You’ll disagree with some and agree with others which is good because I’ve always wondered: who IS the greatest stoner of all time. Also, this is for the greatest stoner not stoners so don’t expect famous stoner groups (Cheech & Chong, Harold & Kumar). Please enjoy the list and don’t forget to pass the J.

*This listed was intended to be only 10 entries but…well, let’s just say I was interrupted, and the list suddenly expanded to 21 entries instead.

21. Method Man (rapper and member of Wu-Tang Clan)

Method Man came onto the hip-hop scene with a storm because he had a very unique voice, delivery and a penchant for weed. He also loved hanging out with Redman, another huge marijuana advocate. Not only did they have a television show together (it was canceled quick) but their stoner flick, How High?, has become a classic in the world of weed.

Weedy Moment – Tical was so high all the time that he had his Lincoln Navigator seized and found out he owed $52K in back taxes when the state of New York’s Department of Taxation showed up at his door at 6am on March 19 with the NYPD.

20. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (NBA’s all-time points leader)

Yes, it’s the same superstar 7-footer with the beautiful, deadly sky hook shot that was probably the most indefensible shot in basketball history. Kareem also won 6 MVP’s, 6 championships and was selected to 19 All-Star games. Oh, and he likes the reefer. He experimented heavily with it during his years as a dominant center for UCLA which is funny because another Hall of Fame stoner, Bill Walton, comes from John Wooden’s Bruins dynasty. He also had a memorable cameo appearance in the great classic comedy, Airplane!.

Weedy Moment – Got caught with six grams of herb at the Toronto airport back in 1996 but paid a $500 fine and was released.

19. Bill Gates (Owner, co-founder of Microsoft)

Yes, my friends, the absolute richest man in all of the United States (Warren Buffett is just behind him) is also an experimental type (probably why Microsoft was even created in the first place) that has dabbled in LSD and, of course, has had many affairs with Miss Mary Jane. In fact, a long-known fact in the cannabis culture is that Mr. Gates broke up with a former girlfriend in Amsterdam, marijuana’s mecca of the world.

Weedy Moment – Only thing that comes to mind is that Bill’s been so stoned the last decade that he kind of let Apple and Google onto his playing field.

18. Jack Nicholson (acting superstar)

If you’re a Lakers fan, this shouldn’t surprise you as Jack ALWAYS looks high (what’s with the damn sunglasses???) sitting courtside to watch the purple and gold pound the hardwood. If you’ve seen any of his movies, his reputation as a toker is further cemented by the characters he always plays. Even when Jack flips out, he’s doing so in a fairly “chill” manner, don’t you think? If you happen upon a Lakers game anytime soon, observe Jack on the sidelines for a moment and you’ll see he’s clearly ripped.

Weedy Moment – One could say his main weedy moment is the fact he may be too high to know which kids are coming from which women (5 kids, 4 women…so far).

17. Shaggy (from Scooby Doo)

Scooby almost made the list but he couldn’t quite get in, partly because of his ultra-stoned sidekick, Shaggy. Shaggy walked, talked and acted blown every episode and never disappoints. His incredible appetite when he comes down with the munchies is astonishing, stacking up hoagie sandwiches and making them disappear in one bite. Sure, it’s a cartoon but you can’t knock Shaggy’s contribution to cannabis culture.

Weedy Moment – Every episode Shaggy was so blasted he was seeing ghosts and his best friend was a talking dog. His character was a weedy moment.

16. Dave Chappelle (Chappelle Show, Half-Baked)

When Half-Baked came out in 1998, my friend and I saw it opening weekend with maybe ten other people in the theater. We laughed and laughed and laughed, the opening scene at the convenient store setting the tone for the entire movie. I remember Chappelle being funny in Robin Hood: Men in Tights but he was playing a stoner way too good in this movie. When Comedy Central starting airing his show, I knew Chappelle would be referencing weed a lot. He did, the show was one of the funniest of all time but he couldn’t stand being handcuffed by a television station so he walked away after three seasons. This is still a very depressing sequence of events for fans of the show as so many stoners came together in unison to be entertained by Mr. Chappelle. Now, we haven’t heard from him in a while.

