MONEY HONEYS AND PLAYBOY BUNNIES

Sunday, May 17th, 2009

This time around, I’m going with some of the up and coming stars in today’s world. Well, at least the one’s I thought I could manipulate into this column somehow due to my wildly ridiculous mind. But, I got some hot new names that are all over the place these days.

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$$$MONEY$$$ - ZOE SALDANA

I have to put her here now that I’ve seen the newest Star Trek. Saw the flick yesterday and looooooved it. And, I can’t stand Star Trek! Never have, never will…unless, we’re talking about this new one. And, if we’re talking about the new Star Trek, it’s hard not to talk about Zoe Saldana, the actress playing the new Nyota Uhura. There is cute, there is hot, and then there is smoooooooooking hot! I wonder which category Ms. Saldana falls into. She’s Dominican, a New Jersey native and a good little actress as well. Not only is she gorgeous but she can live up to whatever role she’s playing. This, I dig. As in, I really dig this smoking hot and gorgeous chick named Zoe Saldana who is now officially my new crush. Stop Pop Culture is now officially following you and also officially one of your biggest fans. GO ZOE!

sasha-grey

PORN HONEY – SASHA GREY

A Northern California girl, Sasha Grey is one of the most famous porn stars right now, straight out of Sacramento of all places. Saved up $7K to move to the lovely City of Angels to pursue acting and wound up becoming a porn queen instead. She’s apparently big on aggressive sex such as degrading sex acts like being slapped and hit during intercourse. Such a lovely girl, ain’t she? She’s also been featured in the Roots video, “Birthday Girl”, as well as Smashing Pumpkins music video “Superchrist”. Recently, she’s been testing her mettle in the acting world, appearing in some low budget films. In a Rolling Stone interview, she was quoted as saying to the women in the world “it’s okay to be a slut”. Sasha, how about you have your opinions and the rest of the women in the world have theirs? Celebrities say some silly things but this porn star saying something that ludicrous is just dumb as shit. Also, one other thing, it was really hard finding any good pictures of Ms. Grey where she wasn’t blowing some dude or taking it up the you know what. How many women would admire that about themselves? I’m curious.

dasha-astafieva

PLAYBOY BUNNY – DASHA ASTAFIEVA

Dasha Astafieva, January 2009 Playmate of the Month, making the Playboy’s 55th Anniversary Playmate. This Ukrainian beauty is also part of the Ukrainian pop group, Nikita, showing that not only can she rock a hot body, she can rock a tune also. At least, that’s probably what she thinks. Me? I can’t see any Playmate of the Month rocking any kind of music unless it’s gorgeous Vanessa Williams who had a hell of a successful music career after she was stripped of her Miss America crown. Then again, that was Miss America, not a Playboy Playmate. Anyways, I guess you might start hearing more and more about her throughout this year since she’s apparently cutting in on The Girls Next Door‘s action and trying to win over Hugh Hefner. This is not sitting well with platinum blonde doll, Holly Madison. Yes, my anti-pop culture friends, you shall be hearing much more of this pathetic tale in the coming months.

AND THE WINNER IS…Sasha Grey is immediately out of the running in this battle due to that ignorant comment. Look, I understand you’re a super successful porn star and yeah, most of us watch porn however, telling young women out there that it’s “okay to be a slut” is just pathetic. So it comes down to Zoe Saldana and Hugh Hefner’s possible new squeeze, Dasha Astafieva. Is this really even a contest? Not in my eyes. Besides, Dasha is overrated to me. She’s not even one of the prettier Playmates I’ve seen. Zoe, on the other hand, is drop dead gorgeous and looks pretty classy too. She wins in looks and style! 

ZOE SALDANA WINS!

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*I will be going to the next Star Trek partly because of you, Zoe

MONEY, HONEYS & PLAYBOY BUNNIES

Tuesday, April 28th, 2009

Okay, back to work on this one because it’s been too long and I’ve got people asking why. Decided to pit some naturals against one another. That means natural breasts, something it seems we as a society have gotten away from a little too much. Fake is out, natural is in. At least in my world it is and that’s all that really matters.

