I hate spiders. After seeing this freaky bastard walk off with a poisonous coral snake, I’m not looking forward to an evening filled with nightmares.
Posts Tagged ‘snakes’
Tuesday, July 28th, 2009
Thursday, March 26th, 2009
BATTLE OF THE BEASTS: BADGER VS WOLVERINE
I thought it’d be a good Battle of the Beasts to pit two mascots of two very recognized universities against one another. In honor of the Wisconsin Badgers and Michigan Wolverines, this one’s for you!
“Badgers? We don’t need no stinkin’ badgers.” – UHF
BADGER (Taxidea taxus-American badger)
SIZE: 2-2.5 FT 9-16 LBS
Pop goes the weasel! Pop goes the badger, ferret and wolverine too because they’re all part of the same family, Mustelidae. Known throughout the world for their incredible ferocity, this family of intense mammals is NOT to be messed with. Ferrets and weasels don’t tend to have the attitude problems of their cousin, the badger but screwing with any member of this family would probably serve you wrong.
The American badger can be found in the central and western parts of our country and throughout all of central and southwestern Canada and British Columbia. They can also be found in Mexico where the locals call them “tejon”. Their colorings are usually of the black, gray and white blend, some more colorful then others.
In regards to eating, the badger likes to prey on the little mammals that it lives with such as gophers, ground squirrels, deer mice, various rat species, voles, prairie dogs, marmots, lizards, snakes, amphibians and even birds. THE BADGER LIKES TO EAT!!! Basically, the badger was built with an enormous pair of front claws, enabling it burrow for food. Here’s the coolest fact of all: Badgers and coyotes have formed a hunting team in the wild, the coyote chasing quicker mammals above ground and then allowing the badger to dig them out when they retreat underground. It is a perfectly precise operation that leaves their prey no room to live. Nice teamwork, guys.
For those of you that don’t already know, badgers are absolutely livid in the wild when approached. They back down from NOTHING, including much larger mammals such as wolves and bears. Should you find this hard to believe, you’re free to test a wild badger if you can find one. But if you’ve ever heard stories about the badgers and their steaming temper, well, it’s as true as can be.
WE DON’T NEED NO STINKIN’ BADGERS!
WOLVERINE (Gulo gulo)
SIZE: 2-3 FT 20-60 LBS
Although you may be thinking X-Men here, we’re discussing the real live actual living wolverine, not Wolverine, the super hero with the metal claws. No, this is the real deal here, folks. The wolverine does live amongst you, although they tend to liken themselves to isolated and colder northern regions of the United States, Canada, Russia, China and Mongolia. So, fortunately for us, if you don’t like the cold too much, you probably won’t ever have to encounter a wolverine.
Sadly, these mean little guys are very sought out for their fur because, unlike many animals, a wolverine’s coat is damn near water resistant, meaning it can fend off frost very well. Unfortunately, hunters know this and target them because, as you know, hunters are a bunch of greedy pricks.
Now check this out: wolverines have a molar tooth at the back of the mouth that is rotated 90 degrees toward the inside of their mouth! This helps them tear chunks of meat off of carrion that might be frozen solid and it also allows them to crush bones where they can feed on the marrow. YUMMY!
Now on to the fun part: Wolverine and humans. While wolverines haven’t been recorded to kill a person, they are M-E-A-N. And ferocious. And mean. And even more ferocious. This is an animal known to adamantly defend its kill against the likes of bears, wolves and cougars. Also. wolverines have been known to have the balls to try to steal a kill from a bear but unfortunately this usually will result in a wolverine’s death. Sure, wolverines are nasty but a bear is just as nasty and a whole lot bigger.
THE SAGE SAYS…At the same size, this is a good match. Badgers have a powerful set of claws and big teeth but wolverines are immensely powerful and brutal, their willingness to defend their kill or steal a kill from much larger animals being something to take notice in. In a battle to the death, the wolverine outlasts the badger but unfortunately crawls away and lays down to die.
WOLVERINE WINS…BUT DIES
Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009
I have a good friend, bless her heart, that is terrified of snakes. T-E-R-R-F-I-E-D. It’s so bad, in fact, that when she comes over, my fiance and I can’t even watch a show on television with snakes or any reptile for that matter. The point I’m making? People are really scared shitless of reptiles so I figured it would be a good subject. Although I like reptiles, I understand why people wouldn’t like them.
So, for those scaly, beady-eyed reptilians, a list…
FER-DE-LANCE (Bothrops asper)
This is one of those snakes that is so feared that it’s known in the snake world as the “ultimate pitviper”, meaning that in a family of other really poisonous serpents, this is one of the worst. It’s known to kill the most people in Central and South America, luckily for us, the only part of the world it roams. By the way, you have a light stomach, you should skip the next few pictures.
DO NOT LOOK AT THE PICTURE BELOW.
YOU’VE BEEN WARNED TWICE NOW
SALTWATER CROCODILE (Crocodylus porosus)
For a reptile that lives over 50 or 60 years, this is one old bastard you do not want to be near. First off, it is ENORMOUS. Salties (the Australian term) can grow up to 23 feet long and weigh 3000 pounds. And don’t forget that evil grin filled with a bunch of gnarly teeth. Not only is it the largest and heaviest reptile on planet Earth, this bad boy and his family have been around so long, they used to eat with the dinosaurs. I’m glad these guys mostly confined to Australia, Papua New Guinea and parts of Southeast Asia. Watching them on television works just fine for me, thank you.
*this sign cracks me up
KOMODO DRAGON (Varanus komodoensis)
Thank heavens that the Komodo dragon only dwells on a few tiny islands around Indonesia because it is big, nasty and loves rotten meat. Most of the times, the dragon feeds on carrion (dead animals) but they’re known to prey on large mammals such as deer and boar with a stealth ambush, going right for the throat or underside of the animal. Far and away the biggest lizard in the word, it ranges being between 6-9 1/2 feet and up to 150 pounds. Their scariest attribute is the bacteria in their saliva that contains so many different kinds of deadly bacteria, including the one that causes sepsis, it’s best to just stay away from those small islands and stay away from Komodo dragons altogether.
It would be fun to have one of these in the backyard if you had the room. Imagine having company and inviting them to see your pet dragon. Of course, no one would ever believe you. But, once you took them out back, wouldn’t their reactions be great? I don’t know, just me thinking crazy, I guess.
*sometimes I think we’re sharing the planet with animals and not the other way around
ALLIGATOR SNAPPING TURTLE (Macrochelys temminckii)
Does it surprise you more that there’s a dangerous turtle in the United States or the fact that it can possibly bite your hand off? Quite possibly the ugliest living thing the planet has to offer, the alligator snapping turtle makes its home in the southeastern U.S. in the Mississippi River and all of its surrounding bodies of water. These turtles may not be long but they can weigh up to 200 pounds and have a nasty bite to back it up. Though they’re not deadly, should you be wading in the swamps of the south and bump into one of these, you could very well lose a few toes.