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Posts Tagged ‘Money’

MONEY, HONEYS & PLAYBOY BUNNIES

Thursday, April 2nd, 2009

Okay, it was only going to happen sooner or later that I moved on to the beautiful, trashy and sexy black women in the world, especially ones that could fall under the money, honeys and Playboy bunnies category. Here goes nothing.

$$$MONEY&&&: LISA WU-HARTWELL

And who can love you like me (nobody)
Who can sex you like me (nobody)
Who can lay your body down (nobody)
Nobody, baby (nobody) – Nobody – Keith Sweat

Real Housewives of Atlanta’s very own Lisa Wu-Hartwell probably wouldn’t be too stoked about me posting those lyrics from her ex-husband, Keith Sweat. Then again, do I care? I do not. Now, she’s married to Edgerton Hartwell, a NFL linebacker that was good with the Baltimore Ravens but now can’t find a team to take him. Her little motto is “If it doesn’t make me money, I won’t do it” and that explains her three businesses as well as her bankruptcy in 2007. Interesting. Anyways, there you have it. If you even cared.

HONEY: DOMONIQUE SIMONE

Domonique (that’s the spelling, folks) has had a rough life, like most porn stars. Domonique also has tremendously large tits because of tremendously large breast implants, like most porn stars. She’s given it her all for over 200 films and, unfortunately, is starting to look like she has.

ida-ljundquist

PLAYBOY BUNNY: IDA LJUNGQVIST

Don’t bother with the last name since it’s a real son of a bitch to pronounce on first look so I’m calling her Ida Issa since when I first looked at her pic all I said was “Ida is a beautiful thang!”. See, Ida Issa Swedish/Tanzanian hybrid, her daddy from the Alps and her mother from Africa. Ida Issa only playmate that was born in Africa as a matter of fact. You know, sometimes you just have to sit back and enjoy the view. Which reminds me: Is there a race of people out there called Gorgeous? I think there might be. Th has to be.

AND THE WINNER IS…IDA ISSA WINNER!

Was there really any question here? Miss Wu-Hartwell can’t figure out whether she likes money or spending money, the other looks way beyond her best porn years and the last is as pretty a woman as earth could provide mankind.

Tags: Africa, beautiful, breast implants, Domonique Simone, Edgerton Hartwell, fake tits, folks, gorgeous, hybrid, Ida Ljungqvist, Kieth Sweat, large, linebacker, Lisa Wu-Hartley, Money, NFL, pic, Playboy, Playboy bunny, playmate of the month, porn stars, Real Housewives of Atlanta, Sweden, Swedish, Tanzania, Tanzanian
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$MONEY$, HONEYS AND PLAYBOY BUNNIES

Tuesday, March 24th, 2009

This one’s for my El Salvadorian buddies back at my old job. I just wanted to make them proud and promise to do as I told them: “Write sumthin’ bout the fine chicas, ese”. ‘Nuff said, fellas.

$$$MONEY$$$ – JENNIFER LOPEZ

Jennifer Lopez. J-Lo on the street and with the kids and on MTV and all the other silly shit. Known to do whatever it takes to get to the top, including screwing anyone over who dares to stand in her way. Married some dancer once, divorced him because he probably wasn’t pulling in much loot. Tries to marry Ben Affleck until one of them realized how big the other’s ego was (or they both realized this) and broke it off but was able to hook up with latin pop singer Marc Anthony (what kind of Latin name is that?!) who she’s currently still with although there’s always reported problems in the marriage. Finally got pregnant with twins so her blood can continue torturing the people around her for years to come. That’s Jennifer Lopez. Or J-Lo. Or who gives a shit?

HONEY: VANESSA DEL RIO

Vanessa Del Rio was one of the first big porn stars, albeit a Hispanic porn star as well. She’s appeared in over 100 porno films and is still recognized as one of the greats among porn insiders today. Also, Vanessa has done her share of work in front of the camera in the public eye as well, playing herself in many music videos and appearing in shows such as NYPD Blue. Anyways, apparently she’s someone special in the porn industry.