Weedy Moment – Went ape-shit, walked away from a $50-million dollar deal with Comedy Central and wound up in South Africa…and probably smoked a fat spliff there too.

15. John Lennon (Beatles)

How do you choose between John Lennon and Bob Dylan? Well, when you read Dylan’s paragraph you’ll understand why he beat John Lennon out. However, Lennon was a big time stoner, an amazing musician, was a huge reason the Beatles broke up (Yoko Ono being the biggest reason), and was murdered by some jerk-off who didn’t believe in freedom. John would’ve still been alive, happy and smoking a doob today if it wasn’t for that maniacal motherfucker!

Weedy Moment – Married Yoko Ono. Possibly he had been smoking a little too much?

14. Bob Dylan (superstar musician and lyricist)

If you like music, you’ve probably heard of Bob Dylan. If you haven’t, there’s something wrong with your circle of music friends. This man has written some of the best songs in the history of music. I don’t even like his music and I can admit that! Oh, yeah, and Bob likes his weed. And, Bob beats out John because Bob introduced John and the rest of the Beatles to herb. Bob is a kind and giving soul.

Weedy Moment – Crashed his motorcycle back in 1966 and broke a few vertebrae in his back according to him. He was probably too ripped or going too fast or both.

13. Tom Petty (Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers)

He had a huge hit song called “Last Dance With Mary Jane” which, if you’ve never heard it, even if you’re not into rock, check it out ASAP! Great song and Tom Petty’s a great singer and has been around a long time churning out hits. His line “let’s roll another joint” is another one of his references to cannabis. Also, if you’ve ever seen his hair, you’d have to assume Mr. Petty likes the reefer more than your average person.

Weedy Moment – Every time he’s publicly asked about weed he just smiles and says nothing (this is the best I could do since Petty doesn’t really have a good weedy moment).

12. Bill Murray (actor, Ghostbusters, Stripes)

There’s something about Bill Murray that makes me people laugh when he’s on screen. In fact, he doesn’t even have to say a word and you’ll laugh at one of his many facial expressions. When you learn that Murray is truly a big time pothead, you start to understand his overall body of work a little better. Ever noticed how he never really got too excited about anything? Happy, yes, but always very low-key. When you’re stoned, it’s not easy to get super super excited because you’re a little too stuck to do so.

Weedy Moment – Bill seemed too high to even realize that his ex-wife knew all about him traveling across the world for an affair.

11. Smokey from Friday

You may be wondering why I didn’t just list Chris Tucker but I don’t know if he’s a pothead or not in real life. But the original Friday movie where Tucker plays Ice Cube’s constantly stoned best friend, Smokey, he knocks it out of the park. If you’ve seen Friday, Smokey is always the first person everyone talks about. He was hilarious and smoked a lot of weed, so much so that he got into trouble with Big Worm, the neighborhood drug dealer.

Weedy Moment – Smoked so much weed that he owes Big Worm $200 by 10pm or he’s a dead man (in the movie, at leaset).

10. Oliver Stone (director, Platoon, Born on the 4th of July)

Platoon still ranks as the best war movie I’ve ever seen and Oliver Stone, the director, is still one of the greatest director’s I’ve seen in my time. Many of the scenes from Platoon were based on his tour in Vietnam, including the classic scene in the bunker with his unit smoking Vietamese reefer and listening to some tunes. His movies always seem to have references to drugs and, if you’ve seen Natural Born Killers, you’ll probably think the director was under the influence while directing it. Nonetheless, Oliver’s a big believer in cannabis and a hell of a director.

Weedy Moment – Got caught in 1968 trying to cross the border from Mexico with two ounces of dope.

9. Woody Harrelson (actor, White Men Can’t Jump, People v. Larry Flynt)

Woody’s known to have been a stoner for a long time, someone who clearly believes in the legalization of the plant. He’s always been candid during his discussion on the matter and doesn’t even mind being caught on camera with a pipe as you can see pictures of him toking up all over the web. He’s also on the NORML advisory board.

