BATTLE OF THE BEASTS: MAGNETO VS SUPERMAN
I like Superman but I’m not a huge fan. I don’t need his symbol tattooed anywhere on my damn body, for instance. Many claim he’s the most unstoppable superhero in the universe.
Magneto, on the other hand, isn’t the physical specimen that Superman is but his powers more than make up for his lack of sheer strength. He can manipulate all things metal, which, if you think about it, is probably 50% of every object in world.
Now, who would win if they fought?
MAGNETO (Marvel Comics)
ORIGIN: Jewish Holocaust Survivor
Magneto is enemy #1 for the famous X-Men, and a mean motherfucking villain at that. And talk about having a bad ass power: Magneto can manipulate electromagnetic forces, which is basically controlling all things metal. Imagine that kind of power in L.A. traffic during rush hour, huh?
A mutant like all the other Marvel heroes and villains, Magneto was actually made out to be a good guy at first since he was, after all, a Holocaust survivor that went through a string of atrocities before ever becoming Magneto. In fact, the only reason he started a campaign against humans was to prevent his fellow mutants from the same kind of treatment he and his family received from the Nazis. Interesting, ain’t it?
As the X-Men’s main nemesis, Magneto can pretty much kick the ever loving shit out of any of them except, maybe, Professor X. But Magneto and Prof. X go way back and the only reason these two homeboys have beef is because their vision of mutants is different. But you’re talking about a dude that ripped the invincible adamantium from Wolverine’s bones during one of his epic battles with the X-Man.
On top of all these incredible powers, Magneto is also a genius. He knows everything about physics, engineering, genetic manipulation and technology. So, while he’s kicking the piss out of you, you’re getting smarter at the same time.
SUPERMAN (DC Comics)
ORIGIN: Planet Krypton (real Krypton name: Kal-El)
Yes, my friends, while we all know Superman just as well by his alter ego, Clark Kent, his real name, in fact, is Kal-El, given to him by his father, Jor-El, just before Krypton was destroyed. Superman was rocketed to earth just before daddy blew up and it was there that he was raised by a Kansas farmer and his wife.
“faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound”
This is always how Superman is explained to give us a good idea of how amazingly superhuman he is. As the name already indicates, Superman is exactly that with everything he has: super! He’s got super strength, super vision, super hearing, super sight (including X-ray rision, infra-red, heat emitting, telescopic and microscopic), super hops and super breath that he can use to blow out freezing temperatures and huge gusts of wind.
Superman can’t, however, fend out magical powers but with the powers he has, who really gives a shit? It’s kind of like the Shaq can’t shoot free throws dilemma: he can’t make a free throw for his life but he dominates the rest of the time (Lakers Shaq, I’m referring to).
SO WHO WINS?
THE SAGE SAYS: The battle rages on for days, Superman bringing out a huge can of whoop ass at the start. Magneto gradually fights his way back, wearing Superman down. It goes back and forth until day 14 when Magneto manipulates 10 NASA space shuttles to rocket Superman back to planet Krypton where the force of 10 space shuttles filled with rocket fuel explodes and gets sucked into an enormous black hole. Superman is never heard from again and Magneto sits back, folds his arms and feels satisfied.
MAGNETO WINS!
Tags: Clark Kent, DC Comics, Holocaust, Holocaust survivor, Jewish, Kal-El, Krypton, Lakers, Magneto, Marvel, mutant, Professor X, Shaq, Superman, wolverine, X-Men
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