PLAYBOY BUNNY: MARIA CHECA

Maria Checa was a gorgeous, Columbian model and actress who landed in Florida with her parents when she was young. She accomplished many things as a young woman, one being an artist attending the Maryland Institute College of Art. Of course, Miss Checa then went on to become playmate of the month in August 1994, turning her future into what appeared to be destiny. But poor Maria unfortunately got caught with the wrong honcho and her boyfriend helped get her in trouble for insider trading. Sad story, eh?

AND THE WINNER IS….

Jennifer Lopez. J-Lo. This was a tough one for me. However, Maria Checa looks a tad skinny and I don’t like her taste in men. Vanessa Del Rio just ain’t my type and seems, well, a little used. Also, she’s 57! J-Lo, by default, but also due to extraordinary hotness when she was younger, takes the victory this round.

Tags: Ben Affleck, blood, boyfriend, buddies, chicas, Columbia, Columbian, dancer, default, El Salvador, El Salvadorian, ese, Florida, honcho, Honeys, insider trading, J-Lo, Jennifer Lopez, latin, Marc Anthony, Maria, Maryland, Maryland Institute College of Art, Money, music videos, my type, NYPD Blue, old job, Playboy, Playboy Bunnies, playmate of the month, poor, pop singer, porn industry, porn star, singer, SKINNY, taste in men, twins, unfortunately, write something
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STOP…BUYING THIS STUFF

Thursday, March 19th, 2009

mercedes-benz_m_class_2009ml500

GOT ME A FAMILY SO I NEED ME A NICE SUV

Or maybe you don’t need a nice SUV. Hell, you probably don’t need an SUV at all, especially since they’re the premier gas guzzlers burning rubber on our American roads. Even worse, the American made SUV’s are considered the bottom of the barrel along with, yep, you guessed it, the Mercedes-Benz M Class. Also included in the outlandishly annoying SUV group, the Lincoln Navigator (which breaks my heart since I’ve always loved Lincolns), GMC Envoy and the Jeep Grand Cherokee. Watching families who can’t really afford the Mercedes M Class, however, takes the cake since a current model of one of these bad boys is going to start you at $43K and could take you up to a measley $90K with accessories. Either way, it’s a pretty simple solution: YOU DON’T NEED AN SUV IF YOU AREN’T OUT IN THE COUNTRY.

meat-section

GOTTA HAVE SOME MEAT ON THOSE BONES

Get that meat, baby! Just make sure you’re getting the right meat and make sure it’s at the right place. Most people eat meat, unless you’re a vegetarian loser that wants to shove that vegan bullshit in our face. Don’t mind vegetarians and I don’t mind vegans but I do mind you throwing that pretentious philosophy in my grill. Don’t do it and I won’t have to smack you across your grill with a big, fat steak. Point is, I see people, mothers, fathers, families, whatever, buying up meat all the time at my local market. What kills me is they’re buying the meat they want out of pure convenience. When it’s not on sale, how can anyone pay full price for meat whether it’s beef, pork, chicken or fish? Even funnier still is how people don’t head a few miles to the east or west where another market may have that same meat you wanted at anywhere from 25-75% off. There are INCREDIBLE sales at supermarkets EVERY WEEK, you just have to look a little. But that “looking a little” could save you something they call MONEY. LOTS AND LOTS OF MONEY!!!

ivy-league

SHIPPING OUR BABY ACROSS THE COUNTRY FOR COLLEGE

And maybe your baby’s on their way back so they can enroll at the local community or state college instead. Unfortunately for private colleges, online universities and community colleges are kicking the ever loving shit out of them for tuition. Parents are much less hesitant these days about shipping Johnny back east where the room, board, tuition and books is priced for the moon. Remember when you were at the toy store and wanted that REALLY REALLY EXPENSIVE toy and your parents would just give you that “are you f-ing crazy” look? Well, parents are doing that today as well only this time it’s private colleges and not toys. Either way, parents doing this are thinking right, parents who think there’s nothing better than to be able to brag that you went to ”Princeton or Yale” are losing their money. Also, while private colleges can be marvelous, state colleges can be as well.