Weedy Moment – Decided to scale the Golden Gate Bridge with other protesters to demand the protection of an ancient redwood forest. There are other ways to handle this, Woody.

8. Willie Nelson (country singer)

I can’t stand country music but I like Willie Nelson, always symbolic of someone I that you would call “chill”. He’s a character but not a loud or obnoxious one but rather a talented musician who had a lot of demons that he abused with alcohol and coke but discovered a skunky green plant that he claims saved his life: marijuana. Willie’s always been a huge advocate Miss Mary Jane and just about every stoner on the planet knows who this man is.

Weedy Moment – In 1990, the IRS informed Mr. Nelson he owed them $16.7 million in back taxes, apparently the result of expired tax shelters his financial advisers put him into…or he was too ripped to ever check his finances in the first place.

7. Dr. Dre (producer, rapper)

This one might surprise some people but I had to consider revolutionary aspects of the greatest stoners. Because of that, it’s hard to deny Dr. Dre who’s 1995 juggernaut of an album, The Chronic, blew the doors off of rap and turned it into a mainstream juggernaut that was beating out rock ‘n’ roll music. Mainstream America had no idea what the hell chronic meant on the streets until Dre told them. It became symbolic of the best kind of weed you could find…until kush came along. Oh, boy.

Weedy Moment – Many of them as he’s been arrested numerous times for everything from assault to failing to show up on scheduled court dates. Obviously, Dre is still smoking that chronic!

6. Cheech (from Cheech & Chong)

We all know about Cheech and Chong, the most famous duo in the history of marijuana. For this list, it was only necessary to split them and put them individually in the top 5. After tons of comedy albums and movies devoted to the stoner culture, it’s an ode to their endless image within the pot community. Also, you can always get a crack out of Cheech’s name which derives from a fried Mexican pork skin snack called chicharron.

Weedy Moment – Got stupid and sampled the “space coke” in Cheech & Chong’s Next Movie that causes him to go ape-shit and rip a hole in the side of the house.

5. Jeff Spicoli (stoner, surfer-dude from Fast Times at Richmont High)

Played by Sean Penn, Jeff Spicoli is the greatest high school toker in the history of cinema. Don’t play me the Slater routine from Dazed and Confused as he was a solid stoner but by no means the best. Spicoli, on the other hand, nailed the character so good, it’s hard to remember much else from the movie other than a topless Phoebe Cates emerging from the pool soaking wet (two thumbs up!). Anyhow, Jeff Spicoli is forever remembered for his surfer-dude lingo and of course my favorite line: “Well, make up your mind, dude, is he gonna shit or is he gonna kill us?”

Weedy Moment – Almost too stoned to graduate history, prompting his history teacher, Mr. Hand, to force Spicoli to pass his exam on the night of the Prom. Fortunately for us all, Spicoli passes and makes it to the prom.

*I’m the first to admit that these last four could be arranged in any way and I’d be satisfied. This was just the order I settled on in the end.

4. The Dude (The Big Lebowski)

I actually had a lot of trouble deciding between Spicoli and the Dude four a place in the top four but, because the Dude abides, he got the nod. White Russians, a robe and a joint was the Dude’s simple but spot-on uniform of a middle-aged stoner. To the tune of Creedence Clearwater Revival, Jeff Bridges plays the Dude as laid back as anyone has ever been played. He slowly glides through the film in a weed-induced coma that has him figuring out the puzzle by the end. Apparently, the Coen brothers wrote the Dude specifically for Jeff Bridges to play.

Weedy Moment – Buying half and half with a check for 69 cents to was the perfect weedy moment to open up the movie.

3. Tommy Chong (Cheech & Chong)

Tommy Chong not only plays the classic Anthony Stoner character (they rarely ever mentioned his real movie name in the series) but his ties to cannabis in real life separate him from Cheech. The Canadian was in the spotlight a few years ago when he was arrrested for selling drug paraphernalia (this means “bongs”) through the internet by a company his son owned. A few documentaries (The United States Government v. Thomas B. Kin Chong, a/k/a Chong) go deeper into the controversy around that. But, his legal problems only added more supporters. He’s so popular in the cannabis community that they sometimes refer to a big joint as a Chonger.

