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Friday, June 5th, 2009
More things that make you stop and just look. You may also be prompted to say things like “Holy shit!” or “wow”.
Alien? Monster? Alligator snapping turtle. United States animal resident.
Ah, it’s just a giant insect on a stick. Where’s the hot sauce?
Anyone want to ring this doorbell?
The dog pimp.
Why terrorists scare me.
Why Paris Hilton scares me.
Bikes vs car. Car wins.
Some people have no lives and no brains.
Monday, May 25th, 2009
These people live amongst us. Yes, yes, I know. Holy shit, indeed.
Sometimes you really don’t need to say much. This is one of those times. Wow.
Looks like a house cat exploded on her head.
It would not surprise me if Ms. Watermelon was single.
I mean, seriously, dude? Do I look at you or knock the fucking door?
*They have these things called razors at the market. Aisle 13, I think.
*Got the hots for her? Get in line.
Thursday, May 14th, 2009
This is a continuation of STOP…AND LOOK AT THAT. I think I’ll just keep bouncing back and forth between titles to have fun with it. Why the hell not? Anyways, some big time WTF’s in this post. Check it out.
*Dude, that can’t be healthy.
*Another reason I don’t go in the ocean.
*Sexy, ain’t it?
*Hey, are you related to George W. Bush? Same ears.
*Weren’t you in Hellraiser?
*So, did you hit the pole or did the pole hit you?
*It looks like one of the Muppets exploded.
“U-G-L-Y and you ain’t got no alibi. You ugly (hey, hey). You ugly.”
*You have too much damn time on your hands, dude.
*A picture is worth a thousand words. HOLY SHIT!
Wednesday, March 25th, 2009
HIS NAME: LOUIS REARD
WE KNOW HIM AS: THE MAN WHO INVENTED THE BIKINI
French engineer Louis Reard invented the modern day bikini and I think we all have to thank him for making our beaches, swimming pools and lifeguards that much better and HOTTER. It’s funny, the bikini shocked the country of France when it appeared on French beaches back in 1947. Funnier still is that the bikini was originally a Greco-Roman invention, further cementing the Romans as having a thing for showing their legs, including (unfortunately for all of us) the men. Now for the best fact about bikinis you didn’t know: Mr. Reard named the bikini after a nuclear weapons testing site in the Pacific called Bikini Atoll. Now, that’s pretty cool. Hail Louis Reard!!!
*God bless America!!!
*Hello, nice to meet you. And you. And you. And you. And…I think you get it.
*The new “I Love Lucy”
*Great things come in threes, and in pairs!
*That’s Miss Keeley Hazel to you, boys.
*Ass, ass, ASS!
*Denise Milani. Go google her name.
*Beyonce. You don’t have to google her name. YUMMY!
“Oh, Kim, you’re so fine. Holy shit, you blow my mind.” -The Kim Kardashian version of “Mickey”.
Monday, March 9th, 2009
BATTLE OF THE BEASTS: TIGER SHARK VS GREAT WHITE SHARK
I’ve been waiting on this one since Battle of the Beasts began. I also feel these are just going to keep getting better.
TIGER SHARK (Galeocerdo cuvier)
SIZE: 11-14 FT 850-2000LB
This ain’t your father’s tiger. Coined “the wastebasket of the sea”, the tiger shark will eat, well, anything that looks appetizing which is really just about anything from license plates to bicycle tires. Normally, however, it dines on turtles, seals, smaller sharks, fish, birds, squid and dolphins. Yes, this fish finds Echo the Dolphin quite tasty.
As you can by the stripes on its body that’s where the tiger shark gets its name. It’s also one of the five most dangerous sharks to humans along with the bull, oceanic whitetip, mako and great white. I chose the tiger because it’s the second largest of the man eaters behind the famous great white. By the way, the reason the tiger shark is so dangerous to humans is its extremely aggressive nature connected with the fact that it frequents really populated waters, Hawaii in particular.
DON’T GO FOR A SWIM IN HAWAII!!!
The tiger sharks family members are the lemon, blue and bull sharks, the bull being the only only member of the family that likes to attack us without much remorse. Most of this has to do with the fact that both members of the family like to swim in shallow water.
DON’T SWIM IN SHALLOW WATER EITHER
Here’s a pretty shocking piece of news I read online: largest tiger shark ever caught on record was 23 feet long and over 3000 pounds. Holy shit.
*this man can never be called a wuss ever again
GREAT WHITE SHARK (Carcharodon carcharias)
SIZE: 13-16 FT 1500-2500LB
Remember that part in Pulp Fiction at the end where Jules (Samuel L. Jackson) has a gun on Tim Roth underneath the table and tells him to get out the wallet that has “BAD MOTHERFUCKER” on it? That wallet belongs to this shark.
Known the world over as the most dangerous shark, what’s more important is that it actually is the most dangerous, most deadly shark to prowl the planet’s waters. But, unlike the tiger shark, the great white is all alone. Why? Because it is the last remaining species left in its genus, Carcharodon. Though it may be a loner in genus, it’s got a few family members to look to in case it ever gets lonely in the mako sharks, salmon shark and a European shark called the porbeagle, a rare shark close to extinction.
It’s no surprise that Mr. White doesn’t fool a round when it comes to his waters. Trespass and you may not live. Either way, you’re bound to get bit, whether it’s just your leg that gets taken or your whole life. Scary part about great whites is they’re one of the few sharks that have been discovered all over the world. So don’t think you’re safe. ANYWHERE.
WHO WINS?
THE SAGE SAYS…After circling each other for a few minutes, the tiger shark launches into an aggressive attack mode but the heavier great white shoves him off and descends to the bottom of the ocean where he returns only a few seconds later with a fatal blow from below, its body forming a torpedo with hundreds of teeth that undoes the tiger shark once and for all.
GREAT WHITE SHARK WINS!
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