Regent Beverly Wilshire Hotel

$$$MONEY$$$ SALMA HAYEK

Salma seems like such a sweet girl, doesn’t she? Remember when she first appeared in American cinema with Antonio Banderas in Desperado? Smooooooooookin’! Strangely, she almost looks better today then she did back then but we’re talking apples and oranges here. Naturally, Salma, yours are something to be reckoned with.

christy-canyon

PORN HONEY – CHRISTY CANYON

Christy Canyon is one of those porn stars that’s been in the game for years. You mention her name out loud on the streets and chances are someone knows it, maybe more than just a few people too. Christy also broke into the industry back when producers wanted their porn queens to be stacked naturally, possibly a 1980′s trend of some sort. If you’d like more information about Canyon, find her porn autobiography, Lights, Camera, Sex!, a read I’m sure will be interesting if not entertaining.

gianna-mazzon

PLAYBOY BUNNY-GIANNA MAZZON

Gianna’s a pretty, all natural Playmate from San Diego, CA. Apparently, the dudes really dig her boobies as they are not only 100% organic, but rather large 34D sized breasts. Personally, I’m not big into Playmates as it’s tough to tell how pretty they really are due to the make-up and air brushing along with the fact that many of these gorgeous women take some of their gorgeous out by replacing their naturals with fakes. Stupid.

AND THE WINNER IS…Very tough since the three women here sort of feel like they’re on an equal plane. However, while Gianna Mazzon’s 34D’s are an eye-popper and Christy Canyon’s enormous jugs are as well, this victory goes to Salma Hayek who is beautiful, sweet and has a rack that’s the envy of many women in the world, including other female celebrities.

SALMA HAYEK WINS

MONEY, HONEYS & PLAYBOY BUNNIES

Thursday, April 2nd, 2009

Okay, it was only going to happen sooner or later that I moved on to the beautiful, trashy and sexy black women in the world, especially ones that could fall under the money, honeys and Playboy bunnies category. Here goes nothing.

lisa-wu-hartwell

$$$MONEY&&&: LISA WU-HARTWELL

And who can love you like me (nobody) 
Who can sex you like me (nobody) 
Who can lay your body down (nobody) 
Nobody, baby (nobody) – Nobody – Keith Sweat

Real Housewives of Atlanta’s very own Lisa Wu-Hartwell probably wouldn’t be too stoked about me posting those lyrics from her ex-husband, Keith Sweat. Then again, do I care? I do not. Now, she’s married to Edgerton Hartwell, a NFL linebacker that was good with the Baltimore Ravens but now can’t find a team to take him. Her little motto is “If it doesn’t make me money, I won’t do it” and that explains her three businesses as well as her bankruptcy in 2007. Interesting. Anyways, there you have it. If you even cared.

domonique-simone

HONEY: DOMONIQUE SIMONE

Domonique (that’s the spelling, folks) has had a rough life, like most porn stars. Domonique also has tremendously large tits because of tremendously large breast implants, like most porn stars. She’s given it her all for over 200 films and, unfortunately, is starting to look like she has.

ida-ljundquist

PLAYBOY BUNNY: IDA LJUNGQVIST

Don’t bother with the last name since it’s a real son of a bitch to pronounce on first look so I’m calling her Ida Issa since when I first looked at her pic all I said was “Ida is a beautiful thang!”. See, Ida Issa Swedish/Tanzanian hybrid, her daddy from the Alps and her mother from Africa. Ida Issa only playmate that was born in Africa as a matter of fact. You know, sometimes you just have to sit back and enjoy the view. Which reminds me: Is there a race of people out there called Gorgeous? I think there might be. Th has to be.

AND THE WINNER IS…IDA ISSA WINNER!

Was there really any question here? Miss Wu-Hartwell can’t figure out whether she likes money or spending money, the other looks way beyond her best porn years and the last is as pretty a woman as earth could provide mankind. 