Weedy Moment – For me, nothing beats Chong smashing a cockroach with his fist, putting it into a bong and smoking it.

*This qualifies as the weediest moment of everyone on the list.

2. Snoop Dogg (rapper)

It’s the D-O-Double-Gee! Snoop is so high all the time you often wonder if he’s a blunt in a human’s body. Dre was responsible for discovering Snoop and for the Chronic but the D-O-Double-Gee helped blow that album up beyond control. He’s also always talking about how high he is, holding a blunt, has stoplight-red eyes and is about as chill as it gets. His voice only makes him more of a stoner as he delivers it with a smooth and easygoing southern California inflection. He can’t even make or appear in a movie without some reference to marijuana. It’s hard to escape the weed persona when you have a blunt wrap named after you.

Weedy Moment – His variety show, Doggy Fizzle Televizzle. The name says it all.

AND THE #1 STONER OF ALL TIME IS…

1. Bob Marley (superstar musician and Rastafarian)

So, after sorting through such a great list of entertainers and fictional characters, it all came down to Bob Marley, reggae  and freedom extraordinaire. I’m not the person who has a lot of music by Marley, only a few songs actually, but his image resonates in the pot community more than anyone else. It actually dawned on me as I went through everyone and wondered who could legitimately claim the #1 spot and have the best argument. Bob Marley came out on top because every headshop in America has a picture of him somewhere, 75% of stoners have an image of him somewhere and 99% of all stoners have listened to his music. Basically, the percentages kept pointing in his direction. Marley would never tell you he was a stoner as he believed marijuana wasn’t a drug because it was natural and also played a daily role in his beliefs as a Rastafarian. That he died so early at the age of 32 was terribly tragic but it also turned him into perhaps the most iconic and symbolic stoner of them all.

Weedy Moment – He doesn’t have one because he’s #1.

14. EVENT HORIZON (1997)

Okay, we know what some of you are thinking. Event Horizon??!! But watch it again if you’re skeptical and notice how freaky it actually is. The ship is alive and uses evil psychology against each one of the crew members without ever really killing any of them. Also, the survivors weren’t the ones you expected to survive.

13. THE MIST (2007)

The only movie on the list that involves an non-human enemy, The Mist is probably the best Stephen King adaptation of the last ten years. Well acted and directed, it’s worth a look although I really couldn’t stand the ending. But I don’t know whether to hold that against the movie or Mr. King.

12. HIGH TENSION English HAUTE TENSION French (2003)

This is only on the list for what it was until the surprise twist ending that ruins it. Sure, some horror fanatics liked it but it’s a damn sure way to kill what had been a very good horror movie. However, director Alexandre Aja has a great visual eye and should be around a long time.

11. AMERICAN PSYCHO (2000)

This is one of the few movies that teeters on horror and comedy and almost crosses too far over both sides but never does. Part of the great thing about it is Christian Bale who gets to have tons of fun in the role of Patrick Bateman.

*Check out American Psycho II: All American Girl with Mila Kunis as the lead while she was still doing That 70′s Show. It’s not great but it’s a fun watch.

10. DAWN OF THE DEAD (2004)

There’s a remake of George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead every few years and they usually fail and aren’t even worthy of a mere mention. But Zach Snyder’s remake kicks ass in every way a zombie movie can. The scenes on the roof between survivors communicating with signs is hilarious and very original.

9. SCREAM (1996)

Wes Craven comes back into the public spotlight once again with this entertaining take on campy slasher flicks. The killer provides a fun little twist at the end and it’s amazing how many unknown actors owe their careers to this movie.

8. 28 DAYS LATER (2002)

The movie opens up perfectly and gives you an understanding of how horrific the situation is right off the bat. One thing we loved about it was Danny Boyle’s visuals, some that seem almost impossible to have pulled off in a huge city like London. Keeps you on the edge the whole way through. Best zombie film we’ve ever seen.

