Hello, my good friends! How many of you would like to tell a few people you know or have met to kiss your ass or merely just want to tell them to go fuck themselves?
I’ve got a list of 5 that can KISS MY ASS & GO FUCK THEMSELVES.
1. The GOP
The Grand Old Party is filled with a bunch of hypocritical assholes in suits who think their shit doesn’t stink. Guess what, assholes, IT STINKS! For every Democrat you seem to accuse of this or that, two or three of your GOP members commit the same act or worse. Look, I don’t give a shit if you’re Republican but I do feel sorry for you because your party looks like a freshman’s dorm room: messy, smelly and nobody knows where the hell anything is.
2. Twilight (The Movie, the 2nd movie and whatever comes after it)
First of all, that Robert Pattinson douche bag that all the girls are fawning over is nasty looking, super pale and well, looks like a god damn vampire. Also, who gives a shit if he’s dating Kristin Stewart or some other chick. He’s a damn vampire, get some garlic, a cross and some holy water and get him the hell away from us. Want to see cool teenaged vampires? Go rent Lost Boys.
3. Swine flu
Fuck off, swine flu! I’m sick of hearing about it, sick of the so-called “pandemic” and sick of people frantically running around like chickens screaming “swine flu!”. For someone that’s a hypochondriac (me, big time), even I know this has gotten out of hand. Get a hold of yourselves and oink, oink, bitches!
4. Harvey Levin & TMZ
Harvey, you’re an asshole, a tool, a jerk-off and a douche bag all rolled into one (yes, this actually is possible) giant ball of steaming, hypocritical horseshit. Your dickhead paparazzi harass and stalk celebrities all day long and when a celebrity doesn’t want a part of it, you bad mouth them like a bitchy, immature high school girl. I can’t wait till one of them smacks you in the mouth. If I get famous, be warned I will attack and won’t mind taking a little jail time for it either.
5. Spam Hunters
You’ve got pedophiles, perverts, low-lives, malcontents and, of course, spam hunters. These losers actually spend their free time finding spammers and reporting them! Wow, what a fun job! Even better, these shitheels actually think they’re cool and spend their miserable lives trolling the internet for people (spammers, or so they think) to talk shit to because they’d never do that to anyone’s face. Remember, spam hunters are also the same ass-hats that really believe they have a shot at banging Lara Croft, the Tomb Raider.