STOP…PANICKING AND BUY

Sunday, March 29th, 2009

Rally on, Mr. Market, RALLY ON! Well, at least it was fun while it lasted. Three straight weeks of gains topped off with last Friday’s market losing 148 points or 1.87%. Not terrible since that damn thing kicked major ass last Monday, gaining 497 points or 6.8%. What’s that spell: V-O-L-A-T-I-L-E.

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But does the three week gain mean anything? How much it means is up to the guys who have their big degrees and big paychecks to claim they know the answers. Unfortunately for those geniuses, they still don’t know shit. Analysts, researchers, economists are very smart people. Very, very smart. But they don’t know more than you, they don’t know more than me and they don’t know what they think they know about the market. They’re just a bunch of dudes who know a lot of numbers and can write a good report on them. In short, they’re smart asses. 

smart-ass

*Another great picture. Whoever designed this is brilliant!

Statistically speaking, according to the majority of these experts, this recent bull rally is really just a “bear market rally”. So, going with that theory, this “bear market rally” should be ending very soon. Soon as in last Friday thus starting a brand new bear market tomorrow, on Monday. So, what’ll be? In honor of Saturday Night Live’s Super Fans, we must ask,  

“Are we taking da Bears or are we takin’ da Bulls?”

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Seems like an easy question these days. Everyone’s going nuts over what could be over 700,000 job cuts in the month of March when the jobs data gets released this Friday. If it’s worse than expected the Bears are attacking with machine guns. If it’s better than expected, the Bulls could hold their ground and reinforce their current attack with another missle rally upward. It could happen.

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Point is, something completely one-sided will take effect. Either the bears kick ass or the bulls. Trust me, either way, it won’t be an even week. Might not even be two or three. Something’s happening right now, on a Sunday night, all around the world that none of us little investors know about. But it’s a’happenin’. It’s a mystery as to what it is but it involves money and lots of it to be precise. 

question-mark

Anyhow, bear or bull, war or not, there’s stocks out there worth a good look. However, there’s many that aren’t. Here are a few I’ve noticed that just look bad. In short, they suck.

Warner Music Group (WMG) wmg-small-logo

It’s not WMG’s fault that music is officially dead from a corporate standpoint. If it was alive, Warner would be just fine. See, most artists got smart and are now taking the DIY (doing it yourself) directiont. Basically, artists have been completely cutting out the middleman (Warner, Universal, Sony) and making lots of dough doing it. Thank yourself, the artists and the Web for taking down the evil empire of Big Music. Great job, ya’ll.

Playboy Enterprises Inc (PLA) playboy-logo-small

All guys have a special place in their heart for Hugh Hefner and Playboy but there may be a possibility that the once greatest adult entertainment company in the world could be done. Online porn has wiped out most of the big adult companies and will continue to do so unless the bigger companies can give the fans of that industry something worth their while that doesn’t cost $40. Charging that dough for DVD’s is ridiculous when the rest of the porn these people are watching online is free. Reconsider your business plan, Hugh.

Blockbuster Inc (BBI) blockbuster-logo-small

I might have mentioned before that it seems everyone has put a Stopbuster to their Blockbuster. Remember when it was always a Blockbuster night? I would hit up Blockbuster myself every Saturday night for a movie until I realized my wallet was empty every time I left with a new movie. I started realizing the mom and pop shop down the street was giving you a day less for half the price so you know what I did. Then, Netflix came along and the rest is history.

$MONEY$, HONEYS AND PLAYBOY BUNNIES

Tuesday, March 24th, 2009

This one’s for my El Salvadorian buddies back at my old job. I just wanted to make them proud and promise to do as I told them: “Write sumthin’ bout the fine chicas, ese”. ‘Nuff said, fellas.

