STOP IT!

Friday, April 24th, 2009

Thought I’d run down some things in our society we just need to put a stop to. And I don’t care if you have to put your foot on someone’s throat, do what you have to because there are some things that just aren’t necessary anymore.

STOP! …Acting hard when you’re really not.

wiggers-2

STOP!…Giving us parking tickets for stupid shit just to fill your quota. We all know that’s what you’re doing.

parking-enforcement2

STOP!…Talking about Octomom. Haven’t we had it with this crazy bitch yet? Thank you.

octomom-2

STOP!…Showing nothing but negative, depressing and miserable headlines. Can we get a story about Girl Scout cookies or something?

headlines-31

STOP!…Trying to look pretty when you’re not. You know who you are.

ugly-chick

STOP BUYING THAT CRAP

Thursday, April 23rd, 2009

I found 3 very basic items we’ve all had to buy or have to buy frequently that are really starting to piss me off with their prices. These products are pushing the damn envelope a little too far. One always has and is now paying for it.gum


GUM

What in the hell happened to gum? Didn’t it used to be, like, half a buck for a pack of gum? Now it’s at a $1.25-50 and I’m shitting in my pants. Gum, my friends, should not be this expensive. There should be a law enabling people free gum since there are too many citizens of the world walking around with disgusting breath. I feel we owe this people gum and they shouldn’t have to spend that kind of money on one pack. Dude, it’s friggin’ gum! Let us at least chew some gum without feeling it’s hitting our pockets. 

lighters

LIGHTERS

Another thing that used to be super cheap. I’m talking three for a dollar cheap. Nowadays, a crappy lighter runs you a buck and the good ones are almost $2 unless you get them in bulk. I don’t smoke cigarettes but a lighter is a handy tool if you know what I mean. Many things can be done with one lighter but it’s a human necessity, not an item that should be priced beyond rationality. Sure, it ain’t much dough but for something that was 30 or 40 cents just a few years ago and has tripled in price, we’re getting screwed. Hard. Save money and buy a cool zippo. It will last you longer. Even a lifetime.

hp_ink_cartridge

INK CARTRIDGES FOR PRINTERS

You’ve got to be out of your fucking mind with this one, guys! HP, Epson, all the printer ink monopolizers are some of the scummiest, greediest bastards on the planet. When an ink cartridge costs an average of $30 for my printer, we’ve got a problem. Dammit, we’ve got blasphemy! A printer is a printer: It prints paper with ink so we can read it! Are you that lame and money hungry that you would rather us just buy the printer without the ink? I mean, what the fuck is the point of a printer if it doesn’t have ink and why did I just buy the printer? Why do we not get 5-6 ink cartridges included in our purchase of your printers? Would it be because you want us to buy your $30 cartridges every single time we run out of ink? Yes! Yes, I think that’s what it is.

STOP…BUYING THIS CRAP

Wednesday, March 25th, 2009

bottled-water

HEADING DOWN TO THE STORE FOR A BOTTLE OF WATER…

You might want to just keep your ass at home instead. Bottled water is better than tap although I’ve actually heard that’s not even the case. Then again, when you’ve grown up in Los Angeles most of your life such as me and my crew, you don’t drink the tap water if you don’t have to. It’s a last resort. That being said, bottled water is bought up by the gallons all throughout L.A. and the warmer cities. Problem is, most people in these cities haven’t adapted to something called financial responsibility that embodies a person’s overall spending habits, what they purchase and if they really need it or not. Water is something we need. Bottled water is something we don’t. Hit up one of these new water stores sprouting up all over the place. They all have water machines that use a reverse osmosis system that filters the water and makes it crispy and clean. It’s great and at a quarter a gallon, it’s the best deal you can get on a day to day basis. I used to spend $1.80 at 7Eleven every other day on a gallon of their cheaper water. I’m getting about more than seven times that amount at the water store. Ya dig?

7eleven

…AND WHILE I GRAB THE WATER, I’LL GET ME SOME CHIPS AND ICE CREAM

Be responsible with your munchies, cowboy. The convenience of 7Eleven and the neighborhood liquor store are in business because of convenience and nothing but. When you’re craving that Ben and Jerry’s at midnight and a quick drive to the supermarket just won’t do. But while the convenient stores are beckoning at your every desire, your wallet is screaming in pain along the way. Think for the future (even for half a day!) and drop by the market on the way home and spend three times less for three times more and a much happier evening with the munchies :)

tits

HAVE TO GET TO THE SALON BECAUSE MY HAIR’S A MESS!

