I just don’t get it sometimes.
GO BULLS!
Posts Tagged ‘Stupid’
RULES TO LIVE BY
Wednesday, May 20th, 2009
I came up with some rules to live, ones I think are worth mentioning. If you have any other suggestions, please send them over to thesage@stoppopculture.com!
RULE #1
Never upset a man with a lot of tattoos on his neck.
RULE #2
Never wear a fannypack (it’s okay if you’re a girl but still looks lame)
RULE #3
Never talk about Paris Hilton unless you’re referring to her as “stupid”. If not, leave the immediate area or risk an immediate ass-kicking.
RULE #4
Don’t piss off the cops. Remember: they can beat the shit out of you and get away with it. In fact, they can kill you and get away with it. Always something to consider.
RULE #5
Never believe anything the government tells you. They lie to you because they have to. Trust me, we don’t even want to know half of the truth.
RULE #6
Don’t do meth (or crack, or coke, or heroin).
RULE #7
Always tip. It could mean the difference between good service and someone pissing in your soup broth.
RULE #8
If you want to follow a team, follow the Raiders. Even if they suck, at least they have the coolest colors and the best logo in all of sports. So, no matter what, you’ll look good.
TO BE CONTINUED…
WTF!!??!! ARE YOU WEARING
Wednesday, May 6th, 2009
Sometimes I wonder how in the hell the fashion industry stays afloat. After wondering a few minutes, two things come to mind as well: are we supposed to look at these costumes and think it’s a good joke or are we supposed to appreciate looking like a joke?
Anyways, what the fuck are they thinking?
*Devo called. They want their outfits back for the new Whip It Tour.
*Doesn’t matter which outfit you choose, you still look stupid.
*Model or Ice Queen from Narnia?
*Poodles gone wild?
*Wearing fashionable condoms on your head looks silly.
*Ma’am, you have a giant roll of tissue paper on your head.
*Alika Akbar Shakiba called and she wants her veil back.
*Model or crow?
Stop and look at THAT!
Monday, March 23rd, 2009
I thought this would be a really fun little section to pass time. You might stop, and well, look at something. BTW: That would be the whole point of this stupid little section as well.
*Silly shit. Just stupid, silly, nonsensical shit.
*A morbid and disgusting reminder of what happens when a camel spider bite is left untreated. BTW: camel spiders are in Middle Eastern deserts, yet another simple hurdle our troops after to jump over.
*This is about as perfect of an ass as you can find. AMEN!!!
*This picture almost made me piss my pants. In fact, I need to be excused.
*Must be hard being a leper. Poor son of a bitch can barely scratch his ass!
*Your new hit television horror series: MY DEAD DOG.
*Spiderman. Spiderman. Does whatever a spider can.
*The sign on my front lawn reads: BEWARE MOTHERFUCKERS!
*What a great idea. Brilliant! Genius! Revolutionary!
MORE THINGS THEY SHOULD BRING BACK
Saturday, March 14th, 2009
BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD (MIKE JUDGE)
Sure, the show was on MTV, but I’m not giving them credit for airing the damn thing. Mike Judge created it and did the voices, an incredible feat when I look back at it. Just hearing Beavis and Butt-Head laugh like maniacal hyper-sexual teenaged boys who just saw the greatest rack they’ve ever seen walk by them. The show is downright crude, juvenile, stupid, disturbing and might hurt you from all the laughing it forces. Butt-Head is the leader, Beavis the super hyperactive sidekick with a nervous tick. Their friendship is perfect, their humor outlandish, the show seamless.
WHERE’S WALDO? (MARTIN HANDFORD)
Remember how silly you thought this children’s book was until you opened it and found yourself excited with the whole childish notion of finding Waldo amongst an enormous crowd? A lot of it had to do with how goofy and likeable Waldo was along with the fact that there were so many diverse kinds of crowds within the pages of the books that you would often find yourself in awe of how easily he fit in without you noticing. You know, sometimes I just wish I was a kid again so I could do things like finding Waldo and not look like a complete jerk off while doing it.
COMIC RELIEF (BOB ZMUDA & HBO)
Our country is desperately missing big comedy events like this every year or two to cheer up the folks that ain’t in the best of moods. Comic Relief used to put on one of the best comedy events every time it through one, and it used to throw this epic stand-up using many different significant comics more frequently. With Billy Crystal, Robin Williams and Whoopi Goldberg as the comedy threesome sent from heaven, the show never got boring. Crystal was the smooth jazzy musician, Williams the middle aged kid with severe ADHD and Goldberg as the mediator, keeping the trio heading in the right direction the entire show. If you can, it’s worth picking up some of the ’80′s and ’90′s ones on DVD.
