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WHO ARE THE UGLIEST RAPPERS EVER?

Tuesday, May 26th, 2009

WHO ARE THE UGLIEST RAPPERS EVER??!!??

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*Notorious is definitely the most talented of this group. R.I.P., Biggie, but you were ugly.

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*It’s no wonder why Biz Markie was “Just A Friend”.

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*Be as skinny as you want, Missy, you’re still a beast.

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*A nasty ass grill automatically puts you on the Ugly list. So does the name Chamillionaire. WTF is that supposed to mean?

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*So ugly you had to look away when the “Flava In Your Ear” video was on.

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*Even a cracker like me knows something’s wrong with that hair.

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*Was ugly before anyone knew what ugly was. Have any of the disgusting women that have kissed Flav ever been electrocuted by his mouth? I mean, that’s just a lot of metal.

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*If a women tells you she thinks Lil Wayne is hot, she’s a golddigger. Only fish and reptiles would love this face.


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*Ugly is ugly but when you’re trying too hard to look like Eminem even though you’re a tiny little Brit chick, it’s not helping matters either.


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*Don’t do crack. ‘Nuff said.

T-Pain at MTV's TRL Studios, Times Square on April 28, 2008

*Seems like T-Pain is in love with Flava Flav, not a stripper. What kind of god damn outfit is this?

BRING BACK GARBAGE PAIL KIDS

Tuesday, May 26th, 2009

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*The most popular Garbage Pail Kid ever

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I decided with my buddy that we were going to bring Garbage Pail Kids back into popular culture because it’s so not popular culture.

Who doesn’t remember these disgusting and funny trading cards?

If you don’t remember them, you’re a chump.

If you didn’t like them, you should question your existence on earth.

These were awesome and so utterly vile that they’re pretty much out of the public eye these days. It’s probably been over fifteen years since Garbage Pail Kids were mainstream. 

Nowadays, they’re collector items, some worth tons of money. 

But that’s not the point. The point is we have to bring it back old school. Kids are too sheltered and squeaky clean these days.

Garbage Pail Kids will help change all that. 

Yes, boys and girls, throw those Yu-Gi-Oh cards in the fireplace and pick up some GPK cards as soon as possible. That’ll grow a little hair on your chest.

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*The first GPK card ever. This is worth some good money.

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*2nd series card. Still funny and wacky but not too over the edge yet.

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*You see they pushed the envelope a little more a few series later

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*The All New Series just tries to be extreme but lacks soul.

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*While the earlier versions were still nasty, they were still fun.

STOP AND LOOK AT YOURSELF

Monday, May 25th, 2009

These people live amongst us. Yes, yes, I know. Holy shit, indeed.

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Sometimes you really don’t need to say much. This is one of those times. Wow.

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Looks like a house cat exploded on her head.

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It would not surprise me if Ms. Watermelon was single.

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I mean, seriously, dude? Do I look at you or knock the fucking door?

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*They have these things called razors at the market. Aisle 13, I think.

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*Got the hots for her? Get in line.

COOL STUFF GUYS INVENTED: DUCT TAPE

Monday, May 25th, 2009

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DUCT TAPE

INVENTED BY: PERMACEL (DIVISION OF JOHNSON & JOHNSON)

Oh, the things you can do with duct tape!

But did you know this about duct tape?

It was invented back in 1942 as a water resistant sealing device for ammunition cartridges. That’s pretty bad ass, ain’t it?

The name “duct tape” derives from its once widespread and ineffective use of placing the tape over heating and air conditioner ducts.

Known in engineering circles as “the ultimate material”. That’s some deep shit right there.

The astronauts on board Apollo 13 in 1970 used duct tape to help fix a problem that saved all of their lives.

Duck Products gives out a college scholarship annually to the person that designs the most creative prom wear from duct tape. 

Great uses for duct tape below:

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*got guns?

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*the best way to hold two 40′s

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*stick around, lady

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*a creepy couple with way too much time on their hands

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*a douche bag with way too much time on his hands (the old man touching him makes me cringe as well)

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*a pretty hot chick with way too much time on her hands

WHY YOU DON’T PLAY WITH BULLS

Saturday, May 23rd, 2009

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Because they have large horns and weigh over a thousand pounds, dipshit.

GO BULLS!

THE SKINHEAD MAKEOVER

Friday, May 22nd, 2009

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First, you start with a tattoo in place of your mustache.

STOP POP CULTURE MOVIES

Friday, May 22nd, 2009

Another list of movies the Stop Pop Culture crew suggests you watch. If you’re a traditional studio blockbuster movie person, STAY AWAY!

If you like really cool, interesting and unique movies, WELCOME ABOARD!

As suggested by my boy, Kalipha:

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Aliens
Aliens is one of the single greatest sequels of all time. While few sequel films manage to resurrect the thrills of the first movie, Aliens takes all of the terror of Alien, crams it tightly into a SPAM canister of bad-ass action hero machismo, and let’s loose all the gooey, gory, acid-blooded action a human being can handle. Combine all that with superior direction from James Cameron and six of the scariest fucking costumes you’ve ever seen on camera and you’ve got yourself one hell of an action film.

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Dark City
So you’re looking for a superhero movie but you’re bored with the standard fare: Enter Dark City. This twisted hero flick is about a poor bastard (Rufus Sewell) who wakes up with no recollection of his past – in a city with no sunlight – with people who don’t seem to notice that things don’t add up. The creative and creepy villains, bizarre set designs, and always stunning Jennifer Connelly help bring this strange dose of film noir, superhero, and science fiction to life.

