Today’s edition is a nasty one, a filthy one and a scary one all rolled into one. Parasites, and we’re not talking your relatives or that leech of a friend who’s always living off your crumbs. Nope. Today, we discuss the Real McCoy, something you may not be able to handle. Read at your own discretion.
WARNING: YOU MAY FIND SOME OF THE IMAGES VERY DISTURBING
Damn I love writing that!
TAPEWORM (Class: Cestoda)
I used the image above because it perfectly captured the horror of the tapeworm. And yes, it will come out of your butt, someone else’s butt, or another animal’s butt should it feel like it wants to come out. See, the tapeworm likes the intestines, something us humans don’t quite care for. Making matters even more appetizing, beef tapeworms can get up to 4o feet long (that’s not a typo) and other species of tapeworm have been known to reach 100 feet (also not a typo). The most disgusting part? Many people don’t even know they’re infected by the tapeworm until segments of its body come out when you take a crap. Sometimes, because these worms move around so much in your intestines, they can be seen writhing around in a person’s underwear. In fact, it’s been recorded during parts of history that people would purposely ingest a tapeworm to help them lose weight. PLEASE EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO PUKE. THANK YOU.
ROUNDWORM (Phylum: Nematoda)
Well, that picture above must be one of those special times when size does matter, although bigger probably isn’t better this time. The disease (a nasty one) is called elephantiasis, a condition that involves the thickening of the skin and underlying tissues, especially in the legs and genitals. It’s caused by a few species of roundworm that are transmitted into their victims through mosquitos. So, not only is this little parasite a mean bastard, it also hitches itself on to another contaminated little creature that we don’t like. They’re like the animal kingdom’s evil twosome. Also, something else to take not of: There are over 80000 species of roundworm, 15000 of which are parasitic. YIKES.
TICK (Arachnids Order: Ixodida)
The infamous tick is our little Lyme Disease and Rocky Mountain spotted fever carrying friend that can make our lives a living hell. Most common are the dog ticks, probably the one tick you’ve seen in your life, possibly on your dog, your cat or maybe even yourself. Hell, I had a tick on my neck when I was about ten years old after my buddy and I were playing in the woods behind his house. It sucked but it sure felt good when my friend’s mom burned that bloated little bastard off my neck with a match. I looked at it dying on the ground and stomped it, sending it to tick hell. There’s ticks all over the world and unfortunately, our American tick species, the dog tick, the deer tick and the Western black-legged tick are all potentially dangerous for spreading diseases, so, in short, WATCH OUT!!!