MOVIES THAT JERK YOU OFF

Thursday, June 18th, 2009

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So me and my buddy got to thinking last night: how many movies have we all seen in our life that had good concepts and ideas but absolutely sucked balls?

THERE’S A TON OF THEM!

Movies That Jerk You Off #1 – Vanilla Sky

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Tom Cruise blows but he picks good movies for the most part (Collateral, Born of the 4th of July) with the occasional piece of shit (Eyes Wide Shut) every so often. Vanilla Sky however, was a bit of both. The movie keeps you in, pulling you along for the ride until they end this grand plot with maybe the biggest cop out of all time. I still think everyone involved with making this movie still owes us all an apology or free movie passes for a year for such a mindless letdown.

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THE ULTIMATE JERK-OFF OF A MOVIE

THE REASON AMERICAN EDUCATION SUCKS

Thursday, June 18th, 2009

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They don’t even teach us how to spell SCHOOL correctly!

A TRIBUTE TO DIE HARD AND JOHN McCLANE

Thursday, June 18th, 2009

A TRIBUTE TO DIE HARD & SERGEANT JOHN McCLANE

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*Alan Rickman gets sent to hell in the first of the series

If you’re a guy then you’ve probably seen all of the Die Hard movies. If you haven’t, then you may just not be a man. You may be a woman disguised in a man’s body but you’re certainly no man because EVERY MAN in the U.S.A. has seen the Die Hard movies. And if you’ve seen the Die Hard movies, you’ve got to know who Detective Sergeant John McClane is.

One of the hardest, toughest, kick ass-est cop in the history of cinema. There’s really nothing more to add other than the fact that I felt completely obligated to dedicate a Man Tribute to John McClane. Something I have now done. So I’m content at the moment.

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*William Sadler gets sent to the grave in #2

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*Samuel L. Jackson helps McClane take out Jeremy Irons in the third installment

JOHN McCLANE’S GREATEST QUOTES

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“Just once, I’d like a regular, normal Christmas. Eggnog, a fuckin’ Christmas tree, a little turkey. But, no. I gotta crawl around in this motherfuckin’ tin can. “

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“Oh man, I can’t fucking believe this. Another basement, another elevator. How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice? “

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“Yippie-kai-yay, motherfucker!”

Still one of the most memorable quotes in action movie history.

HORSES AND SHARKS????!!!!

Thursday, June 18th, 2009

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This is some gnarly shit right here. Cool, but gnarly.

THE MOST HANDSOME MAN ON THE PLANET

Thursday, June 18th, 2009

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Catchin’ all the fly honeys.