“A-well-a everybody’s heard about the bird
B-b-b-bird, bird, bird, b-bird’s the word” – Surfin’ Bird (The Trashmen)
Next time you here that tune you may wonder about birds. But what about birds? Are any of them even dangerous? I absolutely, positively, beyond the shadow of a doubt, HATE FUCKING BIRDS! Unless it’s eagles or raptors or falcons or any other birds that we call birds of prey. They’re cool. The birds chirping outside of my god damn window at seven in the morning are chumps.
Anyways, some very dangerous birds on our planet you’d rather not encounter.
CASSOWARY (Genus - Casuarius)
Native only to Papua New Guinea and northeastern Australia, the cassowary is a large, flightless bird with an ugly blue head and a big feathery body, almost as if they were giant peacocks without those beautiful, grand feathers. However, unlike NBC’s little mascot, the cassowary is packed with some attitude and some gnarly claws on its feet. Usually shy, the bird will unleash its fury in an instant if it feels threatened and they’ve got the strength to break bones and fatally wound children and dogs with their kicks. OUCH! They’re still super ugly though.
SEA GULL (Family - Laridae)
Another bird I can’t stand since it really makes life at the beach, harbor, pier and docks a nightmare. They swoop down and eat your fish, crap all over the place and make way too much damn noise. They’re also mean, nasty and hostile. Just ask people in Great Britain where they have a bad sea gull problem. Remember that Hitchcock movie, The Birds? Well, obviously he wasn’t bullshitting since he must have known how dangerous those annoying aviators were.
RHEA (Genus - Rhea)
A rhea is basically the South American ostrich since they look very similar, belong to the same group of birds and are both ugly. Really, really ugly. However, they’re both also really, really fast and powerful for a bird. A rhea is about a third of the size of an ostrich but it doesn’t lack punch. They may not be as quick to a bad temper as the ostrich or cassowary but if the rhea does get pissed off, it’s kick packs 800 pounds of force per inch. But it’s still ugly.
OSTRICH (Struthio camelus)
Far and away the most dangerous bird of them all, the ostrich is the also the largest, heaviest and meanest bird in the world. It rules the kingdom of the birds with a heavy hand, no other bird even within 200 pounds and a few feet of the ostrich. What makes the ostrich so frightening is the fact that it not only has an attitude but has a kick so powerful it can kill a hyena! Oh, and it can chase you at 30 mph for over ten miles. Yep, that would certainly suck! Maybe that picture above will scare you off enough not to ever want to be face to face with an ugly old ostrich.