Tags: 25%, 50%, 75%, American made, back east, beef, bottom of the barrel, cheap, cheaper, chicken, community college, Expensive, few miles, fish, General Motors, GMC, GMC Envoy, Ivy League, Jeep Grand Cherokee, Lincoln Navigator, M Class, market, meat section, Mercedes Benz, Money, on sale, pork, Princeton, private colleges, room and board, state college, STOP, STOP POP CULTURE, supermarket, SUV, tuition, Yale
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STOP…WATCHING THIS CRAP

Thursday, March 19th, 2009

watchmen-movie

WATCHMEN (Warner Bros. 2009)

You know how you can really tell a movie sucks? Don’t pay any attention whatsoever to that big opening weekend box office number you sometimes see accompany big studio releases. What matters is the second weekend and the percentage the film drops in a full week due to word of mouth. If it’s a full 50% drop, the movie didn’t do so well with audiences and could lose a lot of money the longer it stays in theaters. Watchmen had a 67% drop in its second weekend indicating that not only general moviegoers weren’t too fond of the film but also devoted fans of the critically acclaimed graphic novel of the same name scribed by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons. Also, it’s important to know that Watchmen was released on an R-rated record number of screens, a whopping 3166 across America. That makes director Zack Snyder’s opening weekend of just over $55 million a little less impressive although I wouldn’t mind that kind of dough in my piggy bank. But a drop of 67% the second week is just not good. In fact, it’s downright terrible and at close to three hours, it’s hard to stick through something if it’s not moving your forward. I criticize this movie on its ultra aggressive marketing campaign and forced promotional tactics on all of us. I just want a good film, douche bags. That’s all I ever wanted. It’s also why I don’t pay money to see your dumb ass films anymore. Capisce?

WATCH THIS INSTEAD

THE CROW (Miramax Films 1994)

Want to see a dark and twisted super cool super hero flick? Get your ass on to Netflix and put this baby into your “que” or hit up the local Blockbuster. It’s worth it. Worth it like you can’t imagine. I’m not coining this as the greatest film of all time. No. But it’s one of the most different “comic hero” movies of all time. First of all, the entire film is shot in a gray and dreary but strangely beautiful way that pulls in the eye. The plot remains well in line with the original story, a graphic novel written by James O’Barr. Craziest thing about this movie: Brandon Lee, who plays the main character, Eric Draven, died on the set of the movie due to a horrible malfunction with a gun holding dummy bullets. He had passed with only a few days left of filming and thus every scene of the film is haunting and eerie and trippy and one hell of an adventure. Do you believe in ghosts? This, is beyond your imagination.

Tags: 1994, 2009, adventure, ass, big studio, Blockbuster, box office, Brandon Lee, craziest, critically acclaimed, died, eerie, film, filming, ghosts, graphic novel, gun, haunting, horrible, imagination, imagine, James O'Barr, malfunction, marketing campaign, Miramax Films, Money, movie, moviegoers, Netflix, opening weekend, percentage, suck, The Crow, trippy, Warner Bros., Watchmen, written by
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STOP…BUYING THIS STUFF

Friday, March 13th, 2009

More useless things from our wild consumer spending.

ugg-chick

OMIGOD! UGGS ARE THE MOST COMFORTABLE THING IN THE WORLD!!!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ugg schmug. I got female friends who will probably stab me after they read this because they’re so IN LOVE with their Uggs footwear that sometimes it seems that’s the only thing they’re wearing these days. Well, if that were the case, maybe I’d be a little more in to them being that a bunch of naked women trouncing around in nothing but Uggs wouldn’t be such a bad idea. However, at $120 a pair, don’t think these things aren’t going up on this list since I believe a heavy pair of socks does the trick for ten times less dough. Point is, you ain’t getting a sliver of sympathy from me if you’re complaining about money and have a pair of Uggs. Also, all dudes out there with a pairs of Uggs: THROW THEM OUT AND GET MANLY. Yeah, you read that right. Throw them out, pussy.

11284369

IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT AND THAT MEANS BAR-HOPPING!

