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STOP FORGETTING THE 80′s: PART 2

Friday, July 17th, 2009

pioneer-chicken

PIONEER CHICKEN

Even though this fast food chicken joint was primarily a Southern California chain, I miss it a whole lot. It was my introduction to Los Angeles and to fried chicken pieces at fast food restaurants. I hadn’t been to McDonald’s all that much before I was 10 or so because I was always eating at Pioneer Chicken. All I remember is it was greasy, scrumptious, tasty and the price was right.

tears_for_fears

*finding the worst possible picture I could find was hard but I succeeded.

TEARS FOR FEARS

Man, I think back to the those silly, loud and ridiculous 1980′s and can’t seem to get Tears for Fears out of my skull. They had already scored some hits back in the UK until they put out “Shout”, a song that blew them up here in the states and is still going strong on radio stations today. Of course, that song was followed by the just as popular, “Everybody Wants to Rule the World”. However, these aren’t the only two tracks Tears for Fears had that are worthy of a listen. “Break It Down Again”, “Head Over Heels”, and “Woman In Chains” were also pretty big hits you may not have heard. Check them out. Oh, and if you think I’m a douche for liking this group, I’ll accept the heat. But, being dishonest about it would make me an even bigger douche.

fraggle-rock-2

FRAGGLE ROCK

With 96 episodes running from 1983-87, Fraggle Rock’s show filled with creatures of another world singing and dancing to their own music. That it was created by none other than Jim Henson made it simply an HBO version of the Muppets with the same happy-go-lucky style of critter but with a rock and roll edge. The show was so centered around music that the theme song hit #55 on the U.K. Billboard Chart. Yep, those furry Fraggles really got down.

micro-machines

MICRO MACHINES

What guy didn’t used to like Micro Machines? If you didn’t, then sit down or just turn around and walk away because there’s a screw loose in your head. These were perfect little miniature cars that you could just look at and gawk over. Kind of lame but for a little boy, it wasn’t so bad. In fact, it was awesome. The dude who talked super fast in the commercials was also a big plus to the whole Micro Machines cultures of the late 80′s and 90′s

MILF’S LIKE WEED?

Friday, July 17th, 2009

420-chick-8

I guess they do. And, I might add, nice nipple tattoo.

HIT THAT BLUNT, GIRL!

Wednesday, July 15th, 2009

420-chick-7

I never see chicks smoking blunts. This chick is smoking a fat one and she’s smoking it right!

KISS MY ASS & GO F**K YOURSELF

Tuesday, July 14th, 2009

kiss-my-ass

Hello, my good friends! How many of you would like to tell a few people you know or have met to kiss your ass or merely just want to tell them to go fuck themselves?

I’ve got a list of 5 that can KISS MY ASS & GO FUCK THEMSELVES.

gop-seal

1. The GOP

The Grand Old Party is filled with a bunch of hypocritical assholes in suits who think their shit doesn’t stink. Guess what, assholes, IT STINKS! For every Democrat you seem to accuse of this or that, two or three of your GOP members commit the same act or worse. Look, I don’t give a shit if you’re Republican but I do feel sorry for you because your party looks like a freshman’s dorm room:  messy, smelly and nobody knows where the hell anything is.

twilight-movie-poster

2. Twilight (The Movie, the 2nd movie and whatever comes after it)

First of all, that Robert Pattinson douche bag that all the girls are fawning over is nasty looking, super pale and well, looks like a god damn vampire. Also, who gives a shit if he’s dating Kristin Stewart or some other chick. He’s a damn vampire, get some garlic, a cross and some holy water and get him the hell away from us. Want to see cool teenaged vampires? Go rent Lost Boys.

swine-flu

3. Swine flu

Fuck off, swine flu! I’m sick of hearing about it, sick of the so-called “pandemic” and sick of people frantically running around like chickens screaming “swine flu!”. For someone that’s a hypochondriac (me, big time), even I know this has gotten out of hand. Get a hold of yourselves and oink, oink, bitches!

tmz

4. Harvey Levin & TMZ

Harvey, you’re an asshole, a tool, a jerk-off and a douche bag all rolled into one (yes, this actually is possible) giant ball of steaming, hypocritical horseshit. Your dickhead paparazzi harass and stalk celebrities all day long and when a celebrity doesn’t want a part of it, you bad mouth them like a bitchy, immature high school girl. I can’t wait till one of them smacks you in the mouth. If I get famous, be warned I will attack and won’t mind taking a little jail time for it either.

spam-hunter

5. Spam Hunters

You’ve got pedophiles, perverts, low-lives, malcontents and, of course, spam hunters. These losers actually spend their free time finding spammers and reporting them! Wow, what a fun job! Even better, these shitheels actually think they’re cool and spend their miserable lives trolling the internet for people (spammers, or so they think) to talk shit to because they’d never do that to anyone’s face. Remember, spam hunters are also the same ass-hats that really believe they have a shot at banging Lara Croft, the Tomb Raider.

