*Every once in a while I let my mind unravel and go nuts. This is the direct result of this unexplainable phenomenon. Well, it’s explainable but I’d rather not explain. Anyways, I did a unique spin on some products I have come to respect.
Halo, I’m Halo. I’m a video game that allows you to play your friends and other gamers anywhere in the entire world! I’m really, really fun and even more addicting. Like crack, I can keep gamers in their houses 24/7, 365. In fact, some gamers lose their friends and family over their Halo addictions. I also look super cool with incredibly futuristic graphics that will BLOW YOUR MIND! I’m such a fetish for such a large amount of gamers that I’ll be around for years and years to come. In fact, when your grandchildren ask you to get them Halo 15 for Christmas, you’ll have a head’s up.
Halo, I’m iPhone! Just wanted to introduce myself as the most dominant gadget in the entire universe. Not only do I kick the crap out of all the other smartphones on a daily basis, I’m also growing more and more everyday! Hell, soon I’m going to be on the same level as Nintendo and Sony in the gaming console market because guess what people are starting to do a lot with their iPhones? That’s right! Gaming! Soon, I’m looking at taking over the world. Period.
Do I even need to mention my name? I’ve got something like a million television stations and movies and cartoons and merchandise and theme parks and all types of things. I mean, sometimes, honestly, I don’t even know half the stuff I own. There’s a chance I may even own you and your entire family! This brilliant guy named Walt Disney created me and now I’m to entertainment what the sky is to those meager little humans: ABOVE IT ALL.
Well, guys, I don’t do gadgets and I don’t do entertainment. My forte is food. Fast food to be exact. They call me The Golden Arch or Mickey D’s but you can just call me The Super because I own more real estate than anyone else on the planet! That’s right, McDonald’s is the name and kicking fast food ass is the game. Started in California and became an international juggernaut. Bow down and kiss my feet and don’t forget your Happy Meal on the way out.
Ain’t world domination fun, guys? I’ve been doing it for years just like Mickey Mouse but I’m so big, the world goes to war over my products and I’m the biggest fish in the pond. Yep, I’m the King of Black Gold and the American public will be pumping gas at my ExxonMobil stations all across the wonderful states. I’m the kind of the company that makes billions an hour! That’s not a typo. It’s so good to know I’ve got some friends to talk to now. You know what the best part is? We’ve already taken over the world!