7. THE DEVIL’S REJECTS (2005)

Wicked, horrible, gut-busting fun! That’s about the only way we can explain Rob Zombie’s follow-up to House of a 1000 Corpses. It’s about a family of violent maniacs who get a kick out of torturing and killing their victims. William Forsythe is simply awesome as vengeance seeking Sheriff Wydell.

6. BLAIR WITCH PROJECT (1999)

This is just one of those perfect gems in the world of movies you don’t come across often. By perfect we mean the story is great, completely original and was the most profitable movie in the history of cinema even though it was only made for $35K. The marketing behind this indie hit was masterful as well. It opened a new world for independent filmmakers.

5. ARMY OF DARKNESS (1992)

Just plain fun to watch. Bruce Campbell is maybe the greatest hero in horror history. Damn shame he never became a huge star but he remains an icon for horror fans. You can pretty much sit back and enjoy this Sam Raimi flick with a laugh.

4. BRAINDEAD/DEAD-ALIVE (1992)

We don’t consider this movie to be a zombie film because it’s on its own in regards to horror. Peter Jackson makes gore humorous and rampant in this story about a nasty rodent bite that causes all hell to break loose for those that are bitten. Takes blood and disgust to an unimaginable level.

3. MAY (2002)

Wow. This movie deserved a lot more recognition than it received when released in 2002. We’re glad it’s becoming a cult favorite as it is a great horror film. What’s amazing is that there really isn’t any real gore until the final act where things get messy. We also will not be surprised if Angela Bettis wins an Academy Award one day. She’s really a damn fine actress that turns in a hell of a performance here.

2. AUDITION (1999)

Perhaps the most shocking violence of all the movies on this list, Audition packs a harder punch than almost any horror movie I’ve ever seen. A man auditions women to be his new wife and the one that catches his eye is far from the right choice. Terribly difficult to watch at times but a very good movie.

1. THE DESCENT (2005)

This one still makes our skin crawl. This is a perfectly crafted horror movie with all the intensity and horror you could ask for. Neil Marshall is an amazing director out of the UK who first came on the scene in 2002 with his first feature, Dog Soldiers. We look forward to his next feature as it’s sure to be the thrill ride his first two films were.

*While all are great movies, Silence of the Lambs, Seven and Jacob’s Ladder were left off the list because we believe them more to be suspense/thriller than horror movies.

AIRWOLF

Anyone remember this awesome helicopter series that ran from 1984-87 starring Ernest Borgnine and Jan-Michael Vincent? It was based on a high-tech military helicopter and the show had a running Cold War theme throughout. One of the funnest things about the show was Vincent’s role as the lead character and his name, Stringfellow Hawke. Anyone ever met a Stringfellow?

EWOKS

I’m a little annoyed with this one. George Lucas brings back the three part prequel to Star Wars 10 years ago with Episode I: The Phantom Menace and yet never did the Ewoks justice again. The Ewoks were some of the best things in the Star Wars movies and there was even an Ewok movie in the 80′s (it really sucked balls) but why not bring the furry little warriors back again? If Tickle-Me Elmo dolls can hit it big, there’s no reason not to think Ewoks can as well.

MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE

“By the power of Grayskull…I HAVE THE POWER!!!” Every boy who grew up in the 80′s loved that line because it meant douchey Prince Adam had just transformed himself into his hard ass alter ego, He-Man. Skeletor was He-Man’s arch nemesis and they’d go back and forth kicking each other’s asses in the universe. It didn’t last long but the impression it left on us actually did.

HACKEY SACKS

I’m not quite sure if hackey sacks are predominantly 80′s but they definitely blew up in the decade so I’m listing it. Everyone and their mother wanted one because they thought they’d look good kicking it around to their friends in a circle. One problem: hardly anyone could really do it right. These days, hackey sacks are still around, especially at party schools with a lot of pot heads. I don’t know why that is though.

Some crappy celebrity tippers below. In my opinion (and I don’t care if you agree or not), if you don’t tip your server properly, then yes, you are a bonafide douchebag. End of discussion.