MOVIES THAT JERK YOU OFF #3

Monday, July 13th, 2009

This version of Movies That Jerk You Off is dedicated to the most overrated comedy of all time.

borat

BORAT

“Did this man just make the funniest comedy of all time?”

I remember reading this caption on the front of Entertainment Weekly a few years ago with a picture of Borat behind it. When I read this, I knew it was a movie I had to see, for better or worse. Unfortunately, it was for worse.

Watching the movie, a few things dawned on me that other people seem to have forgotten. First of all, paying money to watch a 2 hour long version of Punk’d that uses Sacha Baron Cohen instead of Ashton Kutcher isn’t very funny to me nor is it very new or interesting. Second, me and my buddies could cruise the U.S.A. with a camera posing like documentarians and we would have had way better footage than this piece of shit and it would have been a lot funnier and less conniving. Also, I give absolutely no credit to the film and Cohen for posing as something they’re not just to trick people into doing things they thought were for a documentary only to be duped. Some people call that funny, I call that horseshit. Last, showing a hairy ass naked guy with his balls up in Borat’s face doesn’t do it for me. It’s not funny, just disgusting. If you laughed hard at this, something is a little wrong with you. That the naked fat guy gallops through that business conference and gets those reactions was, well, pretty lame. Just so you know, anytime a naked guy runs through a business conference unexpectedly, it will get a reaction. So, honestly, I don’t care if you or your friends or my friends think this movie is hilarious because it’s not. It’s the most OVERRATED comedy of all time and unfairly. Oh, and another thing, Bruno will suck too. Ali G sucked balls as well. For those of you who adore Cohen, find his address and send him a blowjob or something. Get over yourselves and stop drooling because he’s not that funny.

spiderman-3

SPIDERMAN 3

Are you kidding me? Possibly the worst comic book movie of all time because of the injustice this movie gives to two incredibly fascinating Spiderman villains that seemed to be mere crumbs in this movie. I already have big issues with Tobey Maguire in anything but the first Spiderman wasn’t so bad and I guess he plays a pretty decent Peter Parker. Now, we get the third movie and Spiderman fans are salivating over the fact that this movie will feature Venom, Carnage and Sandman. That’s already a few too many villains and they should have just went with Venom and Carnage. In fact, this entire movie should have focused and explained Venom, one of the most interesting and coolest Marvel villains in history. Venom kicks major ass and yet in this movie we barely ever see him other than as a black mass of virus lurking around Spidey’s room. This is just stupid shit. Truth is, Venom manhandles Spiderman a lot in the comics and we barely see the actual Venom in this movie. Finally, he appears at the way end along with a shitty version of Carnage who’s also a bad ass. It took a lot of thinking and I still can’t figure out how you screw this one up but they did and they did it horribly. This movie made me so angry that I can only write one thing about it: FUCK THIS MOVIE!

As always, please send over any suggestions for movies you feel jerked you off!

Size DOES Matter

Monday, July 13th, 2009

big-joint

This kind of effort brings a tear to my eye.

A TRUE POTHEAD

Friday, July 10th, 2009

pothead

Potheads are great!

MY OLDER SIBLING IS A BASTARD

Thursday, July 9th, 2009

funny-1851

Holding up in the marker in victory makes this picture even better.

THEY’VE GOT TWITTER, WE’VE GOT SHITTER

Wednesday, July 8th, 2009

shitter

Digging Twitter? Fine, but I’m bringing on Shitter.

You’ve got your tweets and I’ve got my shits.

I will do this just as Twitter would only it will be Shitter, a much better service that tells it like it is.

jamie-foxx

ShitterUser1 the more I see him the more it’s obvious: Jamie Foxx is a pompous prick who thinks his shit doesn’t stink. Look at the pic above: it stinks, Jamie.

michael-jacksons-daughter

Schayes8899 wonders if Michael Jackson’s daughter knows that he touched little boys and not her mother? Hey, I like MJ, but just saying.

hair1

LALakerFan1 Ron Artest just revealed that his barber will be making the trip to Los Angeles as well. BTW: his barber’s name is Boogie. Not a typo.

MTV Movie Awards Insider

MichaelBayIzADouche Michael Bay is a big, arrogant, jerk-off who makes $100 million dollar stunt shows. I’m on Megan Fox’s side, BTW

ca-gov

TheCaliGovSux wonders if state of CA is the 6th largest economy in the world, how the FUCK are we broke?

girlfriend

RIPAirMcNair sad to hear Steve McNair gets 4 slugs in his body, why didn’t he think of boys #1, 2, 3 and 4 at home b4 dating a 20 yr old wack job?

I will return again next week with more of the top shits from Shitter!

THERE IS NO “I” IN TEAM

Wednesday, July 8th, 2009

funny-55

I’d be part of this team any day.

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