And bar hopping means spending a lot of money! Drinks are rarely below $7 once tip is accounted for so if you’re planning on getting drunk, and most of you are, depending on how well you hold your liquor, you could be up to your neck in booze and bar tabs. Yes, I understand you’re a dude and you have to hit up all the cool bars to see what kind of hot chicks may be out prowling the night for you but, get a clue, homeboy, they ain’t prowling for you, they’re prowling for a guy who’s going to buy their drinks for them. It’s exactly why bar hopping for chicks can be a LOT different than bar hopping for guys. Either way, I think bar hopping is for pretentious people with nothing better to do than to spend hours dolling themselves up to look completely different than they really look just to attract another person that looks completely different than they really do and maybe “hook up”, a term that I absolutely can’t fucking stand to hear. “Hook up” with a tax guy and learn how to spend your money wisely, morons. “Hook up”. Sheesh.

beverly hills sign

WE GOTTA LIVE IN BEV HILLS OR MANHATTAN OR…

Live where you want, silly-shit, but it’s all the same when the neighborhood doesn’t fit you and, more likely, you don’t fit the neighborhood. I’ve lived in Los Angeles for most of my life so I’m used to this pretentious thinking to make those around you (fake friends, really) think you’re much bigger and more special than you really are. It goes in line with the same douche bags who live in apartments but drive $35-50K cares just for show. In fact, head over to the Hollywood area if you want to see where L.A.’s actors and actresses overspend their money. However, having been to more cities than just Los Angeles, I’ve noticed this disturbing trend across the states because I know it is a “thing” to be living in Manhattan if you’re in New York and I’m sure there are ritzy areas in every major city in America where people tend to stretch their limits way too far and wind up biting themselves in the ass.

LIVE WHERE YOU CAN AFFORD TO LIVE NOT WHERE YOU WANT TO LIVE

Tags: $120, America, bar hopping, bar tab, Beverly Hills, boots, booze, broads, chick, dolled up, dough, drinks, Dude, footwear, Girls, Hollywood, homeboy, hook up, ladies, Los Angeles, major city, Manhattan, Money, naked women, New York, omigod, prowling the night, pussy, ritzy, Saturday night, STOP POP CULTURE, sympahty, tip, trick, Ugg, Uggs, warm socks, wisely, women
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STOP…BUYING THIS STUFF

Friday, March 6th, 2009

Here to help you out with more things we buy that we don’t need that just empty our wallets.

blockbuster-night

MAKE IT A BLOCKBUSTER NIGHT

Blockbuster got Blockbusted. I ain’t making it a Blockbuster Night ever again. At $4.50 just to rent one new movie, it’s no surprise a lot of people, including tons of families, traded in their Blockbuster Nights for their Netflix que. It’s a better deal and you don’t even have to move from your. You do have to lift you fingers a bit in order to use the mouse but if you’re that lazy to complain about that, you’ve got some problems you need to work out. Also, telling me I get to keep the movie for four nights is pointless. What the hell do I need the movie four nights for? I pop it in that night and watch it and I’m done. That’s about 24 hours altogether and you’re selling me on four nights? Sheesh.

fitted

I’M A PLAYER SO I GOT TO HAVE MY HAT TO THE SIDE

“Gee, Ma, if all those cool, flashy rappers have those nice looking caps tilted to the side, why can’t I?” Well, because, not only are those rappers flossing and fronting and trying to be WAY cooler than they actually are, those rappers are also getting paid major cheddar, chips, scrilla, papers, money or whatever else they may be calling it these days. I just checked out www.lidz.com, one of the largest selling hat chains in the U.S. Checked out some of the Lakers hats and the old school Los Angeles Lakers hat with the light blue Minneapolis Lakers writing style was going for a measly $31.99. Yeah, I definitely did a double take there too. Back in 1993, these kinds of hats were all of $11 and still fit nice and still looked good. Oh, and we didn’t have them leaning off the side of our heads like a bunch of circus retards. And it always strikes me how people like that call handicapped people retards when in fact, maybe they should look in the mirror and reconsider the way they wear their hats. You chumps are just silly. Simply silly.

whole-foods

I HAVE TO BE ORGANIC, RIGHT?

Well, organic is better but you know who shops at Whole Foods? RICH PEOPLE!!! Sure, organic is fun and healthy and, well, organic but damn, it comes with a price. A BIG price. Just so you know, you can get organic at Trader Joe’s for much MUCH cheaper. Whole Foods sells their stuff high because of branding. People see Whole Foods and they think automatically it’s a better and healthier product. Not true. A bag of chips at Whole Foods can be $3-4. That same bag at Trader Joes: $1.80-3. To me, that’s a big difference. If you don’t notice that difference, you’re a fool. Or you have a lot of money. Either way, you’re still a fool for not shopping wisely.