AL GORE

First, he loses to George W (I suck balls) Bush in a rigged election that Gore should have rigged his way. Then, he wants to order huge breakfasts for his staff and not tip. Yes, I would have voted for Al over Dubya but that doesn’t negate the fact that he’s a mondo douche, and a boring one as well.

OJ SIMPSON

There are plenty of stories prior to his murder of Nicole Simpson that put the Juice into the negative light of crappy tippers. After the trial rocketed his stardom into the realms of infamy, he was still considered a terrible tipper by many servers that have dealt with him. It is possible he short changing the waiters in order to pay for his next criminal pursuit. With OJ, this is always a possibility.

RICHARD DREYFUSS

I kind of dig Richard Dreyfuss since he’s been in many movies I admire as well as being a top notch actor that doesn’t fail to give a great performance. In real life, however, Mr. Dreyfuss is a grade A douche. 

SHARON STONE

Apparently, Miss Stone is a nasty customer to have at your restaurant. She’s got a huge fetish with bottled water and, if you don’t accomodate her wants, she’ll throw a fit and leave a lousy tip on top of it. Maybe her servers can take solace in the fact that Stone hasn’t been in a good movie forever and she’s far from receiving big time paychecks as a leading lady. Why? Because Hollywood doesn’t seem to like her much either.

DON HENLEY

Man, even the Eagles! Don Henley is a hell of a talent but a great tipper or guest he is not. There are horror stories about him from waiters and hotel people all over the place. He’s very specific and demanding about what he needs in his hotel room before arrival and doesn’t give very good tips to anyone. Maybe he’ll give a tip When Hell Freezes Over. Okay, that was a lame joke. Sorry.

USHER

This one is my personal favorite because of the audacity of Usher. First of all, he’s a horrible tipper and doesn’t treat the restaurant staff all that well. But here’s the most arrogant, self-serving part of it all: his idea of a tip is leaving his autograph on the check! That’s about as douchey as one can possibly get, isn’t it?

Oh, boy, the women of our world certainly are beautiful. In this segment, I’ve had a feature strictly for the gorgeous latina and black women and yet, no love for the beautiful asian ladies.

No longer. Today is the day we recognize them.

$$$MONEY$$$ LUCY LIU

Been a while since Ms. Liu debuted in Hollywood back in 1989 before turning into a star via Ally McBeal and Charlie’s Angels. Her first cameo appearances worth mentioning were on the television shows X-Files and Hercules: The Legendary Jouneys. Of course, most of us recognized her first on Ally McBeal but what you may not know is she originally tried out for the role of Portia de Rossi’s Nellie Porter. She was so damn good they wrote in Ling Woo and Lucy Liu wasn’t such a small star too much more after that.

PORN HONEY – MIKA TAN

Mika Tan is one of your more popular porn stars in today’s world and possibly the most recognized asians in pornography. She comes from a Samoan/Japanese father and an Okinawan/Taiwanese mother. Her love for showing her body comes from her mother’s side of the family which has a long history of models and musicians. Her career started off from nude art modeling and stripping but her huge career really started when she was approached inside an AM/PM by porn director Jack Pearl. After tons of films, Ms. Tan now is a jack-of-all-trades doing a variety of different work inside the porn industry and is now officially a legal prostitute at Nevada’s world famous Bunny Ranch brothel.

PLAYBOY BUNNY – HIROMI OSHIMA

The one interesting thing about Hiromi Oshima that sort of shocked me was that she was the first ever Japanese playmate in the history of Playboy. And this is in 2004! For some reason I would have though Hugh Hefner would have researched the country of Japan for an array of beauties earlier on but I guess he had his hands full with other things. Her other pieces of fame are as appearances in the music video for Nelly’s “Shake Ya Tailfeather” and was also cast as herself in the 2008 Anna Faris comedy, The House Bunny.

Who Wins?