Young man, STOP!!! If you’re a dude and the word salon somehow makes it out of your mouth, something has probably gone awry. Men go to a barbershop or the haircut place or something of that nature, never a salon. But many men do spend their hard earned money on a stylishly expensive trim down at a salon by some chick who’s probably got her tits in his face looking for a little more tip. Look, I’m not telling you not to be a mess with your hair. Quite the opposite, actually. I’m just telling you that the barber ain’t charging you $50 a pop and up for the same pair of scissors snipping away your hair to make it look better. A simple $15 cut at my old Korean barber never fails to do the trick. It’s great, he speaks barely any English and knows exactly what I want each and every time. He always gets a big tip from me. And it’s not the salon.

STOP…BUYING THIS STUFF

Thursday, March 19th, 2009

mercedes-benz_m_class_2009ml500

GOT ME A FAMILY SO I NEED ME A NICE SUV

Or maybe you don’t need a nice SUV. Hell, you probably don’t need an SUV at all, especially since they’re the premier gas guzzlers burning rubber on our American roads. Even worse, the American made SUV’s are considered the bottom of the barrel along with, yep, you guessed it, the Mercedes-Benz M Class. Also included in the outlandishly annoying SUV group, the Lincoln Navigator (which breaks my heart since I’ve always loved Lincolns), GMC Envoy and the Jeep Grand Cherokee. Watching families who can’t really afford the Mercedes M Class, however, takes the cake since a current model of one of these bad boys is going to start you at $43K and could take you up to a measley $90K with accessories. Either way, it’s a pretty simple solution: YOU DON’T NEED AN SUV IF YOU AREN’T OUT IN THE COUNTRY.

meat-section

GOTTA HAVE SOME MEAT ON THOSE BONES

Get that meat, baby! Just make sure you’re getting the right meat and make sure it’s at the right place. Most people eat meat, unless you’re a vegetarian loser that wants to shove that vegan bullshit in our face. Don’t mind vegetarians and I don’t mind vegans but I do mind you throwing that pretentious philosophy in my grill. Don’t do it and I won’t have to smack you across your grill with a big, fat steak. Point is, I see people, mothers, fathers, families, whatever, buying up meat all the time at my local market. What kills me is they’re buying the meat they want out of pure convenience. When it’s not on sale, how can anyone pay full price for meat whether it’s beef, pork, chicken or fish? Even funnier still is how people don’t head a few miles to the east or west where another market may have that same meat you wanted at anywhere from 25-75% off. There are INCREDIBLE sales at supermarkets EVERY WEEK, you just have to look a little. But that “looking a little” could save you something they call MONEY. LOTS AND LOTS OF MONEY!!!

ivy-league

SHIPPING OUR BABY ACROSS THE COUNTRY FOR COLLEGE

And maybe your baby’s on their way back so they can enroll at the local community or state college instead. Unfortunately for private colleges, online universities and community colleges are kicking the ever loving shit out of them for tuition. Parents are much less hesitant these days about shipping Johnny back east where the room, board, tuition and books is priced for the moon. Remember when you were at the toy store and wanted that REALLY REALLY EXPENSIVE toy and your parents would just give you that “are you f-ing crazy” look? Well, parents are doing that today as well only this time it’s private colleges and not toys. Either way, parents doing this are thinking right, parents who think there’s nothing better than to be able to brag that you went to  ”Princeton or Yale” are losing their money. Also, while private colleges can be marvelous, state colleges can be as well. 

STOP…CALLING THEM FAT

Thursday, March 12th, 2009

I thought I’d give a big shout out to Lane Bryant models overall. For those of you guys that are going to call these girls fatties and pigs and cows and whatever just remember one thing:

YOU WISH YOU WERE BANGING ONE OF THEM!

lane-bryant-models

*even the plus size models look bitchy and pissed off

lane-bryant-black-jeans

*your gluteus maximus is BANGIN’!

lane-bryant-3some1

*a PLUS SIZE 3some everyone should be able to enjoy!

lane-bryant-red-dress

*ah, the lady in red looks nice today

 


lane-bryant-lingerie-milf

*how many guys want to be her Valentine?