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Payback
When I think of cold-blooded killers, I think of this gem of a movie and it’s main character, Porter. Payback is about a very angry motherfucker coming back to collect some money that’s owed to him. When you see the flick, you’ll see how deftly unforgiving badassery mixes with dark humor. This movie goes great with steak, potatoes, and a side of beat-your-kids.

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Silver Streak
I’m sure there are better train movies than Silver Streak but I love Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder, so deal. These two comic geniuses take turns at trying to make a completely ridiculous plot gel together in this 1976 comedy, but it all culminates in a great train accident – so forgive the slapped together feel of this flick and just enjoy the 70’s cheese it reeks of.

Douche Bag Mafia

Thursday, May 21st, 2009

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Keeping it douche, 24/7.

RULES TO LIVE BY

Wednesday, May 20th, 2009

I came up with some rules to live, ones I think are worth mentioning. If you have any other suggestions, please send them over to thesage@stoppopculture.com!

RULE #1

Never upset a man with a lot of tattoos on his neck.

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RULE #2

Never wear a fannypack (it’s okay if you’re a girl but still looks lame)

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RULE #3

Never talk about Paris Hilton unless you’re referring to her as “stupid”. If not, leave the immediate area or risk an immediate ass-kicking.

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RULE #4

Don’t piss off the cops. Remember: they can beat the shit out of you and get away with it. In fact, they can kill you and get away with it. Always something to consider.

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RULE #5

Never believe anything the government tells you. They lie to you because they have to. Trust me, we don’t even want to know half of the truth.government-lies


RULE #6

Don’t do meth (or crack, or coke, or heroin).

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RULE #7

Always tip. It could mean the difference between good service and someone pissing in your soup broth.

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RULE #8

If you want to follow a team, follow the Raiders. Even if they suck, at least they have the coolest colors and the best logo in all of sports. So, no matter what, you’ll look good.

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TO BE CONTINUED…

MONEY HONEYS AND PLAYBOY BUNNIES

Sunday, May 17th, 2009

This time around, I’m going with some of the up and coming stars in today’s world. Well, at least the one’s I thought I could manipulate into this column somehow due to my wildly ridiculous mind. But, I got some hot new names that are all over the place these days.

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$$$MONEY$$$ - ZOE SALDANA

I have to put her here now that I’ve seen the newest Star Trek. Saw the flick yesterday and looooooved it. And, I can’t stand Star Trek! Never have, never will…unless, we’re talking about this new one. And, if we’re talking about the new Star Trek, it’s hard not to talk about Zoe Saldana, the actress playing the new Nyota Uhura. There is cute, there is hot, and then there is smoooooooooking hot! I wonder which category Ms. Saldana falls into. She’s Dominican, a New Jersey native and a good little actress as well. Not only is she gorgeous but she can live up to whatever role she’s playing. This, I dig. As in, I really dig this smoking hot and gorgeous chick named Zoe Saldana who is now officially my new crush. Stop Pop Culture is now officially following you and also officially one of your biggest fans. GO ZOE!

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PORN HONEY – SASHA GREY

A Northern California girl, Sasha Grey is one of the most famous porn stars right now, straight out of Sacramento of all places. Saved up $7K to move to the lovely City of Angels to pursue acting and wound up becoming a porn queen instead. She’s apparently big on aggressive sex such as degrading sex acts like being slapped and hit during intercourse. Such a lovely girl, ain’t she? She’s also been featured in the Roots video, “Birthday Girl”, as well as Smashing Pumpkins music video “Superchrist”. Recently, she’s been testing her mettle in the acting world, appearing in some low budget films. In a Rolling Stone interview, she was quoted as saying to the women in the world “it’s okay to be a slut”. Sasha, how about you have your opinions and the rest of the women in the world have theirs? Celebrities say some silly things but this porn star saying something that ludicrous is just dumb as shit. Also, one other thing, it was really hard finding any good pictures of Ms. Grey where she wasn’t blowing some dude or taking it up the you know what. How many women would admire that about themselves? I’m curious.

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PLAYBOY BUNNY – DASHA ASTAFIEVA

Dasha Astafieva, January 2009 Playmate of the Month, making the Playboy’s 55th Anniversary Playmate. This Ukrainian beauty is also part of the Ukrainian pop group, Nikita, showing that not only can she rock a hot body, she can rock a tune also. At least, that’s probably what she thinks. Me? I can’t see any Playmate of the Month rocking any kind of music unless it’s gorgeous Vanessa Williams who had a hell of a successful music career after she was stripped of her Miss America crown. Then again, that was Miss America, not a Playboy Playmate. Anyways, I guess you might start hearing more and more about her throughout this year since she’s apparently cutting in on The Girls Next Door‘s action and trying to win over Hugh Hefner. This is not sitting well with platinum blonde doll, Holly Madison. Yes, my anti-pop culture friends, you shall be hearing much more of this pathetic tale in the coming months.

AND THE WINNER IS…Sasha Grey is immediately out of the running in this battle due to that ignorant comment. Look, I understand you’re a super successful porn star and yeah, most of us watch porn however, telling young women out there that it’s “okay to be a slut” is just pathetic. So it comes down to Zoe Saldana and Hugh Hefner’s possible new squeeze, Dasha Astafieva. Is this really even a contest? Not in my eyes. Besides, Dasha is overrated to me. She’s not even one of the prettier Playmates I’ve seen. Zoe, on the other hand, is drop dead gorgeous and looks pretty classy too. She wins in looks and style! 

ZOE SALDANA WINS!

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*I will be going to the next Star Trek partly because of you, Zoe

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