It’s always such a difficult choice but this one was a tad bit easier for me. Always dug Lucy Liu but she’s a little too feisty for me and seems like she’d knock my block off if I had a mere question for her. Hiromi Oshima is definitely a beauty but, unlike Lucy Liu, Oshima falls to the other side of the spectrum for me in that she seems somewhat timid and too nice. So, in a rare choice for me, I’m going with the ultra-sexy, ultra-freaky biochemist (yes, she has a degree in biochemistry!) porn star, Mika Tan. She’s a damn fine woman, just not one I would ever marry or bring home to mom. But, what mom doesn’t know won’t hurt her, right?

MIKA TAN WINS!

Well, you might just be right!

Tarantula Hawk (Pepsis formosa)

Not too many insects can claim the can handle a spider and only one insect can claim it can kick a tarantula’s ass. The tarantula hawk is a one of a kind wasp with a big attitude and an even bigger stinger. It’s called a tarantula hawk because it friggin’ hunts tarantulas. To be exact, only female tarantula hawks seek out spiders for the purpose of providing a meal for their offspring. The female wasp searches for a spider burrow and swoops down to start a fight, intruding on the spider’s dwelling and forcing it out. A fight ensues where the wasp will sting the hairy arachnid, paralyzing it. It will then proceed to lay a single egg on the immobilized spider. The tarantula hawk’s larvae will hatch from its egg and suck out the juices of the frozen but still alive spider. As the larvae grows, it will eat out the insides of the tarantula. YUMMY! Also, a fact you should know: Tarantula hawk stings are considered one of the most painful stings in the world although it will not kill you.

Tsetse Fly (savannah, riverine, forest species)

After learning about the tsetse fly, you’ll be glad you’ve only got the common housefly buzzing around your head obnoxiously. In Africa, they don’t do the common housefly. Nope, Africa does the tsetse fly or, the tsetse fly does Africa. What’s worse is that these nasty little bastards look very similar to houseflies but their wings sit on top of one another when resting and it’s got an enormously long proboscis to better bite you and me with. When it’s biting the people of Africa the tsetse fly is definitely at its worst since it infects its victims with something called trypanosomiases, fatal diseases that cause sleeping sickness and something called nagana in cattle. It would really suck to leave this world at the hands or proboscis of a damn fly. .

Mosquito (genus Anopheles)

The mosquito is not only one of the most unliked creatures on the planet, but statistically, it’s the deadliest animal in the world and it’s not even close. Why it’s deadly is another story, having nothing to do with anything the mosquito is born with. What makes the mosquito (especially the genus mentioned above) so freaky is the diseases it carries and transmits through biting. Known to affect 10% of the entire world’s population, the mosquito makes its infamous claim to fame by infecting its victims with yellow fever, dengue fever and the worst of all, malaria which kills over 2 million people a year. That’s a hell of a murder rap for such a tiny little animal. Anyways, next time you see a mosquito on the wall, SQUISH THE SHIT OUT OF IT and consider it payback.

Human Bot Fly aka Torsalo (Dermatobia hominis)

This is one of the most disgusting and disturbing creatures on the planet, especially in regards to humans. While most bot flies tend to prey upon mammals, human bot flies are the only ones known to specifically attack us. That’s not good news. Strangely, adult bot flies have nonfuntional mouth parts so they leave the feeding of human flesh to their young ones, the fat maggot-like larvae. They penetrate any natural opening or burrow through the skin and begin to chow down, swelling up on subdermal juice until their larvae stage is complete after about 20-60 days, forming a pupae and dislodging themselves from the wound. If you want more description, go to youtube and watch someone who’s been infected. Pretty disgusting.

Asian Giant Hornet aka Japanese Hornet (Vespa mandarinia)

One of the meanest insects on the planet, the asian giant hornet aka the Japanese hornet and, my favorite name, the Yak-killer. That should tell you the temperament of these flying, stinging insects that have a nasty, NASTY attitude and a penchant for ripping honeybees to shreds. At about two inches long, these gigantic hornets send about 300 of their maniacal soldiers out to raid neighboring honeybee hives that hold up to 30,000 bees. But, unfortunately for our happy little honeybee, their enemy can wipe out the entire hive in a few minutes, decapitating and dismembering their bee counterparts to pieces. Sounds like a good time. If you’re ever in Japan and you hear something buzzing, RUN!

