*Peace to all douche bags out there.
Will Smith
I’m still furious with the Fresh Prince because of this arrogant “I can remake Karate Kid with my son playing the lead” horseshit. Believe it or not, I still don’t mind the guy and actually always enjoyed his attitude and charisma. But when you’re plugging your son (favoritism, anyone?) to play a part immortalized by Ralph Macchio in a movie immortalized by Pat Morita (Mr. Miyagi), you are now officially a douche bag. Until this remake of Karate Kid comes out, gets slammed by critics and fans alike for a giant piece of humble pie, you ain’t off the hook yet, Fresh Prince.
*Thumbs Up! You’re a douche.
Tom Cruise
Speaking of complete douche bags, Tom Cruise is one of the biggest. In fact, he’s part of Douche Bag royalty as anyone with Scientology connections usually will be. In fact, it might be worth considering to change his classic movie Top Gun to Top Douche. At least, it’d be more fitting for him and we’d know immediately who the leading role is. If you really want to observe how absolutely looney Mr. (Mrs. is more like it) Cruise is, just watch him during a Lakers game sitting on the bench. Look at all the strangely maniacal expressions and twitches he gets on his face. Weird shit, my friends. And very, very douchey.
*Witness you getting bounced from the playoffs?
Lebron James
Boy, do I really want to like Lebron. He’s an awesome basketball player, a good teammate and seems to enjoy poking fun at himself whether it’s in commercials or as host of Saturday Night Live. Watching him go one-on-Orlando Magic was fun but only if you were rooting for the Magic. Lebron is a beast but he can’t do it all himself and the team around him was so overrated that everyone thought they’d cruise through the Eastern Conference playoffs instead of getting their ass handed to them by Orlando. However, after the Lebroneers lost game 6 in Orlando, LBJ stormed off the court without congratulating his buddy, Dwight Howard, or anyone else on the winning team. That’s self-serving, pompous, disrespectful and insulting bullshit. Every time Lebron wins a series, he walks over to get his respect from the losers. When he loses? He’s a little poor sport child. Sad. So sad that King James will now be Queen James of the Deaf Sage’s shit list until next season.
*I’ve got my douche smile on
Will Ferrell
Mr. Ferrell, your head has gotten way too big. First of all, you’re not funny. You’re silly. There’s a difference between the two. Funny is when you say funny things and write funny things. Silly is when you do funny things but never really say anything funny. Another comic actor who really hasn’t done a good movie. Old School isn’t his movie, it was written and directed by someone else. That’s probably why people think it’s so funny. Land of the Lost looks like another shitty Will Ferrell movie that will kick ass in its first weekend at the box office and trail off badly for the second week. It may be that Ferrell is a nice guy and everything but when it comes to movies, he sucks and is becoming far too douchey for my taste.
