THE TIP TOP OF HIP HOP

Monday, May 4th, 2009

I’ve made a list, in no particular order, of some of the greatest hip hop albums of all time, stop pop culture style. Most of these albums dropped before hip hop had even become “pop culture”. Please, feel free to lend more as these aren’t the be all, end all.

illmatic

Nas – Illmatic

Some consider this to be the greatest hip hop album of all time although I tend to disagree, albeit due to personal reasons, not facts. However, this classic lesson in true hip hop can’t be disputed as one of the best since damn near every track hits hard and Nas’s lyrical flow is hard to stop listening to.

i-wish-my-bro1

Del the Funkee Homosapien – I Wish My Brother George Was Here

This is one of those Pulp Fiction albums of greatness: it’s not great fundamentally but incredibly innovative and difference, hence, making it incredible. This was Del’s introduction to hip hop fans and there were no questions asked afterwards knowing now that Del was an incredibly gifted rapper as well as one of strangest son of a bitches hip hop will ever know.

nia

Nia – Blackalicious

Any true hip hop head will tell you it’d be hard to find a better rapper than Gift of Gab from Blackalicious. There really isn’t anything he can’t do on the mic. If you really want proof of this, Nia is the album for you. And, if you have a chance, download or buy the single “Swan Lake” that Gift of Gab did with DJ Shadow around the same time, one of the greatest hip hop songs of all time. ‘Nuff said.

innercity-griots

Freestyle Fellowship – Innercity Griots

Quite possibly the album that put underground hip hop on the map forever, Fellowship’s Innercity Griots is a classic to anyone who knows about hip hop on the west coast. You mentioned Fellowship (nobody bothers with the word Freestyle anymore) on the left coast and you’re bound to run into some smiles. Aceyalone and Mikah 9 lead the way of the lyrically gifted Los Angeles hip hop ensemble definitely worthy of a listen and a buy.

ready-2-die

Notorious B.I.G. – Ready to Die

Here’s something interesting: I’m a west coast guy however, you will not see any Tupac albums on this list. Why? None were quite good enough. 2Pac had some classic, great songs, but not any true classic albums. At least not in my book. From first song to last song, Ready to Die is incredible. What’s funny is the big hits from Biggie’s first album (Juicy, Big Papa, One More Chance) aren’t even the best song. The title track, Ready to Die, is incredible. Listen to it. Then, listen to it again and again and again until you realize how damn good it is.

do-u-want-more

The Roots – Do You Want More?!!!??!

Ah, the Roots, possibly the most gifted hip hop ensemble all around since they make all of their music with instruments and have a great rapper to boot. When this album dropped, it blew everybody in the world of hip hop away. The songs were jazzy but hit hard and still remained mellow and melodious. What’s great about the Roots is they have a unique sound that’s impossible to mimic and their first album is a very indicative of this.

midnight-marauders

Tribe Called Quest -Midnight Marauders

Yes, you may think I’m a whack job with this choice since so many hip hop fans would pick Tribe’s first or second album as their best however, their third installment was a complete sleeper and therefore makes this list on that little fact alone. Tribe fans tend to get caught up in their Bonita Apple Bum and Scenario days, both classic hip hop tracks. The final cut on this album, God Lives Through, is one for the ages, and an incredibly fun song to listen to if you’re a hip hop fan that goes way back. To hear Tribe name some of their hip hop brethren in this song always gives me the goose bumps.

new-jersey-drive-vol-1

New Jersey Drive Soundtrack Vol. 1 & 2

I don’t think any of our newer hip hop heads have ever heard of New Jersey Drive or its classic soundtrack, an album that was far better than the movie it was made for. There’s so many hidden gems on these two volumes that it’s hard to pick which ones stand out but “You Won’t Go Far” by O.C. and Organized Konfusion is one of the better tracks. But this purely east coast lineup is damn hard to beat just to name a few of them: Organized Konfusion, O.C., Black Moon, Outkast, Redman and Notrious B.I.G. Buy this album and show it off to all your homies that have never heard of it.

entroducing

DJ Shadow – Entroducing

Quite possibly the greatest musical hip hop achievement of all time, DJ Shadow’s first album, Entroducing, is one of the most amazing gifts to your ear you will ever receive. Listen as he takes you on the most incredible journey through the sounds of hip hop that you will ever take in your life. This man is so damn gifted and this album so great that it doesn’t even need rapping in it. It should be every rapper’s dream to make a song with DJ Shadow at the helm because his beats are perfectly constructed without even a minor blemish. If you haven’t heard this album, GET IT!!! All you need to do is shut your pie hole and listen to hip hop music at its finest.

