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Never thought I’d see the day that people would eat vermin. Wow. That takes a huge pair of balls.
Posts Tagged ‘2009’
MONEY HONEYS AND PLAYBOY BUNNIES
Sunday, May 17th, 2009
This time around, I’m going with some of the up and coming stars in today’s world. Well, at least the one’s I thought I could manipulate into this column somehow due to my wildly ridiculous mind. But, I got some hot new names that are all over the place these days.
$$$MONEY$$$ - ZOE SALDANA
I have to put her here now that I’ve seen the newest Star Trek. Saw the flick yesterday and looooooved it. And, I can’t stand Star Trek! Never have, never will…unless, we’re talking about this new one. And, if we’re talking about the new Star Trek, it’s hard not to talk about Zoe Saldana, the actress playing the new Nyota Uhura. There is cute, there is hot, and then there is smoooooooooking hot! I wonder which category Ms. Saldana falls into. She’s Dominican, a New Jersey native and a good little actress as well. Not only is she gorgeous but she can live up to whatever role she’s playing. This, I dig. As in, I really dig this smoking hot and gorgeous chick named Zoe Saldana who is now officially my new crush. Stop Pop Culture is now officially following you and also officially one of your biggest fans. GO ZOE!
PORN HONEY – SASHA GREY
A Northern California girl, Sasha Grey is one of the most famous porn stars right now, straight out of Sacramento of all places. Saved up $7K to move to the lovely City of Angels to pursue acting and wound up becoming a porn queen instead. She’s apparently big on aggressive sex such as degrading sex acts like being slapped and hit during intercourse. Such a lovely girl, ain’t she? She’s also been featured in the Roots video, “Birthday Girl”, as well as Smashing Pumpkins music video “Superchrist”. Recently, she’s been testing her mettle in the acting world, appearing in some low budget films. In a Rolling Stone interview, she was quoted as saying to the women in the world “it’s okay to be a slut”. Sasha, how about you have your opinions and the rest of the women in the world have theirs? Celebrities say some silly things but this porn star saying something that ludicrous is just dumb as shit. Also, one other thing, it was really hard finding any good pictures of Ms. Grey where she wasn’t blowing some dude or taking it up the you know what. How many women would admire that about themselves? I’m curious.
PLAYBOY BUNNY – DASHA ASTAFIEVA
Dasha Astafieva, January 2009 Playmate of the Month, making the Playboy’s 55th Anniversary Playmate. This Ukrainian beauty is also part of the Ukrainian pop group, Nikita, showing that not only can she rock a hot body, she can rock a tune also. At least, that’s probably what she thinks. Me? I can’t see any Playmate of the Month rocking any kind of music unless it’s gorgeous Vanessa Williams who had a hell of a successful music career after she was stripped of her Miss America crown. Then again, that was Miss America, not a Playboy Playmate. Anyways, I guess you might start hearing more and more about her throughout this year since she’s apparently cutting in on The Girls Next Door‘s action and trying to win over Hugh Hefner. This is not sitting well with platinum blonde doll, Holly Madison. Yes, my anti-pop culture friends, you shall be hearing much more of this pathetic tale in the coming months.
AND THE WINNER IS…Sasha Grey is immediately out of the running in this battle due to that ignorant comment. Look, I understand you’re a super successful porn star and yeah, most of us watch porn however, telling young women out there that it’s “okay to be a slut” is just pathetic. So it comes down to Zoe Saldana and Hugh Hefner’s possible new squeeze, Dasha Astafieva. Is this really even a contest? Not in my eyes. Besides, Dasha is overrated to me. She’s not even one of the prettier Playmates I’ve seen. Zoe, on the other hand, is drop dead gorgeous and looks pretty classy too. She wins in looks and style!
ZOE SALDANA WINS!
*I will be going to the next Star Trek partly because of you, Zoe
APPLE MY ASSHOLE, APPLE
Friday, April 24th, 2009
It’s probably easy for most to say that Apple Inc is totally and completely 100% pop culture. Some would say it’s pop culture at its worst. However, since I am an absolute genius in the “pop culture” category, I must explain that Apple is not pop culture. Here, I’ll prove it: Look at the brilliance behind how their market their iPod.
Yep. That ain’t pop culture, my friends. Also, I’d like to note something: This week many big American companies have been reporting their earnings from the 1st quarter of 2009, a quarter that is predictably kicking the ever loving shit out of most corporate balance sheets. Yesterday it was Apple’s turns to report earnings. So what happens?
Apple Inc. reported a surprise gain in net income for its second fiscal quarter as sales of the company’s iPod and iPhone products came in ahead of expectations for the period.
You know how big that is in today’s economy? It’s HUGE! People hate on Apple a lot and for good reason: it’s got a self-obsessed following that really thinks Apple products are the greatest gadgets on earth.
Problem is, THEY’RE RIGHT! Hold your opinions, shitheads. Just remember something, regardless of whether you have a PC or not, Apple made PC its bitch. ‘Nuff said.
*Sometimes you’re just born to be a pimp. I envy this kid.
Compare those earnings yesterday with this little headline from Apple’s Public Enemy #1, Microsoft just after the market closed today:
Software giant’s profit falls sharply, as sales of computers loaded with its software dip and it absorbs charges for layoffs and investments. Company says it sees weakness continuing through ‘at least the next quarter.’
