Okay, so we devirginized this feature with Vanilla Sky, the ultimate jerk you off flick. Now for the second go-around I realized maybe it’s best to feature at least 2 per column since it’s MOVIES not MOVIE that jerk you off. Someone pointed this out to be and I couldn’t argue.
CONTACT
Well, Matthew McConaughey is Mr. Sexy and whatnot but he still can’t pick a good movie worth a shit. Jodie Foster, on the other hand, has picked good movie after good movie and then decides on this cheap trick of a movie. Apparently, Foster’s scientist in the movie might have made contact with aliens of another world. The movie keeps you on the edge of your seat, waiting, waiting, waiting. You’re hoping for a hell of an ending, one that blows your mind since you’re being led so much that it damn well better be a kick ass ending. Then comes the ending: SHITTASTIC! I could have scribbled this ending high on crack, bent on vodka and tranquilized on painkillers. And I still would have written a better ending!
HANCOCK
A lowlife alcoholic superhero? Sounds like an awesome story, seemed like an awesome movie but became everything but awesome. Will Smith (of course) is a superhero (Hancock) with a penchant for self-destruction, drinking away his problems with an inhuman amount of alcohol. Anyways, he saves some guy (Jason Bateman) who wants to help Hancock turn his life around with better marketing a PR. Bateman’s wife, Charlize Theron (totally not needed in this movie) doesn’t really dig Hancock and his ways much but we learn why later. The first half of this movie kicks ass, the second half gets its ass kicked. It’s as if the writers just STOPPED at the middle and threw the script to the dogs. This movie jerked me off so much I should have brought a box of tissues to the theater. Maybe even two.
JERK ME OFF RATING
CONTACT: 8
HANCOCK: 9.5
Absolutely right on Hancock! Totally lame ending with that battle in the hospital…
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I agree with what you wrote about hancock.. But i have to disagree whole heartedly on contact, this isnt your run of the mill sci fi story so i completely understand your take on it.. I think you really have to appreciate the mindset of Carl Sagan to enjoy this movie.