STOP…CALLING THEM FAT

Monday, March 2nd, 2009

MORE WOMEN ABOVE SIZE 10

size-10-naked

*Any questions? Didn’t think so.

shed-be-a-cougar-fellas

*She’d be a Cougar, right?

blond-big

*You’d turn down a size 14?

asian-big-beauty

*apparently, she’s waiting for you

plus-size-weird-bra

*cute lady but the bra looks weird to me

plus-magazine

*kinda funny they have to say she’s “Plus”. Strange. 

STOP…BUYING THIS STUFF

Thursday, February 26th, 2009

Had a little weekend vacation in Sin City (Las Vegas for those that aren’t familiar with that term) with my beautiful fiance last weekend to visit her mother and other family. Looking around at all the SUPER CHEAP buffets enveloping the city of Las Vegas, it encouraged me to find some pointers for this week’s blog on this subject. A rundown of some things that caught my eye that I thought I’d pass along.

sunday-ny-times

MY COFFEE, MY BREAKFAST AND MY SUNDAY PAPER

Cruised into a Starbucks and since I’m in Vegas, there’s no L.A. Times anywhere to be found. Starbucks, however, had the Las Vegas and NY Times Sunday papers. Knowing the NY Times is the better publication, I scooped it up and told the barista to ring it up with my large cup of joe. When she plugged in the numbers 5.00, I raised my hand for questioning. She said, well, yeah, the Sunday NY Times is $5 now because the cost of printing is so expensive. Thinking she was jerking my chain, I decided to look at the actual price listed on the paper.

5.00

So let’s go over this quickly: newspapers across the nation are losing all kinds of money so they RAISE the prices?! $5 for ink stained newspaper doesn’t add up no matter who’s writing the articles. Unless this paper gives you a blowjob or something, at that price, newspapers are not bordering on crazy, they’ve already become INSANE. No wonder our economy is where it is.

And by the way, to make matters worse, the Las Vegas Sunday paper was still $2.50. And it’s not even written that. Sheesh, what a scam by all the newspapers. BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

las_vegas_strip

LET’S STAY ON THE STRIP!

Or, maybe not. Sin City is having MAJOR issues but it’s not the casinos off the strip, it’s the ones on the strip. Why? Well, they’re more expensive of course, from the rooms all the way down to the food. Yes, the Strip is a fun place if you’ve never been but it’s not fun for more than two days because after that, there ain’t much more to do. Unless you want to $99/ticket on some chump doing B.S. magic and trying too hard to look pretty and hot on top of that, stay away from the Strip. Comedy shows and concerts don’t fare better since the prices may blow your mind even more.

Also, let’s not forget some of the other important intricacies of Las Vegas. For example, and I’m no smoker, but you want to sit down and play the slots but forgot to get your cigarettes back in your hometown, a pack of cigs inside the casinos start at $7 a pack. Listen, this is a hotel, not a god damn movie theater. Don’t charge me $3-4 extra for something just because you feel you can. That’s just crooked, dirty and greedy. Then again, it’s also the reason many of you people running the casinos are having BIG PROBLEMS. 

People will only spend so much. If you want to keep your money to a minimum but still enjoy a little bit of sin in Vegas, take your chances at a casino off the Strip such as Boulder Station or Sam’s Town. No, the people and employees there might not be as “perky and hip” as those on the Strip, but they’re normal people and the casino is MUCH MUCH CHEAPER.

las-vegas-buffet

LOOK, GUYS, THEY HAVE A BUFFET!

Yeah, every hotel in Vegas has a buffet but some of them seemed to have gotten over their head or gone Hollywood or something of that nature. As mentioned before, off the strip, the hotels provide buffets with decent prices and decent food, sometimes not so decent food but the price is usually right. 

On the strip is a different beast altogether. While there are definitely a few hotels sporting relatively inexpensive buffet prices (meaning $15-20), most hotels seem to think their food was cooked up by Zeus himself, thunderbolts and all. Not so fast, hotels on the Strip.

