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STOP…PANICKING AND BUY

Sunday, March 29th, 2009

Rally on, Mr. Market, RALLY ON! Well, at least it was fun while it lasted. Three straight weeks of gains topped off with last Friday’s market losing 148 points or 1.87%. Not terrible since that damn thing kicked major ass last Monday, gaining 497 points or 6.8%. What’s that spell: V-O-L-A-T-I-L-E.

volatile-stock-chart1

But does the three week gain mean anything? How much it means is up to the guys who have their big degrees and big paychecks to claim they know the answers. Unfortunately for those geniuses, they still don’t know shit. Analysts, researchers, economists are very smart people. Very, very smart. But they don’t know more than you, they don’t know more than me and they don’t know what they think they know about the market. They’re just a bunch of dudes who know a lot of numbers and can write a good report on them. In short, they’re smart asses. 

smart-ass

*Another great picture. Whoever designed this is brilliant!

Statistically speaking, according to the majority of these experts, this recent bull rally is really just a “bear market rally”. So, going with that theory, this “bear market rally” should be ending very soon. Soon as in last Friday thus starting a brand new bear market tomorrow, on Monday. So, what’ll be? In honor of Saturday Night Live’s Super Fans, we must ask,  

“Are we taking da Bears or are we takin’ da Bulls?”

snl-super-fans

Seems like an easy question these days. Everyone’s going nuts over what could be over 700,000 job cuts in the month of March when the jobs data gets released this Friday. If it’s worse than expected the Bears are attacking with machine guns. If it’s better than expected, the Bulls could hold their ground and reinforce their current attack with another missle rally upward. It could happen.

missle-launch

Point is, something completely one-sided will take effect. Either the bears kick ass or the bulls. Trust me, either way, it won’t be an even week. Might not even be two or three. Something’s happening right now, on a Sunday night, all around the world that none of us little investors know about. But it’s a’happenin’. It’s a mystery as to what it is but it involves money and lots of it to be precise. 

question-mark

Anyhow, bear or bull, war or not, there’s stocks out there worth a good look. However, there’s many that aren’t. Here are a few I’ve noticed that just look bad. In short, they suck.

Warner Music Group (WMG) wmg-small-logo

It’s not WMG’s fault that music is officially dead from a corporate standpoint. If it was alive, Warner would be just fine. See, most artists got smart and are now taking the DIY (doing it yourself) directiont. Basically, artists have been completely cutting out the middleman (Warner, Universal, Sony) and making lots of dough doing it. Thank yourself, the artists and the Web for taking down the evil empire of Big Music. Great job, ya’ll.

Playboy Enterprises Inc (PLA) playboy-logo-small

All guys have a special place in their heart for Hugh Hefner and Playboy but there may be a possibility that the once greatest adult entertainment company in the world could be done. Online porn has wiped out most of the big adult companies and will continue to do so unless the bigger companies can give the fans of that industry something worth their while that doesn’t cost $40. Charging that dough for DVD’s is ridiculous when the rest of the porn these people are watching online is free. Reconsider your business plan, Hugh.

Blockbuster Inc (BBI) blockbuster-logo-small

I might have mentioned before that it seems everyone has put a Stopbuster to their Blockbuster. Remember when it was always a Blockbuster night? I would hit up Blockbuster myself every Saturday night for a movie until I realized my wallet was empty every time I left with a new movie. I started realizing the mom and pop shop down the street was giving you a day less for half the price so you know what I did. Then, Netflix came along and the rest is history.

STOP…WATCHING THIS CRAP

Thursday, March 19th, 2009

watchmen-movie

WATCHMEN (Warner Bros. 2009)

You know how you can really tell a movie sucks? Don’t pay any attention whatsoever to that big opening weekend box office number you sometimes see accompany big studio releases. What matters is the second weekend and the percentage the film drops in a full week due to word of mouth. If it’s a full 50% drop, the movie didn’t do so well with audiences and could lose a lot of money the longer it stays in theaters. Watchmen had a 67% drop in its second weekend indicating that not only general moviegoers weren’t too fond of the film but also devoted fans of the critically acclaimed graphic novel of the same name scribed by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons. Also, it’s important to know that Watchmen was released on an R-rated record number of screens, a whopping 3166 across America. That makes director Zack Snyder’s opening weekend of just over $55 million a little less impressive although I wouldn’t mind that kind of dough in my piggy bank. But a drop of 67% the second week is just not good. In fact, it’s downright terrible and at close to three hours, it’s hard to stick through something if it’s not moving your forward. I criticize this movie on its ultra aggressive marketing campaign and forced promotional tactics on all of us. I just want a good film, douche bags. That’s all I ever wanted. It’s also why I don’t pay money to see your dumb ass films anymore. Capisce?