Tags: $4.50, bag of chips, baseball caps, Blockbuster, Blockbuster night, DVD, flashy, hats, Money, Netflix, one night rental, player, rappers, rent a DVD, rich people, Trader Joe's, Whole Foods
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MONEY, HONEYS AND PLAYBOY BUNNIES

Friday, March 6th, 2009

For some reason, this week, I wanted to make the MONEY part of this segment someone from the political world being that politics in such a focal point of our country right now. Don’t be angry at me.

$$$MONEY$$$

*even though Daddy lost, Daddy’s little girl is pretty cute

MEGHAN McCAIN (JOHN’S DAUGHTER)

You all know I’m a Democrat but you also all know I’m not predjudice to Republicans, especially when they’re hot. Anyways, scouring around, I come across this article on cnn.com written by Meghan about how Daddy’s campaign killed her love life. Apparently, she’s single. Apparently, she knows a bunch of douchey guys with no sacks because if they’re letting a cutie like Meghan slide by, they may just be women dressed as men. Trannies, possibly. You just never know.

HONEY

STORMY DANIELS (SENATOR PORN STAR?)

Stormy as you might know is a porn star. You may have heard her name during election time because her name was thrown around to campaign against a Republican Senator from Louisiana in 2010. Seems that every few years a porn star puts on some clothes and claims to be a politician. Certainly would be interesting having a former porn star as a Senator though. Especially if we could hear them discuss safe sex and teen pregnancy. That’d be awesome! And entertaining.

PLAYBOY BUNNY

INDIA ALLEN (1988 PLAYMATE OF THE YEAR)

Self described “die-hard Republican”, India Allen was 1988′s Playmate of the Year. Maybe Hugh Hefner and his staff lost their eye sight in 1987 and couldn’t see the 1988 playmates of the month very well. Either way, I’d like to know where a white girl like this gets name like India from. There’s certainly nothing saying “India” about her. Also, it turned me off to know that she “loves” cigars. This is probably sexist but the ladies shouldn’t “love” cigars. That’s just nasty.

AND THE WINNER IS…I’m not feeling the Playmate since she’s a die-hard Republican and loves cigars. Stormy Daniels is a porn star possibly running for Senate but she’s a little too t”bleached” for me if you know what I mean. I’m also not huge on redheads who want to be blondes. Meghan is cute and seems sweet even though she’s got that problem with her Daddy being John McCain and all. But MEGHAN McCAIN takes this one.

Tags: 1988, 2010, blond, cigars, cute, Daddy, fans, GOP, honey, Hugh Hefner, India, India Allen, John McCain, Louisiana, Meghan McCain, Money, Playboy, Playboy Bunnies, Playmate of the Year, porn star, Republican, Republican Party, Senate, Stormy Daniels
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STOP…SAYING THAT!!!

Friday, February 27th, 2009

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: BOBBY JINDAL

WHO LISTENED TO MR. PRESIDENT’S SPEECH?

I imagine all of you raised your hands since his speech sent television ratings through the roof. Even better, his delivery of an enthused rhetoric was not only inspired, but determined as well. The GOP got all pissy as they usually do because it lacked “specifics” and blah blah this and blah blah that.

As entertained as moved as I was by the President’s speech, Republican Governor of Louisiana, Bobby Jindal provided just as much fun afterwards with his silly and contradictory reply to Obama’s address to the nation.

Bobby and other Republican governors in the south are refusing some money from the stimulus, money that would go to state unemployment benefits. Yes, they’re turning away money. Hold on, there’s more.

jindal2

*doesn’t he look a little too sickly to you?

“The [Republican] party lost its discipline when it came to spending. It began to defend practices we used to say were wrong when other people did them, like corruption and earmarks.” - Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal

STOP SAYING THAT!!!

Do we give this asshole an ovation for this or do we smack him across the grill? Remember this: the main Republican complaint about the stimulus package is that it’s viewed as a “spending” package. Yet, here’s their GOP representative blaming his own party for spending. Also, something else to consider:

ISN’T THE WHOLE POINT TO SPEND MONEY?!

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Tags: Barack Obama, Bobby Jindal, Louisiana Governor, Money, Mr. President, Obama, President Obama, Republicans, the President, The President of the United States
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MONEY, HONEYS AND PLAYBOY BUNNIES

Thursday, February 26th, 2009

I thought it might do us all some good to compare a few brunettes in this category. Let’s take a look, shall we?

