It wasn’t until some good friends of mine revealed it to me that I realized Hollywood has been ruining some of our all time favorite flicks. Just a few days ago my buddy told me Will Smith is remaking Karate Kid with his son in the leading role. Just so you know, Willie, if it ain’t Ralph Macchio and Pat Morita, it ain’t the Karate Kid.
Anyways, this pisses me off. Leave the timeless classics as they are: timeless.
THE KARATE KID (1984)
Remaking this is like trying to remake the recipe for McDonald’s fries: if it ain’t broke, why fix it? A really great movie doesn’t need to be remade you greedy Hollywood pricks. Let Macchio and Pat Morita have their eternal time in the sun…please! Besides, something seems wrong about the Karate Kid now gettin’ jiggy wit it. Right?
GHOSTBUSTERS (1984)
Fortunately for us 1980′s kids, the original Ghostbusters (Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis, Ernie Hudson) are returning for the remake but does it really matter? We’re talking Gozer, Slimer and the Stay-Puft Marshmellow Man here, people! DO NOT REMAKE GHOSTBUSTERS…I hope Gozer comes back from the supernatural dead and destroys Hollywood for this.
RED DAWN (1984)
BTW: 1984 may be a theme here but I’m not trying to make it one. Guess a lot of cool movies came out that year. Red Dawn is sort of a cult classic about a group of high school kids in a Midwestern town who band together to try to survive invading Soviet Forces during what looks like the beginning of World War III. Awesome movie, awesome cast, awesome action. Also, an awesomely TERRIBLE remake is on the way.
THE EVIL DEAD (1981)
Again, why are we messing with a good thing? Another cult classic that spun off two incredibly successful cult sequels, The Evil Dead was director/writer Sam Raimi’s calling card. After this movie and the follow up, his name just kept getting bigger. Now, we have to see this great campy horror movie (not scary, more funny than horror) remade into a contemporary piece of shit? Sad, I say. Just sad.
MEATBALLS (1979)
Bill Murray was on fire in this summer camp comedy classic as a quirky but fun camp counselor who has grown sick and tired of losing the Camp Olympics to the rich kids summer camp nearby. See if you can youtube the scene where a reporter is interviewing Murray in the beginning: what he says will have you doubled over in laughter. Now, they’re remaking it with the director of Big Momma’s House on board. That means the movie already sucks balls.
THE LAST DRAGON (1985)
This one is strange because they’ve chosen to remake a terribly shitty black martial arts film from the 80′s that wasn’t so good in the first place. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE THIS MOVIE. “Leroy!” always gives me goose bumps when Sho’nuff (The Shogun of Harlem as stated in the movie one time) calls him out. Also, the lightning in the end fight scene is so bad it’s awesome! Now, Samuel L. Jackson (of course) is on board to remake it. Sheesh. And Mr. Jackson just keeps going down the drain.
P.S. The main chick in The Last Dragon, Vanity, was the early 80′s version of Vanessa Williams and Beyonce…Smooooooooooking hot!
