*ever wondered what it would be like to see a lion fight a tiger? Maybe King Kong taking on Megatron from the Transformer? How about Chucky against Frodo Baggins? These will all be matches analyzed and discussed at some point in time in this brand new segment pitting the beasts of the entire universe against one another. Women, understandably so, probably find this absolutely juvenile and stupid. They’re right but for dudes this is what it’s all about!
POLAR BEAR VS KODIAK BEAR
POLAR BEAR (Ursus maritimus)
According to most experts, the Polar bear is the largest bear in the world but it depends on what you define as “largest”. On average, polar bears reach lengths of 9 feet and 1400 pounds with the largest on record weighing in at 2200 pounds back in 1960.
What separates the polar bear from its cousins, the brown bears, is its ability to live and hunt almost primarily on ice, moving from ice block to ice block in search of food. In fact, most of a polar bear’s life is spent at sea due to its almost purely carnivorous diet.
But, as you can see, a polar bear is not an animal anybody or anything should be screwing with. Not only is a giant, it can swim. REALLY WELL. These huge animals have been spotted up to 200 miles from land dog paddling in the ocean. Sounds like fun but I ain’t gonna do it.
Believe it or not, as big as the polar bear is, it’s a stealth hunter meaning humans usually don’t know it’s hunting them until it’s too late. Because of this unfortunate set of circumstances, it also means that most polar bear attacks on humans wind up being fatal. This means, however, that if you are in an area where polar bears have been known to be, don’t ask for sympathy if you’re attacked and killed. I believe there are certain things in this world we can control and that’s one of them.
Their physical characteristics are different than their Kodiak buddies. Polar bears are sleeker, have a longer snout and head, and different dynamics in the way their feet operate. Because of the ice, polar bears have a soft cushion-like pad on the bottom of their feet that helps them gain traction on the ice. Their claws are shorter and broader than the Kodiak’s as well.
A polar bear doesn’t hunt so well on land. Most land mammals can out run them easily. Most marine animals can out swim them in the ocean. So how does the thing hunt? Well, it roams the ice and finds holes where seals, walruses, and beluga whales come up to get air. When one comes up it smacks the crap out it, knocking it silly and pulling up on the ice where it delivers a crushing fatal bite to the prey’s head. Must not be fun to be the prey.
KODIAK BEAR (Ursus arctos middendorffi)
The Kodiak bear, a kind of brown bear that includes grizzly bears as well, is the biggest of the brown bear family. Now, getting back to that point about what “largest” really means, here’s something to digest: Kodiak bears can get up to 1500 pounds but the largest recorded was 2500 pounds and stood 14 feet tall!
While grizzlies and brown bears live in many different regions, the Kodiak is a different story since they only live on the islands of the Kodiak Archipelago, Alaska. By the way, DO NOT GO THERE! If you’ve ever seen Grizzly Man (one the greatest documentaries ever), you’ll know why.
Kodiak bears are also big salmon fiends as it’s their favorite food without a shadow of a doubt and it’s a food so rich in fat and oil that it’s one of the main contributors to Kodiak and grizzly bears growing over 1000 pounds. This also makes them way more intimidating and fierce to us measly little human beings.
One thing that truly sucks about ever being caught out in the wild and face to face with a Kodiak would be your inability to run. I don’t care if it’s Usain Bolt the gold medalist in the men’s 100 meter race, at almost 40 miles an hour, nobody is outrunning a Kodiak bear. Not a chance. They’re also much more aggressive toward humans than their polar bear counterparts because, unlike polar bears, Kodiaks are territorial.
Some interesting facts to know if you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time and a Kodiak attacks you: you’ll probably only be mauled and then left alone, so you might have a slight chance of survival. Slight, but it is a chance. Also, it will probably be a female since 70% of brown bear attacks are at the paws of females protecting their young. That’s one mean Mama!
WHO WINS?
THE SAGE SAYS…Kodiak bear takes this battle of the beasts. For the sake of the argument, if both animals are the same height and weight, I don’t know if the polar bear can handle the extra weight and speed of the Kodiak bear. However, if the polar bear is able to use its agility to out-maneuver the Kodiak, it may have a chance but I don’t see it happening. Kodiak wins in three rounds, knocking the polar bear out with a sickening swipe across the head.
KODIAK BEAR WINS
*Polar bear ain’t got nothin’ on me!
I love animals. Great blog and hope to have some time soon to come back and read more!
Yeeaahhh!! The battle of the beasts has arrived. Interesting read, and even funnier result: “Kodiak wins in three rounds, knocking the polar bear out with a sickening swipe across the head.” Remember when Sam Adams said do not panic? Well, if you see these two freaks of nature, panic.
the kodiak is like the chuck norris of the bear world
i killed one before
i like da potatoes and pizza!!?
i don’t know who lindsyn is
i wonder wht i think about chicken and walruses