The thing to remember about where Apple sits in the pop culture discussion is this: Less than 10 years ago, it was only Microsoft and Dell. That was pretty much it. Apple had it’s Macintosh but it wasn’t even close to the level of the other two. These days, the other two aren’t even close to the level of Apple. Funny how things change, ain’t it? Back then, Apple wasn’t in the public’s eye so much. A little but not much. Microsoft and Dell were and everyone shunned Apple. Why? Because it wasn’t pop culture yet. Now, it is. The difference? It told pop culture to fuck off and created their own direction and blew everyone out of the water. Take that, pop culture.
Case closed. Apple rocks. PC sucks ass.
If you needed any more proof, I provide you with one more picture proving Apple’s brilliance.
STOP…PANICKING AND BUY!
Monday, March 23rd, 2009
Well, Friday marked the first two week stretch in the last year where the stock market put up gains rather than the atrocious and mind boggling losses constantly coming out week after week. So, at least for this one moment, let’s give a hand to the market for finally managing some positive gains…FINALLY!
However, let’s be honest: DO WE BELIEVE? Are we really supposed to think the market is on a comeback? Should we truly believe that the bears have been scared away and are plodding off to hibernation?
In short, probably not. Those bears will probably return and the bulls may not have the energy to fight them off yet again. However, don’t think the bears will last too much longer. 2009 could be their final hurrah before the bulls start kicking some ass and sending the bears back into hibernation for good.
That being said, we’re still sitting 200 points above 7000 and that isn’t great proof that the market has changed for the better. That the market had been down to the 6500 range says something about investors’ resiliency but it’s also says even more about their volatility. The question is who really started this volatile equity market that currently hovers over us in the form of a dark, almost black cloud dropping more and more rain with the occasional burst of sunshine?
The answer is who knows and who cares? Just tell yourself it’s the government and it will prevent you from trying to discover an answer that just doesn’t exits. At least the government is a good answer and one everyone can relate to, right? So stick with that one. Also, watch what the hell is going on around you.
Are their people still fighting through traffic inside your local Apple Store?
Still people in line at the McDonald’s drive-thru?
Are people still throwing them back (drinking beer for you squares)?
Are people still doing it (aka screwing, fucking, sexual intercourse for you squares)?
Are people still smoking like chimneys?
If you’re still seeing these things in your daily life then worry shouldn’t be too much of a concern. When every McDonald’s is gone, you can start to worry because chances are teh world will be falling into the ocean soon after that. But, until that apocalyptic day, start considering stocks of this nature to buy and hold for the future. After all, people are people. And don’t you ever forget that.
APPLE INC (AAPL)
iLike your iPod, iBaby. How about we iGo to my iPad and so I can show you my iMac and we can do our iThing like iPeople should be iDoing? Get it? I don’t either.
McDONALD’S (MCD)
I’m lovin’ it, you’re lovin’ it, everyone’s lovin’ it. Any questions?
DIAGEO (DEO)
Crown Royal. Guiness Stout. Smirnoff vodka. Johnnie Walker. Captain Morgan. Jose Cuervo. Bailey’s Original Irish Cream. Tanqueray gin. And money. Diageo owns lots and lots of money.
CHURCH & DWIGHT CO. (CHD)
Arm & Hammer. Orange Glo. Brillo. OxiClean.Orajel. Arrid (a home pregnancy test). And, of course, the celebrity of condoms, Trojan. People do a lot of screwing here in the states and people buy a lot of condoms. Trojan is a real warrior.
ALTRIA GROUP (MO)
Altria Group is Philip Morris and vice versa. Altria Group owns 100% of Philip Morris. That means Altria owns 100% of Philip and all of Philip’s shit. Smokers are still smoking. You figure it out.
STOP…WATCHING THIS CRAP
Thursday, March 19th, 2009
WATCHMEN (Warner Bros. 2009)
You know how you can really tell a movie sucks? Don’t pay any attention whatsoever to that big opening weekend box office number you sometimes see accompany big studio releases. What matters is the second weekend and the percentage the film drops in a full week due to word of mouth. If it’s a full 50% drop, the movie didn’t do so well with audiences and could lose a lot of money the longer it stays in theaters. Watchmen had a 67% drop in its second weekend indicating that not only general moviegoers weren’t too fond of the film but also devoted fans of the critically acclaimed graphic novel of the same name scribed by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons. Also, it’s important to know that Watchmen was released on an R-rated record number of screens, a whopping 3166 across America. That makes director Zack Snyder’s opening weekend of just over $55 million a little less impressive although I wouldn’t mind that kind of dough in my piggy bank. But a drop of 67% the second week is just not good. In fact, it’s downright terrible and at close to three hours, it’s hard to stick through something if it’s not moving your forward. I criticize this movie on its ultra aggressive marketing campaign and forced promotional tactics on all of us. I just want a good film, douche bags. That’s all I ever wanted. It’s also why I don’t pay money to see your dumb ass films anymore. Capisce?
WATCH THIS INSTEAD
THE CROW (Miramax Films 1994)
Want to see a dark and twisted super cool super hero flick? Get your ass on to Netflix and put this baby into your “que” or hit up the local Blockbuster. It’s worth it. Worth it like you can’t imagine. I’m not coining this as the greatest film of all time. No. But it’s one of the most different “comic hero” movies of all time. First of all, the entire film is shot in a gray and dreary but strangely beautiful way that pulls in the eye. The plot remains well in line with the original story, a graphic novel written by James O’Barr. Craziest thing about this movie: Brandon Lee, who plays the main character, Eric Draven, died on the set of the movie due to a horrible malfunction with a gun holding dummy bullets. He had passed with only a few days left of filming and thus every scene of the film is haunting and eerie and trippy and one hell of an adventure. Do you believe in ghosts? This, is beyond your imagination.