CURRENT CELEBRITY DOUCHEBAGS

Monday, May 4th, 2009

“With a douche-douche there, and a douche douche here. Old McDouchey had some douches, douchee-i-ee-i-oooooooooo!”

That probably reads pretty strange but it was damn fun to write anyhow! I decided to put my stop pop culture feelers out there and it came up with a list of current douches that need to be pointed out. 

rush-limbaugh

POLITICAL DOUCHE: RUSH LIMBAUGH

Rush ain’t shit, just so you all know. He’s a big pussy hiding behind a giant conservative bark that’s sounds way more intimidating than it really is. Truth be told, Limbaugh is a little Douchbaugh.

kanye-west

MUSIC DOUCHE: KANYE WEST

Sometimes you just have to let your talents speak for itself and shut your pie hole. Kanye is the quintessential representative of this since just about everything he’s said in the last few years has put him next to the dictionary term “douche”.

joaquin-phoenix

MOVIE DOUCHE: JOAQUIN PHOENIX

Here’s what Joaquin/Leaf “I’m a rapper but it’s a hoax but I’m really actually now a rapper” Phoenix doesn’t seem to understand about the rumors circulating his new career as an emcee and the other rumor that this new career is all a big masquerade: EITHER WAY, YOU’RE STILL A FUCKING DOUCHE FOR DOING IT.

APTOPIX Giants Cowboys Football

SPORTS DOUCHE: TERRELL OWENS

Terrell Owens probably names everything he owns Terrell Owens because he’s that much in love with himself. He’s plays in the NFL but his real profession is bitching and moaning and talking about TO. If he doesn’t get his, TO makes sure everyone else gets theirs by pointing fingers at his own teammates over and over again. At the same time, TO hasn’t been catching passes like TO used to so maybe TO needs to shut his pie hole because TO is a grade A 100% douche.

madonna-old

DIVA DOUCHE: MADONNA

First, Madonna was rumored to be banging A-Rod behind their spouses’ backs. Also, I think it’s time to let it be known that Madonna’s time in revealing outfits is up as she’s close to the century mark and her face looks like an old Italian woman who’s getting ready to cook up some great sauce. In addition to that, the country of Malawi rejected her request to adopt a child there. It’s because Malawi knew Madonna was a douche.

STOP WATCHING THIS CRAP

Monday, May 4th, 2009

Alright I had to do it: I had to break out a little list of some stop pop culture movies to match with this year’s summer blockbusters. I figured it’d be more fun to break them into categories since I love you all so much.

NOBODY CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM IN SPACE

new-star-trek

STAR TREK XI

Supposed to be HUGE and saturated with devoted TREKKIES who actually would rather be called TREKKERS but most people would call them DOUCHES. Anyways, the new Star Trek is going to be big but will it be good? Though I’m offering another space movie to watch and I can’t stand Star Trek, I have a strange feeling this one’s going to be good.

event-horizon

STOP POP CULTURE SAYS: EVENT HORIZON (1997)

If you’re easily scared of scary movies, sit this one out. Event Horizon tells the chilling tale of a futuristic rescue crew sent on a mission to find a spaceship that vanished into a black hole and returned with a different attitude. Lawrence Fishbourne and Sam Neil star in this very scary movie that delivers some serious scares throughout. I’ll admit, it’s not the best movie or anything, but it’s worth your time if you like to get the shit scared of you. And it’s within orbit of Star Trek and space movies so watch it and shut your pie hole.