STOP…WATCHING THIS CRAP
Thursday, February 19th, 2009
Hello again, my friends. Swooping into the television category today for a few pieces of criticism I have about a large part of our current state of tv. There are some shows out there that are just TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, STUPID AND POINTLESS. But, if that’s the case, WHY ARE YOU STILL WATCHING THEM??!! Well, that’s what I’m here for. To change your mind. Because me, I got some shows you SHOULD watch that will blow your mind.
So, let’s get to some criticism, shall we?
GOSSIP GIRL (THE CW)
Another show sensationalizing the rich only this time it’s the young and rich. Still horse crap if you ask me. Just because Blair and her totally generic rich surroundings and cliche prep school friends are wealthy doesn’t make them cool. Not only that, it doesn’t make them interesting and it doesn’t give them some entitlement as to what we should and shouldn’t be doing in this world.
However, here people are, gleaming over this show about ridiculous rich teenagers doing ridiculously rich teenage things as only ridiculous rich ridiculously pretentious young people can do (sorry about the ridiculous tirade). The truth is, the Gossip Girl could be called “Fake Girl” or “Just Another TV Rich Girl) because all this show does is throw constant praise over the wealthy life giving our young people yet another distorted view or reality.
By the way, why are so many Americans obsessed with really rich people on television shows? Wouldn’t you think maybe it’d be a better idea to try to find a good way to get rich rather than to sit back and watch the lives of the rich?
TRY WATCHING THIS FOR A CHANGE
THAT 70′S SHOW (FOX)
Though this is a sitcom, this hilarious show is still closer to the reality of teenager’s and young adults than Gossip Girl. Watching the six main characters of the show, all friends, mingle and live their simple, ordinary young lives was watching real American young people operate in the space we’ve given them.
While this show has tons of laughs and jokes, the main thing is the interaction between the six friends who mesh perfectly but have a ring of truth to each of them. It’s as if we’ve known all of them at some point or another in our lives, just by different names. Also, these were Wisconsin kids going to public school like most American teenagers do. Their houses were also very modest and their families middle class, just like most of us.
And while many of you may think the characters on That 70′s Show lived very simplistic, easy-going lives with the typical woes that come accustomed with young adulthood, that’s how most young adults live.
Watch Gossip Girl and then watch That 70′s Show and you tell me which one is closer to home. Maybe That 70′s Show is silly, over-the-top and super quirky, but it sends a better message than the “it’s hip to be rich” undertones accompanied with Gossip Girl.
STOP…WATCHING THIS CRAP
Saturday, February 14th, 2009
WARNING
WARNING
WARNING
*this particular section contains LOTS of REALLY DISGUSTING and VILE, STOMACH-WRENCHING pictures from various movies. Some people may find this content shocking, disturbing and very offensive.
VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED
VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED
VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED
HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!
I always wanted to write that but never had a legitimate reason until now. Now, my friends, I have a GREAT reason to start off this section with a hardcore disclaimer. Because this is about some really, truly, horrible and nauseating movies I’ve seen. And people watch them. And some have been wildly successful. It’s scary, actually.
So, what I’ve decided to do with this is divided it into 3 categories for the section’s genre that day: STUPID, POINTLESS & DISTURBING
TODAY: HORROR
THE STUPID
HOUSE OF WAX (2005)
Another movie I happened upon late at night on HBO. Unfortunately for me, this movie absolutely sucked balls! It’s kind of lame when they remake movies just for the kicks they get from the gore and then just put up a flick that has no intentions of paying attention to any kind of good story. The only good thing about this badly constructed horror movie is that Paris Hilton gets a lead pipe heaved at her and, successfully, impales her right through her talentless head.
THE POINTLESS
THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2 (2007)
Actually, I had to watch this movie after watching its ridiculous predecessor a few weeks earlier. The Hills Have Eyes (2006) was already bad, a very unoriginal horror movie where everything seems to be too conveniently placed but this one doubles the disaster that the first one was. This revolves around a bunch of National Guard soldiers but what they’re doing out in the middle of the desert is anybody’s guess but I’m not one to really care. Anyways, they start getting picked off one by one by some vile mutant family living inside the hills. Had this movie not been made, life would have still moved on. Now that the movie has been made, it feels like life isn’t as good anymore.
THE DISTURBING
HOSTEL II
All I can say is, WOW!!! Basically, this time 3 chicks get seduced into an exotic spa that’s really the same Slovakian slaughterhouse as the first one. There’s also a connection between a bunch of characters but I wasn’t paying attention much to plot because it was too much of a secondary subject to the gore constantly being smashed into my face.
The above picture is from a scene where a sweet, virginal character is hanging naked upside down and her killer-to-be is an older naked chick who disrobes and proceeds to slice and dice her victim with a rusty scythe. As she bathes in her victim’s blood with glee, she decides she needs more blood to finish her bath and slashes the virgin’s throat, sending blood spewing all over her.
Yep. Pretty sick. Pretty nasty. Pretty disturbing.