There are so many gorgeous, beautiful, hot mom’s in this world so I felt it was only necessary to dedicate this one to them. I’m actually proud of this one. Like, really, really proud. Call me lame, I don’t care.

$$$MONEY$$$ HALLE BERRY

By the time it’s all said and done, Halle Berry might go down as one of the most beautiful women in the history of cinema. Forgive me, but Ms. Berry is so damn hot that she got even hotter after the birth of her baby daughter. That’s beauty for you right there. Beauty and a lot of working out. Not sure what the last movie Halle was in, although it doesn’t really matter since she makes any movie better due to the fact she can actually act! Ms. Berry is one of those women I’ve had a crush on since she began and will have a crush on forever. It also makes it easier to like her because she doesn’t seem to be a wack job like a lot of other Hollywood actors.

PORN HONEYS – DEVON LANE

Porn stars come and go, usually with the same stories for the most part. Not Devon Lane. Her story is a little bit more interesting, albeit for a porn star. Adopted by devout Christian fundamentalist preacher. Already sounds interesting, doesn’t it? After getting pregnant at the young age of 16, Lane started stripping to pay the bills for her child and herself. It wasn’t too long after that Ms. Lane was approached to start posing for softcore porno magazines, the beginning of her pornography career. Although she was a little on the older side for a new porn starlet, Devon debuted in a lesbian only hardcore porn scene in 1999, setting up her career for bigger paydays and more ways to branch out. Nowadays, Devon Lane is a director and writer, also occasionally starring in soft core movies.

PLAYBOY BUNNY – JENNY McCARTHY

First of all, let me just note that I totally forgot how beautiful Jenny McCarthy was. Maybe it’s because she’s been out of the public eye for a while, taking care of Jim Carey’s kids instead of sticking her face in front of a camera. But she’s still hot, still funny, still a completely different mold of playmate than most of the others. It started in 1993 as a photoshoot for Playboy, she became Playmate of the Year in 1994 and the rest is all she wrote. Married and divorced twice, now living with Jim Carey although they’re not not technically married. Also, she admitted to having oral sex with women while cheating on her first husband. I bet that last line got you going, eh?

Who Wins?

Tough choice here, mainly between Jenny McCarthy and Halle Berry, the super Milfs. Devon Lane is cute but lacks the beauty of the other two and also tries to justify how much of an independent woman she is although she’s still a porn star. That’s a big no-no for me. You are what you are: admit it. Jenny McCarthy definitely is gorgeous but I’m a tad turned off by the fake boobs and super blond hair. That being said, it’s also really hard to say Jenny is prettier than Halle Berry who is drop dead gorgeous.

THE WINNER IS HALLE BERRY

THIS GUY IS A JERK-OFF & THIS GUY IS A DOUCHE BAG

Is there a difference?

OF COURSE!

It may be tough finding the difference between two losers like this but that’s what we’re here for a stoppopculture.com!

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A JERK-OFF & A DOUCHE BAG

A jerk-off has thoughts about which video game chick he wants to bang.

A douche bag has thoughts about which super hot celebrity he thinks he can bang.

A jerk-off does meaningless work like flipping burgers while acting childish.

A douche bag does meaningless work like sitting in a cubicle thinking his work means something.

A jerk-off sings along to a song like a kid on too much sugar.

A douche bag sings along to a lame song that he actually thinks is cool.

A jerk-off goes out on a date and can’t stop thinking how lucky he is to actually be on a date.

A douche bag goes out on a date and can’t stop thinking how lucky she is to be on a date with him.

A jerk-off rushes home in excitement to watch the see the newest episode of Survivor.

A douche bag rushes home in excitement to see himself in the mirror.

Ley us know if you have any more suggestions about the difference between a jerk-off and a douche bag!

Killer link to affiliate website The Malephabet!

http://themalephabet.wordpress.com/2009/06/19/white-trash/