WE ALL WANT TO BE A SUPERHERO

x-men-origins

X-MEN ORIGINS:WOLVERINE

Best thing about this movie is that I don’t really need to explain it because you all already know everything about it. That’s what $100 million worth of advertising will do for you. Sometimes it seems like we’re living with Wolverine and Hugh Jackson is just some actor we’ve seen in movies like Swordfish.

robocop

STOP POP CULTURE SAYS: ROBOCOP (1987)

In the grand context of metal-made superheroes, why do we always seem to leave Robocop out of the mix? That first Robocop is one bad ass movie, something every teenaged boy should watch when he’s ready to enter manhood. It’s a story of a cop that gets turned into a mere vegetable by malicious thugs only to return as a reanimated cop made of metal and wires and filled to the brim with whoop ass. Anyways, bullets can’t stop Robocop, an automatic reason to see it.

IT’S EVERY MAN’S DREAM TO BE A TERMINATOR

terminator-salvation

TERMINATOR SALVATION

Well, this one has Christian Bale as John Connor and Bale doesn’t do a whole lot of shitty movies so this is a good sign for the new Terminator. However, the PG-13 rating pisses me off since every Terminator before this one has been rated R without a question. This trend of PG-13 sequels when all their predecessors were rated R must stop. If not, I’m protesting across the country.

terminator

STOP POP CULTURE SAYS: THE TERMINATOR (1984)

I picked the original Terminator to prove a point: it doesn’t get nearly the love it deserves. Why? Because Terminator 2 was so good, people tend to forget about the first one. While it may not live up to it’s classic sequel, the original has a wonderful story and some kick ass scenes that you won’t be disappointed in. Also, the first is a lot scarier and evil, something the second doesn’t focus on. This is maybe the only time you will ever see Arnold Schwarzenegger as a villain and he plays one of the greatest villains in action movie history. ‘Nuff said.

SHOVE IT UP YOUR TAIL PIPE

the-fast-and-furious-4

THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS 4

I look back on his career and ask, “has Vin Diesel ever done a good movie?”. The answer is pretty much known since his best flicks weren’t that great anyways. His role in Boiler Room was his best in my book and The Fast and the Furious is a joke, an action movie for car-obsessed jerk-offs that don’t know their dicks from their brake pads. Anyhow, regardless of what I think of the movie, it will have a huge first weekend but will then probably dwindle badly because it will suck balls.

maximum-overdrive

STOP POP CULTURE SAYS: MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE (1986)

Oh, the joy, the joy. This movie has a silly but relatively cool plot: after a mysterious comet passes too close to earth, every machine on the planet becomes alive and goes on a murderous rampage against humans. Pretty cool, eh? The movie centers on a group of people trying to keep their lives at a rural truckstop where they’re being terrorized by a band of 18-wheelers. Yep, you read that right: 18-wheelers. Those trucks are lead by the face of the entire movie, a toy company truck sporting a super devilish green goblin face on its grill. Emilio Estevez leads the band, doing his best with a machine gun to kick some major 18-wheeler ass.

RIDING A GRAVY TRAIN WITH BISCUIT WHEELS

taking-of-pelham-123-new

THE TAKING OF PELHAM 1 2 3

Starring Denzel Washington and John Travolta, this remake of the original classic should be exciting but I can’t say it will keep up with the first one. It involves some bad dudes who hijack a New York City subway train for ransom and create a painfully unconventional day for dispatcher Walter Garbe. Once again, the original was awesome and remakes these days ain’t so awesome. In fact, they’re not even mediocre.

speed

STOP POP CULTURE SAYS: SPEED (1994)

Another movie we seem to have forgotten in the action movie genre. Speed, starring Keanu Reeves as an L.A. cop trying to save a bus full of passengers in danger of being blown to pieces because there’s a bomb on the bus that will detonate if the vehicle goes below 50 mph. One of the best action movies I ever saw in my life and, while a good portion of the movie does take place on a bus, there’s much more, including a scene on a train. Worth watching and I’ll even give you my address so you can come punch me if you don’t like it. I’m that sure of this one.