WATCH THIS INSTEAD

the-crow

THE CROW (Miramax Films 1994)

Want to see a dark and twisted super cool super hero flick? Get your ass on to Netflix and put this baby into your “que” or hit up the local Blockbuster. It’s worth it. Worth it like you can’t imagine. I’m not coining this as the greatest film of all time. No. But it’s one of the most different “comic hero” movies of all time. First of all, the entire film is shot in a gray and dreary but strangely beautiful way that pulls in the eye. The plot remains well in line with the original story, a graphic novel written by James O’Barr. Craziest thing about this movie: Brandon Lee, who plays the main character, Eric Draven, died on the set of the movie due to a horrible malfunction with a gun holding dummy bullets. He had passed with only a few days left of filming and thus every scene of the film is haunting and eerie and trippy and one hell of an adventure. Do you believe in ghosts? This, is beyond your imagination.

STOP…BUYING THIS STUFF

Friday, March 6th, 2009

Here to help you out with more things we buy that we don’t need that just empty our wallets.

blockbuster-night

MAKE IT A BLOCKBUSTER NIGHT

Blockbuster got Blockbusted. I ain’t making it a Blockbuster Night ever again. At $4.50 just to rent one new movie, it’s no surprise a lot of people, including tons of families, traded in their Blockbuster Nights for their Netflix que. It’s a better deal and you don’t even have to move from your. You do have to lift you fingers a bit in order to use the mouse but if you’re that lazy to complain about that, you’ve got some problems you need to work out. Also, telling me I get to keep the movie for four nights is pointless. What the hell do I need the movie four nights for? I pop it in that night and watch it and I’m done. That’s about 24 hours altogether and you’re selling me on four nights? Sheesh.

fitted

I’M A PLAYER SO I GOT TO HAVE MY HAT TO THE SIDE

“Gee, Ma, if all those cool, flashy rappers have those nice looking caps tilted to the side, why can’t I?” Well, because, not only are those rappers flossing and fronting and trying to be WAY cooler than they actually are, those rappers are also getting paid major cheddar, chips, scrilla, papers, money or whatever else they may be calling it these days. I just checked out www.lidz.com, one of the largest selling hat chains in the U.S. Checked out some of the Lakers hats and the old school Los Angeles Lakers hat with the light blue Minneapolis Lakers writing style was going for a measly $31.99. Yeah, I definitely did a double take there too. Back in 1993, these kinds of hats were all of $11 and still fit nice and still looked good. Oh, and we didn’t have them leaning off the side of our heads like a bunch of circus retards. And it always strikes me how people like that call handicapped people retards when in fact, maybe they should look in the mirror and reconsider the way they wear their hats. You chumps are just silly. Simply silly.

whole-foods

I HAVE TO BE ORGANIC, RIGHT?

Well, organic is better but you know who shops at Whole Foods? RICH PEOPLE!!! Sure, organic is fun and healthy and, well, organic but damn, it comes with a price. A BIG price. Just so you know, you can get organic at Trader Joe’s for much MUCH cheaper. Whole Foods sells their stuff high because of branding. People see Whole Foods and they think automatically it’s a better and healthier product. Not true. A bag of chips at Whole Foods can be $3-4. That same bag at Trader Joes: $1.80-3. To me, that’s a big difference. If you don’t notice that difference, you’re a fool. Or you have a lot of money. Either way, you’re still a fool for not shopping wisely.

STOP…WATCHING THIS CRAP

Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009

Scanning my memory along the thousands of terrible movies the world of cinema has delivered to us in my lifetime, I decided to stick with the times and lash out on a recent flick that seemed to garner WAY TOO MUCH attention for a film that didn’t really deserve it. Films don’t deserve unnecessary praise when they’re just a watered down version of a movie before them that was way more original and just better all around. So, this time around, I decided to take teenage vampires to task because the love they’ve gotten recently is a little too “MTV” for me. And I don’t do MTV because MTV sucks.

twilight-movie-poster

TWILIGHT (Summitt Entertainment 2008)

Twilight started as a novel by Stephenie Meyer and became the teen vampire book became an enormous success with a bunch of different spin offs of the original. The wildly successful movie is its most prosperous project to date, taking in over $190 million in box office revenue. 