Sure, you may have good quality food but does that mean you overprice your customers ridiculous amounts when you know there’s a recession going on? When you want to charge us $25-$60 for a buffet, you’ve lost your mind and not only that, you’re STUPID. 

Something tickles me when an entire industry and city is getting its ass kicked by a recession and STILL wants to keep prices high only to wonder where the hell all the tourists and customers have gone? Well, that’s a very simple answer, folks:

THEY’VE GONE OFF THE STRIP!!!

vegas-girls

*the only great part about the Strip is you see a lot of these around unlike off the Strip

off-strip-ladies

*many people off the Strip look like these two broads

STOP…CALLING THEM FAT

Tuesday, February 24th, 2009

Yet another episode of trying to prove a point to the masses by pulling a bunch of pictures of women considered “too fat” to be regular models. It’s the same women who have been told “the camera puts on weight” and cast aside for anorexics.

big-butt-latina2


*this photographer has a long, successful career ahead of him.

elkebeach2small

*”Tina got a big ole buttI know I told you I’d be true/but Tina got a big ole butt so I’m leavin’ you” -LL Cool J Big Ole Butt

charlotte-coyle

*well known PLUS SIZE model Charlotte Croyle. I’d love to see how many guys would actually turn this one down.

curvy-girls

*from a “Jeans for Curvy Girls ad”. I’m  serious. H-O-T.

tyra-banks-reacts

*I figure Tyra Banks’ reaction is due to this model’s baby fat. Funny how the tables kind of turned on her, ain’t it?

Once again, I think we need a quick recap.

bbw-in-brown NORMAL

skinny-celebrity-woman NOT NORMAL

STOP…WATCHING THIS CRAP

Thursday, February 19th, 2009

Hello again, my friends. Swooping into the television category today for a few pieces of criticism I have about a large part of our current state of tv. There are some shows out there that are just TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, STUPID AND POINTLESS. But, if that’s the case, WHY ARE YOU STILL WATCHING THEM??!! Well, that’s what I’m here for. To change your mind. Because me, I got some shows you SHOULD watch that will blow your mind.

So, let’s get to some criticism, shall we?

gossip-girl

GOSSIP GIRL (THE CW)

Another show sensationalizing the rich only this time it’s the young and rich. Still horse crap if you ask me. Just because Blair and her totally generic rich surroundings and cliche prep school friends are wealthy doesn’t make them cool. Not only that, it doesn’t make them interesting and it doesn’t give them some entitlement as to what we should and shouldn’t be doing in this world. 

However, here people are, gleaming over this show about ridiculous rich teenagers doing ridiculously rich teenage things as only ridiculous rich ridiculously pretentious young people can do (sorry about the ridiculous tirade). The truth is, the Gossip Girl could be called “Fake Girl” or “Just Another TV Rich Girl) because all this show does is throw constant praise over the wealthy life giving our young people yet another distorted view or reality. 

By the way, why are so many Americans obsessed with really rich people on television shows? Wouldn’t you think maybe it’d be a better idea to try to find a good way to get rich rather than to sit back and watch the lives of the rich?

TRY WATCHING THIS FOR A CHANGE 

that-70s-show

THAT 70′S SHOW (FOX)

Though this is a sitcom, this hilarious show is still closer to the reality of teenager’s and young adults than Gossip Girl. Watching the six main characters of the show, all friends, mingle and live their simple, ordinary young lives was watching real American young people operate in the space we’ve given them. 

While this show has tons of laughs and jokes, the main thing is the interaction between the six friends who mesh perfectly but have a ring of truth to each of them. It’s as if we’ve known all of them at some point or another in our lives, just by different names. Also, these were Wisconsin kids going to public school like most American teenagers do. Their houses were also very modest and their families middle class, just like most of us.

And while many of you may think the characters on That 70′s Show lived very simplistic, easy-going lives with the typical woes that come accustomed with young adulthood, that’s how most young adults live. 

Watch Gossip Girl and then watch That 70′s Show and you tell me which one is closer to home. Maybe That 70′s Show is silly, over-the-top and super quirky, but it sends a better message than the “it’s hip to be rich” undertones accompanied with Gossip Girl.