Feeling horny?
GO BULLS!
Posts Tagged ‘bulls’
WHY YOU DON’T PLAY WITH BULLS
Saturday, May 23rd, 2009
Because they have large horns and weigh over a thousand pounds, dipshit.
GO BULLS!
STOP…PANICKING AND BUY
Sunday, March 29th, 2009
Rally on, Mr. Market, RALLY ON! Well, at least it was fun while it lasted. Three straight weeks of gains topped off with last Friday’s market losing 148 points or 1.87%. Not terrible since that damn thing kicked major ass last Monday, gaining 497 points or 6.8%. What’s that spell: V-O-L-A-T-I-L-E.
But does the three week gain mean anything? How much it means is up to the guys who have their big degrees and big paychecks to claim they know the answers. Unfortunately for those geniuses, they still don’t know shit. Analysts, researchers, economists are very smart people. Very, very smart. But they don’t know more than you, they don’t know more than me and they don’t know what they think they know about the market. They’re just a bunch of dudes who know a lot of numbers and can write a good report on them. In short, they’re smart asses.
*Another great picture. Whoever designed this is brilliant!
Statistically speaking, according to the majority of these experts, this recent bull rally is really just a “bear market rally”. So, going with that theory, this “bear market rally” should be ending very soon. Soon as in last Friday thus starting a brand new bear market tomorrow, on Monday. So, what’ll be? In honor of Saturday Night Live’s Super Fans, we must ask,
“Are we taking da Bears or are we takin’ da Bulls?”
Seems like an easy question these days. Everyone’s going nuts over what could be over 700,000 job cuts in the month of March when the jobs data gets released this Friday. If it’s worse than expected the Bears are attacking with machine guns. If it’s better than expected, the Bulls could hold their ground and reinforce their current attack with another missle rally upward. It could happen.
Point is, something completely one-sided will take effect. Either the bears kick ass or the bulls. Trust me, either way, it won’t be an even week. Might not even be two or three. Something’s happening right now, on a Sunday night, all around the world that none of us little investors know about. But it’s a’happenin’. It’s a mystery as to what it is but it involves money and lots of it to be precise.
Anyhow, bear or bull, war or not, there’s stocks out there worth a good look. However, there’s many that aren’t. Here are a few I’ve noticed that just look bad. In short, they suck.
Warner Music Group (WMG) 
It’s not WMG’s fault that music is officially dead from a corporate standpoint. If it was alive, Warner would be just fine. See, most artists got smart and are now taking the DIY (doing it yourself) directiont. Basically, artists have been completely cutting out the middleman (Warner, Universal, Sony) and making lots of dough doing it. Thank yourself, the artists and the Web for taking down the evil empire of Big Music. Great job, ya’ll.
Playboy Enterprises Inc (PLA) 
All guys have a special place in their heart for Hugh Hefner and Playboy but there may be a possibility that the once greatest adult entertainment company in the world could be done. Online porn has wiped out most of the big adult companies and will continue to do so unless the bigger companies can give the fans of that industry something worth their while that doesn’t cost $40. Charging that dough for DVD’s is ridiculous when the rest of the porn these people are watching online is free. Reconsider your business plan, Hugh.
Blockbuster Inc (BBI) 
I might have mentioned before that it seems everyone has put a Stopbuster to their Blockbuster. Remember when it was always a Blockbuster night? I would hit up Blockbuster myself every Saturday night for a movie until I realized my wallet was empty every time I left with a new movie. I started realizing the mom and pop shop down the street was giving you a day less for half the price so you know what I did. Then, Netflix came along and the rest is history.
STOP…PANICKING AND BUY!
Monday, March 23rd, 2009
Well, Friday marked the first two week stretch in the last year where the stock market put up gains rather than the atrocious and mind boggling losses constantly coming out week after week. So, at least for this one moment, let’s give a hand to the market for finally managing some positive gains…FINALLY!
However, let’s be honest: DO WE BELIEVE? Are we really supposed to think the market is on a comeback? Should we truly believe that the bears have been scared away and are plodding off to hibernation?
In short, probably not. Those bears will probably return and the bulls may not have the energy to fight them off yet again. However, don’t think the bears will last too much longer. 2009 could be their final hurrah before the bulls start kicking some ass and sending the bears back into hibernation for good.
That being said, we’re still sitting 200 points above 7000 and that isn’t great proof that the market has changed for the better. That the market had been down to the 6500 range says something about investors’ resiliency but it’s also says even more about their volatility. The question is who really started this volatile equity market that currently hovers over us in the form of a dark, almost black cloud dropping more and more rain with the occasional burst of sunshine?
The answer is who knows and who cares? Just tell yourself it’s the government and it will prevent you from trying to discover an answer that just doesn’t exits. At least the government is a good answer and one everyone can relate to, right? So stick with that one. Also, watch what the hell is going on around you.
Are their people still fighting through traffic inside your local Apple Store?
Still people in line at the McDonald’s drive-thru?
Are people still throwing them back (drinking beer for you squares)?
Are people still doing it (aka screwing, fucking, sexual intercourse for you squares)?
Are people still smoking like chimneys?
If you’re still seeing these things in your daily life then worry shouldn’t be too much of a concern. When every McDonald’s is gone, you can start to worry because chances are teh world will be falling into the ocean soon after that. But, until that apocalyptic day, start considering stocks of this nature to buy and hold for the future. After all, people are people. And don’t you ever forget that.
APPLE INC (AAPL)
iLike your iPod, iBaby. How about we iGo to my iPad and so I can show you my iMac and we can do our iThing like iPeople should be iDoing? Get it? I don’t either.
McDONALD’S (MCD)
I’m lovin’ it, you’re lovin’ it, everyone’s lovin’ it. Any questions?
DIAGEO (DEO)
Crown Royal. Guiness Stout. Smirnoff vodka. Johnnie Walker. Captain Morgan. Jose Cuervo. Bailey’s Original Irish Cream. Tanqueray gin. And money. Diageo owns lots and lots of money.
CHURCH & DWIGHT CO. (CHD)
Arm & Hammer. Orange Glo. Brillo. OxiClean.Orajel. Arrid (a home pregnancy test). And, of course, the celebrity of condoms, Trojan. People do a lot of screwing here in the states and people buy a lot of condoms. Trojan is a real warrior.
ALTRIA GROUP (MO)
Altria Group is Philip Morris and vice versa. Altria Group owns 100% of Philip Morris. That means Altria owns 100% of Philip and all of Philip’s shit. Smokers are still smoking. You figure it out.
