, but still finding hope and still feeling good.

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MORE STUFF THEY SHOULD BRING BACK

*in honor of some of those back in the day things we’d all love to see again, a list…

1. KEEBLER MAGIC MIDDLES

In the mighty words of text language: OMG!!! Basically, it was a miniature cookie with chocolate fudge in the middle. Genius, Keebler. Genius. Also, kudos for the little Keebler Elf who keeps on pimpin’ to this day. At least they haven’t killed some of our favorite product characters. And he gets to live in a friggin’ tree away from all the crap we have to live with in the city.

This lady below tries to give Magic Middles a whirl in her own kitchen, something I thought was totally admirable. Anybody who has the balls to recreate one the greatest discontinued cookies of all time is a gangster.

http://www.crowncombo.com/articles/2006/025_magicmiddles/cookies.html

2. TRADING CARDS

Man, what the hell ever happened to these?! I’ll tell you what happened: in the late ’80′s and early ’90′s, the trading cards business was booming and BLOWING UP. So the manufacturers got REALLY greedy and start mass producing tons of  different sets and sub-sets and specialty sets and rare sets and gold sets and platinum sets and on and on and on. They were charging kids (their parents, actually) $3-8 dollars per pack! Yeah, it was ridiculous. Today it’s 2009 and there’s still a trading cards business out there somewhere but it’s not what it once was but it could get back there again if they could market trading cards properly to boys. First of all, stop with the inflated prices to fatten your wallets. You’re getting rich anyhow so chill on the price gouging. Just make it cool again. After all, trading cards have something other hobbies don’t: VALUE.

3. SQUEEZEIT

What a great drink this was from one our favorite baking moms, Betty Crocker. It was called Squeezeit because you it came in very efficient plastic bottles with a simple plastic top that twisted off with one turn. It wasn’t healthy or anything but for those who like sugary drinks, Squeezeits were worth picking up at the market. Nowadays, the only thing that resembles this is a beer but it has a much more difficult cap to get off.

4. THE REN & STIMPY SHOW

The day I found out this show was canceled is up there with one of the worst days of my thirty years of life. The greatest cartoon ever invented, The Ren & Stimpy Show used to make me laugh so hard my sides would be sore for two days. There’s so many great episodes but they’re mostly in the first few seasons when original creator, John Kricfalusi, was in control of the show. Too bad he couldn’t meet deadlines, apparently the reason Nickelodeon fired him from his own show.

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*another week, more signs of a recession, a worsening economy and TERRIBLE SPENDING HABITS! Let’s continue with some more things people can stop buying

*I would have this sign at my business ALL THE TIME

LET’S DO LUNCH

Let’s do lunch! No, let’s not do lunch today. In fact, maybe we shouldn’t do lunch at all this week and only do it twice a month or something along those lines. Think about how often you mosey on over to the local Subway for lunch 3 days a week, which is to say better than millions of other Americans who go out to lunch every day. And, let’s say for the sake of the argument, lunch comes out to $8 a day, and I’m being super nice here:

3 X 8 = 24 X 4 = $96/month

12 months X $96 = $1152/year

Now, at this price, you’re at about $100 a month just on lunch 3 times a week. However, let’s be honest here: you spend a lot more than $24 a week going out to lunch. Multiply it and see that it comes out to more money than you need to be spending on something you don’t really need to spend it on.

*the rice krispy treat looks REALLY good even though it’s a drawing, doesn’t it?

NON-FAT MOCHA LATTE W/SOY MILK, PLEASE

Yep, this one’s got to go so all you 9-5ers, yuppies, lawyers, servicemen, writers, artists, bums, soccer moms and coffee addicts across the world are going to have to figure out a cheaper alternative and please don’t go skipping over to Micky D’s for their “wonderful” $2 ice coffee because, for real coffee lovers, that stuff absolutely, positively, 100% sucks. But what’s it costing you getting that specialty drink at your local coffee joint 5 days a week? Well, let’s run it down, shall we?

5 X 3.50 = 17.5 X 4 = $70/month

12 months  X $70 = $840/year

However, what if you bought a coffee pot to work, set up shop and got a pound of ground coffee from your favorite joint? MUCH CHEAPER!

*this picture implies something naughty so P put it up although I can’t friggin’ figure out what it is

CHECK OUT MY UNLIMITED PHONE PLAN

Yeah, I know you think you’re cool and everything with you’re super-powered unlimited phone plan but, honestly, you can take that plan and shove it where the sun don’t shine. Because many people who have these plans aren’t hard working people who actually need them, I had to pick this because too many morons have chosen to scoop these plans up left and right. Unlimited calling plans (nights, weekends, roaming, long distance, texting, internet, etc.) give you everything but, seriously, folks, how much damn time on the thing do you need? Here’s a little run down:

100 x 12 months = $1200/year

I bet, with a little research and hard work, you can cut that baby in half if you really wanted to. If you don’t and you’re bickering about money, someone needs to smack the ever loving crap out of you.

*there was no way I wasn’t putting this pic up

DUDE, THE GAME’S ON TONIGHT! CALL DOMINO’S!

This is for all you dudes who order pizza more than once a week which is over a million of you to say the least. Hard to beat a perfectly baked, beautifully designed pizza pie on game night when the boys are over and you’re hosting. Sometimes it doesn’t matter if anyone’s over, calling for pizza is easy, fun and GOOD. But it cost you an arm and leg and maybe even your ass too. 

I looked around and came to a rough estimate of $12.50 for a large one-topping pizza:

12.5 X 2 = $25 X 4 = $100

$100 x 12 months = $1200 

All of this adds up over the year no matter how little you may think it comes out to be. Many of you dolts probably have all three making you a cool triple threat but a cool triple threat with empty pockets and that ain’t cool, my friends. That ain’t cool.

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