$MONEY$

LAUREN CONRAD

The main star of MTV’s The Hills, Lauren Conrad is just another hot rich girl who was a friend of a friend whose father has a lot of connections or something along those lines. The show is about nothing and I don’t care to elaborate because that would be giving the show and its characters a little too much credit. I think many of you feel me on this. However, I don’t lie, and Miss Conrad is a beautiful girl but how does she match up against some of our other contestants?

HONEY

ASIA CARRERA

Asia Carrera was a world famous porn star for about 10 years from 1993-2003. Now, if you can get over the fact that she’s hot and obviously a freak, I’ll let you in on something interesting: Asia Carrera has an IQ over 150! Yep. Bet Lauren Conrad can’t claim anything of that nature. On the contrary, Conrad wasn’t getting banged on camera all the time either so that’s in her favor by most people’s standards. Either way, she’s one of the most popular porn stars of all time.

PLAYBOY BUNNY

CARMELLA DECESARE

WE HAVE A WINNER!!!

Anybody who disagrees with me needs to see a psychiatrist.

Until next week, so long.

Tags: 10 years, 1993, 2003, Asia Carrera, Carmella Decesare, freak, Honeys, Hot, Lauren Conrad, Money, next week, Playboy Bunnies, porn star, psychiatrist, rich girl, The Hills, winner
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$MONEY$, HONEYS & PLAYBOY BUNNIES

Thursday, February 12th, 2009

*a fun little section with hot women but here’s the catch: money is a rich lady (think Orange County Housewives), porn honeys are porn stars, and Playboy Bunnies are well, Playboy Bunnies. Lay ‘em out and let you decide who’s the hottest. And it rhymes too!

For Round 1, I decided to keep all the pretty ladies blonde for the sake of a fair argument so throw me a friggin’ bone if you have any arguments.

So, in honor of our money, porn honeys and Playboy Bunnies, a list…

ROUND 1…FIGHT!

THE $$$MONEY$$$

orange-county-housewife

ORANGE COUNTY HOUSEWIFE

The Orange County Housewife’s got a lot of dough at her disposal plus a sugar daddy pulling in the big bucks, making life way easier on her the other two blondes, who work for their cash.

THE PORN HONEY

jenna-jameson

JENNA JAMESON

Jenna Jameson is probably working harder for her cash than any of the other two although many may not agree with Mrs. Jameson’s line of work in the adult entertainment business otherwise known as porn otherwise known as getting banged on camera and other REALLY DIRTY THINGS on camera for a LOT OF MONEY. But, Mrs. Jameson is very hot. Very, very hot.

THE PLAYBOY BUNNY

kendra-wilkinson

KENDRA WILKINSON (The Girls Next Door)

Everybody in America seems to have fallen in love with The Girls Next Door, especially Kendra Wilkinson. She’s young, hot, has REALLY big knockers and a charm that seems to throw every dude off his feet. But not me. Nope. I tend to lean toward Holly more. But I’m not big into blondes anyhow.

So, who wins the first round?

CONSENSUS SAYS….JENNA JAMESON!!!

Jenna scores a perfect 10 because while she clearly is as pretty as the other two on the list, her “skills”, shall we say put her over the top here.

Tags: adult entertainment, big knockers, blondes, charm, Consensus Says, dirty things, Jenna Jameson', Kendra Wilkinson, Money, Orange County Housewife, Orange County Housewives, over the top, perfect 10, Playboy Bunnies, PORN, Porn Honeys, pretty ladies, Round 1, sugar daddy, The Girls Next Door, very hot, young
Posted in CULTURE | 11 Comments »

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Posts Tagged ‘Money’

MONEY, HONEYS & PLAYBOY BUNNIES

$MONEY$, HONEYS AND PLAYBOY BUNNIES

STOP…BUYING THIS STUFF

STOP…WATCHING THIS CRAP

STOP…BUYING THIS STUFF

STOP…BUYING THIS STUFF

MONEY, HONEYS AND PLAYBOY BUNNIES

STOP…SAYING THAT!!!

MONEY, HONEYS AND PLAYBOY BUNNIES

$MONEY$, HONEYS & PLAYBOY BUNNIES

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