4.30.2009
TODAY’S LESSON FROM THE DON:
“Wear a mask? Fuck the swine flu.”
Tell ‘em like it is, Don.
4.30.2009
TODAY’S LESSON FROM THE DON:
“Wear a mask? Fuck the swine flu.”
Tell ‘em like it is, Don.
BREAKING NEWS: World Health Organization raises alert to second-highest level, indicating swine flu nears widespread human infection.
CALIFORNIA DECLARES A STATE OF EMERGENCY
SWINE INFLUENZA PANDEMIC SPREADING GLOBALLY
Please, everyone, just CHILL THE HELL OUT!!! Remember the bird flu a few years back? How about SARS (Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome)? And don’t forget Ebola. Oh, and the mad cow disease! That one was fun too.
So, now, I’m going to do it: I’m going to let you in on some upcoming influenza the world will be freaking out about next.
EAGLE FLU – Tough one to kick however, this flu will give you an eagle eye
GIRAFFE FLU – Unfortunately, no immunization for this flu that makes your neck grow uncontrollably.
ZEBRA FLU - Get to the doctor quick before this flu turns your skin into a bunch of funky black and white stripes (might be cool for about a day).
HOUSE FLY FLU – This was is somewhat harmless but tends to buzz around all day and really piss you off.
GOLD FISH FLU – Whoever thought a fucking gold fish would give us the flu?
COCKROACH FLU – The filthiest most disgusting flu of them all, this flu is the one that officially makes mankind FUBAR.
OH MY GOD IS HE TALKING ABOUT MARIJUANA? WEED? POT? GANJA? THAT MARY JANE GIRL?
Um, yes, actually I am. I’m only discussing it because it’s been such a hot debate that it’s literally smoking (pun intended). 14 states in the union have legalized medical marijuana. Maybe they see a good reason to legalize a drug that could reap in a few billion dollars of revenue for the government each year.
Regarding that, I thought I’d help out some of those states out with some slogans they could use in case they ever decide (or get forced) to legalize Ms. Mary Jane.
“Ever been to the desert….on weed?”
“Wake up to a friendly joint and a glass of Florida orange juice!”
“Toke up freely deep in the heart of Texas.”
“We’ve got wine and cheese and now weed and cheese.”
“Growing blue weed on blue hills.”
“Legalizing weed down in the bayou.”
“Now you can smoke a bowl with Elvis!”
“Never in a million years.”
Okay, back to work on this one because it’s been too long and I’ve got people asking why. Decided to pit some naturals against one another. That means natural breasts, something it seems we as a society have gotten away from a little too much. Fake is out, natural is in. At least in my world it is and that’s all that really matters.
$$$MONEY$$$ SALMA HAYEK
Salma seems like such a sweet girl, doesn’t she? Remember when she first appeared in American cinema with Antonio Banderas in Desperado? Smooooooooookin’! Strangely, she almost looks better today then she did back then but we’re talking apples and oranges here. Naturally, Salma, yours are something to be reckoned with.
PORN HONEY – CHRISTY CANYON
Christy Canyon is one of those porn stars that’s been in the game for years. You mention her name out loud on the streets and chances are someone knows it, maybe more than just a few people too. Christy also broke into the industry back when producers wanted their porn queens to be stacked naturally, possibly a 1980’s trend of some sort. If you’d like more information about Canyon, find her porn autobiography, Lights, Camera, Sex!, a read I’m sure will be interesting if not entertaining.
PLAYBOY BUNNY-GIANNA MAZZON
Gianna’s a pretty, all natural Playmate from San Diego, CA. Apparently, the dudes really dig her boobies as they are not only 100% organic, but rather large 34D sized breasts. Personally, I’m not big into Playmates as it’s tough to tell how pretty they really are due to the make-up and air brushing along with the fact that many of these gorgeous women take some of their gorgeous out by replacing their naturals with fakes. Stupid.
AND THE WINNER IS…Very tough since the three women here sort of feel like they’re on an equal plane. However, while Gianna Mazzon’s 34D’s are an eye-popper and Christy Canyon’s enormous jugs are as well, this victory goes to Salma Hayek who is beautiful, sweet and has a rack that’s the envy of many women in the world, including other female celebrities.
SALMA HAYEK WINS
It just occurred to me that everyone has something to say about pop culture. So you know what: I want to hear about it. I want to hear it all. Just rip into it. Drop a comment. Here’s a few pics of what it means to yours truly.
*Sold out really bad.
*Get the fuck outta here with these three douches.
*Mainstream America’s wet dream.