It tells the story of Isabella Swan (Bella) whose migration from Phoenix, Arizona to Forks, Washington entails the usual teen angst until she gets her life saved by a teen vampire who stops a moving van with his bare hands in the parking lot of their high school. Turns out Edward Cullen is a vampire, along with his family however, unlike most vampires, Edward and his blood-thirsty family drink the blood of animals rather than humans as their vampirish race should be doing. 

More stuff happens and twists get thrown into the whole ordeal to provide fans with a vague and unoriginal story usually reserved for movies like this. I’m not a fan of the book so I could care less how accurate the movie is in relation to the book but apparently, it’s a far cry from the novel in a bad way. But that’s usually the case with books taking a chance at the silver screen.

WATCH THIS INSTEAD

lost-boys

THE LOST BOYS (Warner Bros. 1987)

Funny how this 1987 horror/comedy movie about cool teenaged vampires was also about a teenager originally from Arizona who moves over to the west coast, this time to sunny California. Jason Patric plays Michael but this movie has tons and tons of good actors such as Diane Wiest, Kiefer Sutherland, Corey Haim and Corey Feldman, teen superstars of the 1980′s. The cast alone sends it way passed Twilight in the “which is better” discussion so let’s put that to rest right off the bat.

As for originality, Twilight doesn’t stand a chance against The Lost Boys because not only is the actual story more creative and unique, the characters themselves are all so different, they each have their own little way of doing things, making each of them distinct. Basically, the coastal down of Santa Carla, California is infested by a local gang that, in all actuality, is really a gang of vampires with a twist. It’s so much like the normal gang activity that they even have an initiation rite for Michael (Patric).

To make this easy on you, get on your Netflix and get this bad boy sent to your house. Either that, or hit up the local video store and grab this on DVD. If you like any or all teenaged vampire movies, it’s damn near impossible for this one to disappoint. If it does, it’s probably a problem with your head, not the movie.

STOP…WATCHING THIS CRAP

Thursday, February 19th, 2009

Hello again, my friends. Swooping into the television category today for a few pieces of criticism I have about a large part of our current state of tv. There are some shows out there that are just TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, STUPID AND POINTLESS. But, if that’s the case, WHY ARE YOU STILL WATCHING THEM??!! Well, that’s what I’m here for. To change your mind. Because me, I got some shows you SHOULD watch that will blow your mind.

So, let’s get to some criticism, shall we?

gossip-girl

GOSSIP GIRL (THE CW)

Another show sensationalizing the rich only this time it’s the young and rich. Still horse crap if you ask me. Just because Blair and her totally generic rich surroundings and cliche prep school friends are wealthy doesn’t make them cool. Not only that, it doesn’t make them interesting and it doesn’t give them some entitlement as to what we should and shouldn’t be doing in this world. 

However, here people are, gleaming over this show about ridiculous rich teenagers doing ridiculously rich teenage things as only ridiculous rich ridiculously pretentious young people can do (sorry about the ridiculous tirade). The truth is, the Gossip Girl could be called “Fake Girl” or “Just Another TV Rich Girl) because all this show does is throw constant praise over the wealthy life giving our young people yet another distorted view or reality. 

By the way, why are so many Americans obsessed with really rich people on television shows? Wouldn’t you think maybe it’d be a better idea to try to find a good way to get rich rather than to sit back and watch the lives of the rich?

TRY WATCHING THIS FOR A CHANGE 

that-70s-show

THAT 70′S SHOW (FOX)

Though this is a sitcom, this hilarious show is still closer to the reality of teenager’s and young adults than Gossip Girl. Watching the six main characters of the show, all friends, mingle and live their simple, ordinary young lives was watching real American young people operate in the space we’ve given them. 

While this show has tons of laughs and jokes, the main thing is the interaction between the six friends who mesh perfectly but have a ring of truth to each of them. It’s as if we’ve known all of them at some point or another in our lives, just by different names. Also, these were Wisconsin kids going to public school like most American teenagers do. Their houses were also very modest and their families middle class, just like most of us.

And while many of you may think the characters on That 70′s Show lived very simplistic, easy-going lives with the typical woes that come accustomed with young adulthood, that’s how most young adults live. 

Watch Gossip Girl and then watch That 70′s Show and you tell me which one is closer to home. Maybe That 70′s Show is silly, over-the-top and super quirky, but it sends a better message than the “it’s hip to be rich” undertones accompanied with Gossip Girl.