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$$$MONEY$$$ – JENNIFER LOPEZ

Jennifer Lopez. J-Lo on the street and with the kids and on MTV and all the other silly shit. Known to do whatever it takes to get to the top, including screwing anyone over who dares to stand in her way. Married some dancer once, divorced him because he probably wasn’t pulling in much loot. Tries to marry Ben Affleck until one of them realized how big the other’s ego was (or they both realized this) and broke it off but was able to hook up with latin pop singer Marc Anthony (what kind of Latin name is that?!) who she’s currently still with although there’s always reported problems in the marriage. Finally got pregnant with twins so her blood can continue torturing the people around her for years to come. That’s Jennifer Lopez. Or J-Lo. Or who gives a shit?

vanessa-del-rio

HONEY: VANESSA DEL RIO

Vanessa Del Rio was one of the first big porn stars, albeit a Hispanic porn star as well. She’s appeared in over 100 porno films and is still recognized as one of the greats among porn insiders today. Also, Vanessa has done her share of work in front of the camera in the public eye as well, playing herself in many music videos and appearing in shows such as NYPD Blue. Anyways, apparently she’s someone special in the porn industry.

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PLAYBOY BUNNY: MARIA CHECA

Maria Checa was a gorgeous, Columbian model and actress who landed in Florida with her parents when she was young. She accomplished many things as a young woman, one being an artist attending the Maryland Institute College of Art. Of course, Miss Checa then went on to become playmate of the month in August 1994, turning her future into what appeared to be destiny. But poor Maria unfortunately got caught with the wrong honcho and her boyfriend helped get her in trouble for insider trading. Sad story, eh?

AND THE WINNER IS….

Jennifer Lopez. J-Lo. This was a tough one for me. However, Maria Checa looks a tad skinny and I don’t like her taste in men. Vanessa Del Rio just ain’t my type and seems, well, a little used. Also, she’s 57! J-Lo, by default, but also due to extraordinary hotness when she was younger, takes the victory this round.

MONEY, HONEYS AND PLAYBOY BUNNIES

Friday, March 6th, 2009

For some reason, this week, I wanted to make the MONEY part of this segment someone from the political world being that politics in such a focal point of our country right now. Don’t be angry at me. 

$$$MONEY$$$

meghan-mccain

*even though Daddy lost, Daddy’s little girl is pretty cute

MEGHAN McCAIN (JOHN’S DAUGHTER)

You all know I’m a Democrat but you also all know I’m not predjudice to Republicans, especially when they’re hot. Anyways, scouring around, I come across this article on cnn.com written by Meghan about how Daddy’s campaign killed her love life. Apparently, she’s single. Apparently, she knows a bunch of douchey guys with no sacks because if they’re letting a cutie like Meghan slide by, they may just be women dressed as men. Trannies, possibly. You just never know.

HONEY

Mann Village Theatre

STORMY DANIELS (SENATOR PORN STAR?)

Stormy as you might know is a porn star. You may have heard her name during election time because her name was thrown around to campaign against a Republican Senator from Louisiana in 2010. Seems that every few years a porn star puts on some clothes and claims to be a politician. Certainly would be interesting having a former porn star as a Senator though. Especially if we could hear them discuss safe sex and teen pregnancy. That’d be awesome! And entertaining.

PLAYBOY BUNNY

india-allen

INDIA ALLEN (1988 PLAYMATE OF THE YEAR)

Self described “die-hard Republican”, India Allen was 1988′s Playmate of the Year. Maybe Hugh Hefner and his staff lost their eye sight in 1987 and couldn’t see the 1988 playmates of the month very well. Either way, I’d like to know where a white girl like this gets name like India from. There’s certainly nothing saying “India” about her. Also, it turned me off to know that she “loves” cigars. This is probably sexist but the ladies shouldn’t “love” cigars. That’s just nasty. 

AND THE WINNER IS…I’m not feeling the Playmate since she’s a die-hard Republican and loves cigars. Stormy Daniels is a porn star possibly running for Senate but she’s a little too t”bleached” for me if you know what I mean. I’m also not huge on redheads who want to be blondes. Meghan is cute and seems sweet even though she’s got that problem with her Daddy being John McCain and all. But MEGHAN McCAIN takes this one.