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Archive for July 6th, 2009
DOES A BUTT CHIN = DOUCHE BAG?
Monday, July 6th, 2009
My friend was telling me the other day: why is every guy I’ve ever met or seen with a butt chin a complete douche? I had never looked into that so now I have to.
This is a dedication to my friend who has taken the butt chin into the realm of Doucheism.
The question is: does having a butt chin relegate you to douche bag status? Let’s take a look, shall we?
DOUCHE BAGS WITH BUTT CHINS
John Travolta
Saturday Night Live, Pulp Fiction, doesn’t matter, John Travolta is a big douche bag. Sorry, he’s a big scientologist douche bag! That, in itself, is enough to throw you into the douche category. That little ridiculous grin on his face makes it even worse.
Ben Affleck
If you’ve ever seen Mallrats, it’s hard to imagine Ben Affleck not being that guy in the mall. He plays it so well that you have to wonder if Kevin Smith called him up and just said, “play yourself, Ben” because he’s the poster boy for all douches in that movie.
Ashton Kutcher
Has anyone leeched off Hollywood more than this butt chin-having douche bag? After That 70′s Show (where he was actually kind of funny), Kutcher did Punk’d which was a really douchey and ridiculously stupid MTV show that made him look dumber and less talented every week. Now, he’s married to Demi Moore because he knows that’ll keep him in the spotlight longer than his talent allows.
NON-DOUCHE BAGS WITH BUTT CHINS
Tom Brady
As a Raiders fan, Tom Brady pisses me off because of the tuck rule. If you don’t know about this, don’t worry, it was just the worst god damn call in the history of professional sports. Doesn’t matter though, Brady is still one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time and never struck me as much of a douche.
Aaron Eckhart
Harvey Dent/Two Face from the Dark Knight has as good of a butt chin as anyone but definitely doesn’t qualify as douche material. He’s a good actor, doesn’t seem to be a typical Hollywood diva and doesn’t ever try to look like something he’s not. If you want to see how it all started for him, rent In the Company of Men.
Matt Damon
Unlike his best friend above, Matt Damon hasn’t given us much chance to doucheify him in the public eye. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t act like an asshole like his friend who seems to think he’s the hottest thing to walk the planet yet hasn’t made a good movie in over 10 years now. In the meanwhile, Damon barely makes a crap movie.
At the end of the day, as much as my friend won’t like this, a butt chin does not make you a douche bag but rather it’s just that some douche bags have butt chins.
